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New here. “Loaning” rent and buying food for nearly 19-year old who just squandered $30,000
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 648162" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome Pandora.</p><p>I'm sorry you had to find this group but so glad you did. You will find support, advice and coping skills within these pages.</p><p>The "entitled attitude" is so very common with our difficult adult children.</p><p>It's good that you have had some medical evaluation of his mental state. It may very well be just a personality disorder and nothing more. I think sometimes it's easier to have someone put a label on the situation, as if this will negate them from any personal responsibility. "See, I'm not blame I have ..........."</p><p>Little do they understand that even with a label of Asperger's or something else they still bear the responsibility of going to therapy and or taking medication.</p><p>I too have been on the receiving end of very ugly hate filled messages. My son on more than one occasion has blamed me for everything wrong in his life. I once told him "wow, you sure think I have a lot of power over your life especially since I have had no say in what you do"</p><p>They just want to blame someone because they don't want to accept the fact that their poor choices have led them down a road of destruction.</p><p>Gambling can be an addiction just like drugs and alcohol. He is playing in very dangerous waters.</p><p>His father is not helping him by paying the rent. The only good thing is he is paying it directly to the landlord, that way you know he's not using it for something else.</p><p></p><p>What I can tell you is this; you have to stay in the moment in the here and now. Expending energy on the future what if's will gain you nothing. Your son is grown now, he has to forge out his own path. You have done your job in raising him the best you can. I'm sure you did all you could for him and I know this because you are posting on this site. If you did not love your son and care about him, you wouldn't be here. Don't buy into your son saying you were a S*&^ parent. I'm sure you taught him right from wrong but at some point our little darlings start making their own choices and there is nothing we can do to change that. What we can do is detach from them and go on living our own lives.</p><p></p><p>I am a veteran of this, my son is 33 and I've been dealing with his messed up life for a long time. I have limited contact with him which is healthier for me. I will always love my son and will continue to pray and have hope for him. I have had to come to an acceptance that it's his life and he will live it the way he wants to. I don't like it, but I accept it.</p><p></p><p>Know that you are not alone here. Others will also chime in with their support.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you.............</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/notalone.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":notalone:" title="notalone :notalone:" data-shortname=":notalone:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 648162, member: 18516"] Welcome Pandora. I'm sorry you had to find this group but so glad you did. You will find support, advice and coping skills within these pages. The "entitled attitude" is so very common with our difficult adult children. It's good that you have had some medical evaluation of his mental state. It may very well be just a personality disorder and nothing more. I think sometimes it's easier to have someone put a label on the situation, as if this will negate them from any personal responsibility. "See, I'm not blame I have ..........." Little do they understand that even with a label of Asperger's or something else they still bear the responsibility of going to therapy and or taking medication. I too have been on the receiving end of very ugly hate filled messages. My son on more than one occasion has blamed me for everything wrong in his life. I once told him "wow, you sure think I have a lot of power over your life especially since I have had no say in what you do" They just want to blame someone because they don't want to accept the fact that their poor choices have led them down a road of destruction. Gambling can be an addiction just like drugs and alcohol. He is playing in very dangerous waters. His father is not helping him by paying the rent. The only good thing is he is paying it directly to the landlord, that way you know he's not using it for something else. What I can tell you is this; you have to stay in the moment in the here and now. Expending energy on the future what if's will gain you nothing. Your son is grown now, he has to forge out his own path. You have done your job in raising him the best you can. I'm sure you did all you could for him and I know this because you are posting on this site. If you did not love your son and care about him, you wouldn't be here. Don't buy into your son saying you were a S*&^ parent. I'm sure you taught him right from wrong but at some point our little darlings start making their own choices and there is nothing we can do to change that. What we can do is detach from them and go on living our own lives. I am a veteran of this, my son is 33 and I've been dealing with his messed up life for a long time. I have limited contact with him which is healthier for me. I will always love my son and will continue to pray and have hope for him. I have had to come to an acceptance that it's his life and he will live it the way he wants to. I don't like it, but I accept it. Know that you are not alone here. Others will also chime in with their support. ((HUGS)) to you............. :notalone::staystrong: [/QUOTE]
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New here. “Loaning” rent and buying food for nearly 19-year old who just squandered $30,000
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