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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 654996" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Annego. </p><p></p><p>To answer your question, it ends when you say it ends. If your daughter refuses help, does not work, is not behaving like an adult who would seek assistance and learn to live with her issues, then she should likely be dealing with the consequences of her choices. That is how people learn. You paying her rent or in fact paying for anything usually does not work for them or for us.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. You may want to read the book Codependency no more by Melodie Beattie. There is a very good organization called NAMI which helps parents with kids who have mental issues, they have excellent parent courses. You can access them online. </p><p></p><p>Like the rest of us here, you are on a slippery slope with your daughter. It's difficult when they have mental issues, however, as many here can attest, even with issues, they can seek help, find answers, learn to live a life as a contributing adult, these are all choices, choices only your daughter can make, you cannot make the choices for her, you cannot change her, you cannot control her and <em><u>you didn't cause this.</u></em></p><p></p><p>To enact any changes at all, YOU will need to change your responses. YOU will need to make the necessary changes by setting boundaries and saying no, by respecting your own needs and desires and learning how to disengage from your daughter's choices and lifestyle and learning to accept what is. We are powerless to change another. That is a very difficult concept for us parents to accept. We try and try and try until we are depleted and exhausted and usually absolutely no changes have happened for our kids. They are the only ones who can enact change in their lives. Not us.</p><p></p><p>My advice is to find professional help for yourself so you can make the changes necessary to let go and accept this reality. It's not easy. Keep posting here. Read books about detachment, codependency, enabling and letting go. Do kind and nurturing things for yourself. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation with your daughter but you've found a safe place to get support. You're not alone. We're glad you're here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 654996, member: 13542"] Welcome Annego. To answer your question, it ends when you say it ends. If your daughter refuses help, does not work, is not behaving like an adult who would seek assistance and learn to live with her issues, then she should likely be dealing with the consequences of her choices. That is how people learn. You paying her rent or in fact paying for anything usually does not work for them or for us. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. You may want to read the book Codependency no more by Melodie Beattie. There is a very good organization called NAMI which helps parents with kids who have mental issues, they have excellent parent courses. You can access them online. Like the rest of us here, you are on a slippery slope with your daughter. It's difficult when they have mental issues, however, as many here can attest, even with issues, they can seek help, find answers, learn to live a life as a contributing adult, these are all choices, choices only your daughter can make, you cannot make the choices for her, you cannot change her, you cannot control her and [I][U]you didn't cause this.[/U][/I] To enact any changes at all, YOU will need to change your responses. YOU will need to make the necessary changes by setting boundaries and saying no, by respecting your own needs and desires and learning how to disengage from your daughter's choices and lifestyle and learning to accept what is. We are powerless to change another. That is a very difficult concept for us parents to accept. We try and try and try until we are depleted and exhausted and usually absolutely no changes have happened for our kids. They are the only ones who can enact change in their lives. Not us. My advice is to find professional help for yourself so you can make the changes necessary to let go and accept this reality. It's not easy. Keep posting here. Read books about detachment, codependency, enabling and letting go. Do kind and nurturing things for yourself. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation with your daughter but you've found a safe place to get support. You're not alone. We're glad you're here. [/QUOTE]
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