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New here: Adult son steals, plus more...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 645683" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Sadandstressed. I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. Having a troubled adult child, especially one who is stealing from you and apparently from others is a devastating experience for us parents. It's difficult to wrap our brains around that behavior and the possible consequences. It's also hard to set boundaries around that behavior.</p><p></p><p>If you are not in a supportive environment, I would strongly encourage you to find one. A couple of suggestions are NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which has chapters in most major cities and they offer parents excellent courses to help us with our kids who suffer from mental issues. 12 step groups like Al Anon, Families Anonymous and/or private therapy and parent groups, anywhere you feel comfortable which will offer you support,guidance, information, empathy, understanding and place to go to vent. This path is very difficult for us parents, it's wrought with many mine fields which blow up often and drag us around wrecking havoc, chaos and drama. </p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here.</p><p></p><p>Since your son is living in your home, you have every right to be able to feel safe enough that he will not steal from you. That behavior is unacceptable. There are many parents here who would press charges and allow their child to suffer the consequences. I am not advocating that, however, I am suggesting that setting boundaries around this kind of behavior is necessary for YOU. Your son should have strict lines around him in your home which prevent him from stealing. His poor choices should have consequences. He should be held accountable for the behavior of stealing from someone outside the family as well, even if that is that he admits it and comes clean and faces the person himself to try to make amends. </p><p></p><p>Whether he has a conduct disorder, or mental illness, stealing is against the law, having a disorder does not condone the behavior. Unless he is psychotic or so mentally challenged as to not know right from wrong, he is responsible for his behavior. If he is on disability, lives at your home and is funding his pot and gaming habit by stealing, then something has to change. I can understand how scary it is to have a suicidal adult child, and given his recent loss of this therapist, I can imagine you are walking on eggshells not knowing how to respond. That's understandable. Yet, he has to face the reality that his behavior is not acceptable and that there are consequences. Stealing is a serious issue. </p><p></p><p>From my perspective (and I am not in your shoes), it sounds as if you need support to make the changes necessary to make reasonable guidelines and boundaries so that your son can learn that it is not okay to steal from anybody and for you to develop a different response to his behavior. Often that requires professional support for us parents, we have trouble seeing our kids clearly and defining what boundaries and consequences are and how to enforce them. </p><p></p><p>We can offer support and understanding because many of us have been in your shoes, however, in the final analysis, you have to live with the choices you make. Keep posting, it helps. Get yourself support. I'm glad you're here............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 645683, member: 13542"] Welcome Sadandstressed. I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. Having a troubled adult child, especially one who is stealing from you and apparently from others is a devastating experience for us parents. It's difficult to wrap our brains around that behavior and the possible consequences. It's also hard to set boundaries around that behavior. If you are not in a supportive environment, I would strongly encourage you to find one. A couple of suggestions are NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which has chapters in most major cities and they offer parents excellent courses to help us with our kids who suffer from mental issues. 12 step groups like Al Anon, Families Anonymous and/or private therapy and parent groups, anywhere you feel comfortable which will offer you support,guidance, information, empathy, understanding and place to go to vent. This path is very difficult for us parents, it's wrought with many mine fields which blow up often and drag us around wrecking havoc, chaos and drama. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Since your son is living in your home, you have every right to be able to feel safe enough that he will not steal from you. That behavior is unacceptable. There are many parents here who would press charges and allow their child to suffer the consequences. I am not advocating that, however, I am suggesting that setting boundaries around this kind of behavior is necessary for YOU. Your son should have strict lines around him in your home which prevent him from stealing. His poor choices should have consequences. He should be held accountable for the behavior of stealing from someone outside the family as well, even if that is that he admits it and comes clean and faces the person himself to try to make amends. Whether he has a conduct disorder, or mental illness, stealing is against the law, having a disorder does not condone the behavior. Unless he is psychotic or so mentally challenged as to not know right from wrong, he is responsible for his behavior. If he is on disability, lives at your home and is funding his pot and gaming habit by stealing, then something has to change. I can understand how scary it is to have a suicidal adult child, and given his recent loss of this therapist, I can imagine you are walking on eggshells not knowing how to respond. That's understandable. Yet, he has to face the reality that his behavior is not acceptable and that there are consequences. Stealing is a serious issue. From my perspective (and I am not in your shoes), it sounds as if you need support to make the changes necessary to make reasonable guidelines and boundaries so that your son can learn that it is not okay to steal from anybody and for you to develop a different response to his behavior. Often that requires professional support for us parents, we have trouble seeing our kids clearly and defining what boundaries and consequences are and how to enforce them. We can offer support and understanding because many of us have been in your shoes, however, in the final analysis, you have to live with the choices you make. Keep posting, it helps. Get yourself support. I'm glad you're here............ [/QUOTE]
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