New Here. At my wits end

[somanytears]

Hello,

Here is a little bit of my story. We have a 4-year old daughter (monkey) and also an 11-year old daughter. For sometime now we have questioned if everything is ok with monkey. Here is some of the joys we go through on a daily basis:

Hits, kicks, screams, cusses when she doesn't get her way
Sounds like she has tourette's syndrome when she is mad, makes up her own cuss words (B*typical teen*ss)
Has never really slept well, ever
Gets something stuck in her head and will repeat until there is an action
Breaks things when she is mad, tries to hurt the dog
Physically abusive to her older sister when she is mad
Repeats songs she hears on the radio, has been doing this for years
Very easy for her to learn (almost like a photographic memory)

I don't know if this is the right place for me to post, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I have talked to our GP and she says just be "better" parents. We took her to an allergist, and he treated us like we were dumb, terrible parents.

It does seem that certain foods affect her moods. Dairy seems to effect her (we have her drinking Coconut Milk), Gatorade (makes her terribly mean, not that we give her this all the time), Sugar (a huge no no in our house), possibly food dyes.

I guess I need to know what others think. Do you think she has an issue? I just need some advice.

 

[TeDo]

I think there is absolutley something going on. My advice, speaking from experience, to find a good child psychiatrist soon!! I would also highly recommend you have her evaluated by a neuropsychiatrist. They evaluate pretty much every "skill" known to man. A general practitioner has no clue about psychiatric conditions or how to diagnos them. There are many conditions that are "food sensitive". They aren't always allergies but certain things IN foods can cause some of our difficult child's problems.

Most people here will also tell you to get the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Though it is geared for slightly older kids, the entire concept can also be used to some extent with younger children.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[nvts]

Hi! Welcome to our little corner of the world! Sounds like you and Monkey are pretty miserable right now.

We're always here to help, just keep in mind that we're not doctors, so we're not offering diagnosis', just opinions.

Little monkey could have a lot of different issues. There definately sounds like there are some allergy issues. I'd go to a different allergist. I'd absolutely look into either a neuropsychologist or a developmental pediatrician. They can check out different spectrum issues. You may also want to consider sensory problems - does monkey have problems with different textures, smells, sights or sounds (I call it the itchy tag syndrome).

I've got to go, but I wanted to welcome you...pop back often, we're here for you!

Beth

 

[alg]

Hello, GOOD mom!

First of all, don't listen to any moron who tells you that you're just not parenting well enough. From what I read, you're doing everything you can to adjust to the unique needs of your little "Monkey" (Also what we call my daughter, by the way!!).

Also, if you were simply bad parents, your older daughter would be just as much of a challenge as Monkey is. So stop blaming yourselves. I know, I know... easier said than done. But I know what you're going through, because so am I.

Our daughter (3 yrs, 3 mo) displays the same behaviors you described when talking about Monkey. Every one.

For a long time, I was pretty much the sole caregiver to our daughter. I knew there was a problem, but I couldn't get anyone (even those closest to me) to listen. I got a lot of well-meaning, but dismissive advice and more than my share of thinly-veiled criticism and blame.

As if I hadn't tried everything already. As if I was just a lazy, inattentive parent. As if everybody was going through what I was going through -- only I was the big whiner about it.
Well, last week we finally got a diagnosis.

My daughter registers on the autism scale AND was diagnosed with Disruptive Behavioral Disorder. A legitimate condition that is NOT caused by "bad" parenting.

(There are two types of DBD, one more severe than the other. We do not yet know into which category our daughter falls.)

It's entirely possible that your Monkey might have a similar disorder.

I would strongly recommend that you contact your local Children's Hospital for a referral to a behavioral specialist.

You don't have to be rich or have great insurance. We're on welfare right now and we still got all the testing/services our daughter needs through Children's Hospital & their referrals.
Good luck. You're doing better than you think. And you're not alone

 

[somanytears]

Thank you to everyone who has responded. I truly feel like I am on the right path NOW! I have had multiple discussions with my husband, and I think he is on board also. We do not have any Children's Hospital's close by, so I am looking into where we can go see a Neuro doctor. All of this scares me a little, but I know if we can figure this out it won't be as scary.

Monkey does have some "itchy tag" issues. If we are in the car and she gets tired or irritated she complains that her back is hot. This will go on for hours if we do not do something. It doesn't even have to be hot in the car. Also, if she doesn't like the smell it makes her mad. She almost throws a temper tantrum because of the smell.

amylynnglor - Not that I am happy our monkey's have the same issue, but I am glad I have a chance to talk with a mom that is dealing with the same issues. Thank you!

I also got my copy of The Explosive Child today, so I will see what we can do.