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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 630982" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I believe that may be a good choice for you.</p><p></p><p>************************</p><p></p><p>Welcome. I'm sorry your son is putting you through the dramas he creates and lives. Your story is not unlike many of ours. It is a hurtful experience to say the least, to watch our so loved adult kids make poor choices because of substance abuse. It is in fact, devastating. </p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. You may also want to read the book Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. Both are very good resources.</p><p></p><p>From this point on, it is about YOU. Take the focus you've now had on your son and place it on yourself. You are the one who can change your responses and your perspective. He may or he may not, but you can't wait for him to change, you have to do it and you have to do it now. Your insomnia and upsets about his life will diminish greatly or disappear once you begin focusing on yourself and getting support for YOU. Most if not all of us here require some kind of outside support in order to survive this and begin to thrive. Any 12 step group such as Al anon, Narc anon, Families anonymous, or private therapy or counseling of any kind will help you to learn tools, get understanding and empathy, give you a place to vent and emote and offer you a new perspective. Once you begin that process, a lot will change for you. The key is to take the focus off of them and place it on ourselves with as much support as you can muster.</p><p></p><p>When our kids don't launch in the usual ways, we can get wrapped around a pole trying to fix them. The guilt, fear, sorrow, resentment, frustration, anger and judgements we go through can be overwhelming. It takes time to let go. It takes time to detach. It takes time to accept the things you CANNOT change. It takes time to let go of trying to parent an adult child who refuses to change and learn a new way to parent with boundaries and refusing to allow their behavior to impact our lives.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found us. Keep posting, it helps. We're here and we understand what you are going through. Hang in there. It WILL get better. Get yourself some support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 630982, member: 13542"] I believe that may be a good choice for you. ************************ Welcome. I'm sorry your son is putting you through the dramas he creates and lives. Your story is not unlike many of ours. It is a hurtful experience to say the least, to watch our so loved adult kids make poor choices because of substance abuse. It is in fact, devastating. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. You may also want to read the book Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. Both are very good resources. From this point on, it is about YOU. Take the focus you've now had on your son and place it on yourself. You are the one who can change your responses and your perspective. He may or he may not, but you can't wait for him to change, you have to do it and you have to do it now. Your insomnia and upsets about his life will diminish greatly or disappear once you begin focusing on yourself and getting support for YOU. Most if not all of us here require some kind of outside support in order to survive this and begin to thrive. Any 12 step group such as Al anon, Narc anon, Families anonymous, or private therapy or counseling of any kind will help you to learn tools, get understanding and empathy, give you a place to vent and emote and offer you a new perspective. Once you begin that process, a lot will change for you. The key is to take the focus off of them and place it on ourselves with as much support as you can muster. When our kids don't launch in the usual ways, we can get wrapped around a pole trying to fix them. The guilt, fear, sorrow, resentment, frustration, anger and judgements we go through can be overwhelming. It takes time to let go. It takes time to detach. It takes time to accept the things you CANNOT change. It takes time to let go of trying to parent an adult child who refuses to change and learn a new way to parent with boundaries and refusing to allow their behavior to impact our lives. I'm glad you found us. Keep posting, it helps. We're here and we understand what you are going through. Hang in there. It WILL get better. Get yourself some support. [/QUOTE]
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