Marguerite
Active Member
The more I read about this boy, the more I hear "Asperger's!" screaming at me. I've just come home form church where I was having several lnog conversations on this topic with several different people, it was as if they planned it (but I know they didn't). I started it, I suppose, by talking about the film "The Black Balloon" with a visitor from England who has escaped the cold to thaw out Down Under for a few weeks. People overheard, and it went on from there...
What I hear in this -
* sensory integration problems (some shirts and trousers he refuses to wear) - often this is due to how it feels after a while, you can;t always tell right away.
* doesn't like taking medications or using lip balm - again, sensory. We had the problems of lip-licking with easy child 2/difficult child 2 and yes, it was always much worse in winter. What fixed it was using lip balm, one she chose, and leaving it in her pocket to use when she anted to. Once she began using it (over-using it, really) I bought bulk supplies so when she lost one or used it up I had plenty of spares. And on the anxiety front - you need to be cautious with Zoloft (monitor his moods when he first begins taking it) but difficult child 1 has found immense relief from his anxiety & Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) with Zoloft. difficult child 3 can't take it, unfortunately.
* obsessive way he plays - spreading Lego everywhere is a easy child trait as well, but you do get it a lot in Aspies. It's a matter of degree. what does he build? Does he always build the same sort of thing? And how does he sort the Lego? By colour? By shape? By size?
A tip for managing Lego (or the "dump" tendency in general) - invest in a bolt of heavy calico or similar. You choose the material you want. Then buy some large metal rings that can be hammered into the fabric to make reinforced holes. Cut out large circles (about 2 metres across) and make even, laerge, reinforced holes around the edge (about a handspan in from the edge, which needs to be hemmed or bound). Thread a nylon cord through the holes but leave it long enough so it completes the circle and doesn't draw it up while the circle is lying flat on the ground. Tie off the nylon rope into a complete loop so it can never be pulled out. Then spread it out on the floor and put all the Lego in the circle. This is now the play area. When it's time to tidy up. just pick up the nylon rope on both sides of the circle, and lift. All the Lego should now be inside one huge sack. To play with Lego again - drop the sack and open it out. Do not remove the Lego from the sack, just instead turn the sack into a Lego-covered rug.
Make more of these according to what he chooses to dump (ie marbles).
* tics. Or stims (self-stimulatory behaviour). Sometimes it's hard to tell one form another. You get these in a number of conditions including Asperger's. They are acoping mechanism, they may not even be aware they are doing it. Sometimes it's not obvious - difficult child 1 used to love to look up at the flicker of light through the leaves on the trees. As a newborn, he would crane his neck to get under the trees and then turn to look at the light. We realise now he was stimming, in the same way a more obvious stimulant would be flapping hands in front of the face. Both give a flicker effect which is beleived to be soothing to the brain. difficult child 3 also had a funny nose twitch, plus he and difficult child 1 both had/have a vocal tic or stimulant, which sounded like a throat clearing. difficult child 1's began as an imitation of a male emu calling his chicks (sounds like a backwards gulp). Then he couldn't stop.
* the funny memory thing. difficult child 1 has this, difficult child 3 does not. I have called it a short-term memory deficit, but it's actually part of ADHD, where the second instruction just doesn't get through to be laid down as memory. difficult child 1 learned to compensate for his short-term memory problems, by really developing his long-term memory to compensate. His memory is prodigious - once it gets past the hurdles.
Something to check out - whether he really is fussy about certain feelings or textures. This could spill over into food, if there are foods he dislikes because of their texture. YOu can't force these, you will need to be flexible with him over these.
Also to check out - how flexible his joints are, especially his finger joints. He may have been delayed in lerning to tie his shoes, because his fingers hurt when he tries to do small movements with them. For example tying shoes, or handwriting. Watch his fingers as he holds a pencil - what is his grip like? He SHOULD by his age be holding a pencil in the mature pincer grip, with his finger joints curled in slightly (or at worset, straight). There should be not the slightest hint of a joint (knuckle) bent back past the horizontal. When the finger joints DO bend back, you lose control and you try to compensate by gripping tighter. This makes the joints bend back even more, and so on. Vicious circle that quickly leads to pain and fatigue, and the kids then do their utmost to avoid writing tasks. Because this is normal for them, they don't know to tell us that it hurts, they think it's the same for everybody and they just have to live with it. But it hurts! So they try to avoid those tasks.
There are things you can do if this is happening, but the first step would be an Occupational Therapist (OT) assessment. Our kids were assessed as having hypermobile joints and were thereby granted use of computer for writing tasks. We're looking into ring splints.
An Occupational Therapist (OT) can also look at any sensory issues. A psychologist can also give training in techniques to cope with anxiety. Every bit of help counts.
Anyway, that's just a few ideas quickly. What we're trying to do is find ways to make your job easier, to help him make your job easier, but it does involve seeing how he functions and adapting what needs to be done, around what he feels compelled to do.
