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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 64273" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Welcome! I have a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) daughter. It is a diagnosis I truly loathe. The lies, the manipulation, the entitlement, the everything! are painful and difficult to deal with. </p><p></p><p>Here are some things I found that helped a little. I managed to cut down on the hoarding by fixing a cooler that was always beside her bed. It had drinks and snacks that she liked. There was still occasional hoarding after starting this but not as bad. There was just something about the idea of her having control of the cooler and knowing that she would always have food available that made a huge difference for her.</p><p></p><p>Mine never showed remorse. It took her finally getting some maturity before she would open up to me. She told me she did feel bad but there was no way she was going to let me know she did. She felt I deserved the pain and upset because I wasn't her biomother. The other factor was the simple fact that showing she felt bad didn't stop the consequence so why bother.</p><p></p><p>Other things that helped a little was simply not asking a question that could get a lie for an answer. Instead, I simply say X happened and Y should be done to fix it. Sometimes we fix the problem together, sometimes it is up to her to take care of it. And, no, I don't care how it happened, I simply care that it be fixed. This saved a lot of battles and disappointments.</p><p></p><p>Part of the respect thing is simply his age. Sadly, it's not going to improve for a long time. I was fortunate that it was only shown at home. Never to others and rarely in public. What I would do is simply say that I refuse to be treated that way and walk away. Whatever she wanted at that time didn't happen. When it got to extremes, I shut down. That is, I made sure she had the basics but none of the good stuff. I wouldn't take her to the mall, school or sport activities, the movies, shopping, let her pick what to watch on tv, etc. After a few days of this, she would usually come around and be more polite. </p><p></p><p>I did finally have to send her to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I can't say it helped her all that much and if I had it to do over, I would have saved the money. I think a good therapist and some other interventions at home would have accomplished about the same results. Reality is the beginning of maturity has made the most difference.</p><p></p><p>To be brutal, if an adolescent boy is typical of an adolescent girl with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), you're beginning the worst of the journey. If you can keep him off drugs and find a good counselor who knows of adoption/attachment issues, I think you have a good chance of ultimately getting a person you can be proud of (not necessarily in the way you expected or wanted but someone who does good by his standards).</p><p></p><p>Good luck! The path our kids choose are not easy paths and they do merrily drag us along.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 64273, member: 3626"] Welcome! I have a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) daughter. It is a diagnosis I truly loathe. The lies, the manipulation, the entitlement, the everything! are painful and difficult to deal with. Here are some things I found that helped a little. I managed to cut down on the hoarding by fixing a cooler that was always beside her bed. It had drinks and snacks that she liked. There was still occasional hoarding after starting this but not as bad. There was just something about the idea of her having control of the cooler and knowing that she would always have food available that made a huge difference for her. Mine never showed remorse. It took her finally getting some maturity before she would open up to me. She told me she did feel bad but there was no way she was going to let me know she did. She felt I deserved the pain and upset because I wasn't her biomother. The other factor was the simple fact that showing she felt bad didn't stop the consequence so why bother. Other things that helped a little was simply not asking a question that could get a lie for an answer. Instead, I simply say X happened and Y should be done to fix it. Sometimes we fix the problem together, sometimes it is up to her to take care of it. And, no, I don't care how it happened, I simply care that it be fixed. This saved a lot of battles and disappointments. Part of the respect thing is simply his age. Sadly, it's not going to improve for a long time. I was fortunate that it was only shown at home. Never to others and rarely in public. What I would do is simply say that I refuse to be treated that way and walk away. Whatever she wanted at that time didn't happen. When it got to extremes, I shut down. That is, I made sure she had the basics but none of the good stuff. I wouldn't take her to the mall, school or sport activities, the movies, shopping, let her pick what to watch on tv, etc. After a few days of this, she would usually come around and be more polite. I did finally have to send her to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I can't say it helped her all that much and if I had it to do over, I would have saved the money. I think a good therapist and some other interventions at home would have accomplished about the same results. Reality is the beginning of maturity has made the most difference. To be brutal, if an adolescent boy is typical of an adolescent girl with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), you're beginning the worst of the journey. If you can keep him off drugs and find a good counselor who knows of adoption/attachment issues, I think you have a good chance of ultimately getting a person you can be proud of (not necessarily in the way you expected or wanted but someone who does good by his standards). Good luck! The path our kids choose are not easy paths and they do merrily drag us along. [/QUOTE]
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