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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 722800" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>These never ending battles are why they should give us armor and swords. I know there were more than a few times I wanted to lop the heads off of idiots who were just causing problems to be mean and/or stupid. I have very low tolerance for either. </p><p></p><p>There is a link in my signature that will take you to a thread about a Parent Report. It is a report you write about your kid. I found it to be an incredibly powerful tool as I worked to get the things I needed for my child. Even if you cannot write all of it because you don't have all of the information, it would give you some ideas for how to organize the information. Work on it in chunks, not all at once if you can. It will help you not forget important things. I know that when the judge saw the Parent Report and all that we had tried and been through, and when he read the summary of the behaviors we had been dealing with and all that we had done to help that hadn't worked, he was astounded. It let him know that this really was the last resort. We had tried everything we could, and we couldn't safely keep him at home any longer. </p><p></p><p>I think you have to work to communicate this also. It would be best to use an outline format or bullet points rather than paragraphs when you present info to the judge. That way the judge can read the info quickly or you can read it to him in just a few moments. I know how hard that is, trust me. </p><p></p><p>As your husband has charges against him, does he have his own attorney? Or are you going in with just the attorney for your son? If your husband does not have his own attorney, I STRONGLY suggest you get an attorney for him. It really is important. </p><p></p><p>Make sure the judge knows that you are TERRIFIED of your stepson. Not just a little scared, truly terrified that he is going to kill you. Make sure that they hear it from you as well as your husband. It is different if they only hear it from one parent and not both. They sometimes can think the parent is making it up and the other parent is "going along" but doesn't really feel the same way if the other parent doesn't voice his or her feelings. I have read some things written by people involved in family court cases and I was astounded to hear they thought this way. Lawyers/judges are strange in the way they think. </p><p></p><p>Is your son's lawyer trying to get him placed somewhere or trying to get him placed back in your home? Can he talk to you? You might want to be cautious in your dealings with him if you don't know and trust that he is going to try to get your son placed somewhere. Often CPS will try to pass the buck back to the parents by threatening charges so that they don't have to deal with disturbed kids even if the kids are truly dangerous and in need of services. They can play some strange tricks on parents. Make sure you protect yourself and your husband. </p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry this is so complicated and difficult. When do you go to court over all of this?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 722800, member: 1233"] These never ending battles are why they should give us armor and swords. I know there were more than a few times I wanted to lop the heads off of idiots who were just causing problems to be mean and/or stupid. I have very low tolerance for either. There is a link in my signature that will take you to a thread about a Parent Report. It is a report you write about your kid. I found it to be an incredibly powerful tool as I worked to get the things I needed for my child. Even if you cannot write all of it because you don't have all of the information, it would give you some ideas for how to organize the information. Work on it in chunks, not all at once if you can. It will help you not forget important things. I know that when the judge saw the Parent Report and all that we had tried and been through, and when he read the summary of the behaviors we had been dealing with and all that we had done to help that hadn't worked, he was astounded. It let him know that this really was the last resort. We had tried everything we could, and we couldn't safely keep him at home any longer. I think you have to work to communicate this also. It would be best to use an outline format or bullet points rather than paragraphs when you present info to the judge. That way the judge can read the info quickly or you can read it to him in just a few moments. I know how hard that is, trust me. As your husband has charges against him, does he have his own attorney? Or are you going in with just the attorney for your son? If your husband does not have his own attorney, I STRONGLY suggest you get an attorney for him. It really is important. Make sure the judge knows that you are TERRIFIED of your stepson. Not just a little scared, truly terrified that he is going to kill you. Make sure that they hear it from you as well as your husband. It is different if they only hear it from one parent and not both. They sometimes can think the parent is making it up and the other parent is "going along" but doesn't really feel the same way if the other parent doesn't voice his or her feelings. I have read some things written by people involved in family court cases and I was astounded to hear they thought this way. Lawyers/judges are strange in the way they think. Is your son's lawyer trying to get him placed somewhere or trying to get him placed back in your home? Can he talk to you? You might want to be cautious in your dealings with him if you don't know and trust that he is going to try to get your son placed somewhere. Often CPS will try to pass the buck back to the parents by threatening charges so that they don't have to deal with disturbed kids even if the kids are truly dangerous and in need of services. They can play some strange tricks on parents. Make sure you protect yourself and your husband. I am so very sorry this is so complicated and difficult. When do you go to court over all of this? [/QUOTE]
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