You can't change too much or expect him especially to adapt to too much in too short a time. It's a slow process, but it is possible, long-term. Bit by bit.
Marg
What I hear in this -
* sensory integration problems (some shirts and trousers he refuses to wear) - often this is due to how it feels after a while, you can;t always tell right away.
* doesn't like taking medications or using lip balm - again, sensory. We had the problems of lip-licking with easy child 2/difficult child 2 and yes, it was always much worse in winter. What fixed it was using lip balm, one she chose, and leaving it in her pocket to use when she anted to. Once she began using it (over-using it, really) I bought bulk supplies so when she lost one or used it up I had plenty of spares. And on the anxiety front - you need to be cautious with Zoloft (monitor his moods when he first begins taking it) but difficult child 1 has found immense relief from his anxiety & Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) with Zoloft. difficult child 3 can't take it, unfortunately.
* obsessive way he plays - spreading Lego everywhere is a easy child trait as well, but you do get it a lot in Aspies. It's a matter of degree. what does he build? Does he always build the same sort of thing? And how does he sort the Lego? By colour? By shape? By size?
A tip for managing Lego (or the "dump" tendency in general) - invest in a bolt of heavy calico or similar. You choose the material you want. Then buy some large metal rings that can be hammered into the fabric to make reinforced holes. Cut out large circles (about 2 metres across) and make even, laerge, reinforced holes around the edge (about a handspan in from the edge, which needs to be hemmed or bound). Thread a nylon cord through the holes but leave it long enough so it completes the circle and doesn't draw it up while the circle is lying flat on the ground. Tie off the nylon rope into a complete loop so it can never be pulled out. Then spread it out on the floor and put all the Lego in the circle. This is now the play area. When it's time to tidy up. just pick up the nylon rope on both sides of the circle, and lift. All the Lego should now be inside one huge sack. To play with Lego again - drop the sack and open it out. Do not remove the Lego from the sack, just instead turn the sack into a Lego-covered rug.
Make more of these according to what he chooses to dump (ie marbles).
* tics. Or stims (self-stimulatory behaviour). Sometimes it's hard to tell one form another. You get these in a number of conditions including Asperger's. They are acoping mechanism, they may not even be aware they are doing it. Sometimes it's not obvious - difficult child 1 used to love to look up at the flicker of light through the leaves on the trees. As a newborn, he would crane his neck to get under the trees and then turn to look at the light. We realise now he was stimming, in the same way a more obvious stimulant would be flapping hands in front of the face. Both give a flicker effect which is beleived to be soothing to the brain. difficult child 3 also had a funny nose twitch, plus he and difficult child 1 both had/have a vocal tic or stimulant, which sounded like a throat clearing. difficult child 1's began as an imitation of a male emu calling his chicks (sounds like a backwards gulp). Then he couldn't stop.
* the funny memory thing. difficult child 1 has this, difficult child 3 does not. I have called it a short-term memory deficit, but it's actually part of ADHD, where the second instruction just doesn't get through to be laid down as memory. difficult child 1 learned to compensate for his short-term memory problems, by really developing his long-term memory to compensate. His memory is prodigious - once it gets past the hurdles.
Something to check out - whether he really is fussy about certain feelings or textures. This could spill over into food, if there are foods he dislikes because of their texture. YOu can't force these, you will need to be flexible with him over these.
Also to check out - how flexible his joints are, especially his finger joints. He may have been delayed in lerning to tie his shoes, because his fingers hurt when he tries to do small movements with them. For example tying shoes, or handwriting. Watch his fingers as he holds a pencil - what is his grip like? He SHOULD by his age be holding a pencil in the mature pincer grip, with his finger joints curled in slightly (or at worset, straight). There should be not the slightest hint of a joint (knuckle) bent back past the horizontal. When the finger joints DO bend back, you lose control and you try to compensate by gripping tighter. This makes the joints bend back even more, and so on. Vicious circle that quickly leads to pain and fatigue, and the kids then do their utmost to avoid writing tasks. Because this is normal for them, they don't know to tell us that it hurts, they think it's the same for everybody and they just have to live with it. But it hurts! So they try to avoid those tasks.
There are things you can do if this is happening, but the first step would be an Occupational Therapist (OT) assessment. Our kids were assessed as having hypermobile joints and were thereby granted use of computer for writing tasks. We're looking into ring splints.
An Occupational Therapist (OT) can also look at any sensory issues. A psychologist can also give training in techniques to cope with anxiety. Every bit of help counts.
Anyway, that's just a few ideas quickly. What we're trying to do is find ways to make your job easier, to help him make your job easier, but it does involve seeing how he functions and adapting what needs to be done, around what he feels compelled to do.
You can't change too much or expect him especially to adapt to too much in too short a time. It's a slow process, but it is possible, long-term. Bit by bit.
Marg
