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New here .... at my wits end
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 727382" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Welcome SM, I am so sorry you have to be here, but very glad you found us. As you already know, you are in the right place.</p><p></p><p>I understand very well the heartache, chaos and upheaval caused by troubled children. It sounds like you have already taken many steps to support your son, and unfortunately he has not responded as hoped/expected. It happens. It is not your fault.</p><p></p><p>My stepsons also dodge calls/texts and refuse to see us. We are not custodial parents, so essentially we have no relationship with them at all. So I get that pain, too. Once again I am so sorry.</p><p></p><p>I hope that you and your husband are on the same page with this situation. It really makes all the difference in the world.</p><p></p><p>Once 18, you can legally evict your son. Same goes for the 20 year old. If they won't follow the rules or abide by any of your expectations, that may be your only option. Check your state's laws, you may have to follow a formal eviction process.</p><p></p><p>In my case we have accepted that we for right now, cannot do anything about our sons' professed hatred for us/choice for 100% estrangement. We have a very enmeshed situation that has been going on for a long time. We are choosing to back off and wait it out until they are older. Our sons are 17 and 15. Breaks our hearts but there is no other option, teenagers cannot and will not be forced to have a relationship with anyone, parent or no, against their will.</p><p></p><p>If you are not already involved in therapy or a self-help group such as Al-Anon or Codependents Anonymous, I highly recommend both. It is not necessary for substance abuse to be part of the issue, the family dynamics are poisoned in the same way even without drugs and alcohol involved. I have gotten a great deal of help from both of these groups and there is no substance abuse in my family of origin or in my marriage. </p><p></p><p>Keep posting!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 727382, member: 13303"] Welcome SM, I am so sorry you have to be here, but very glad you found us. As you already know, you are in the right place. I understand very well the heartache, chaos and upheaval caused by troubled children. It sounds like you have already taken many steps to support your son, and unfortunately he has not responded as hoped/expected. It happens. It is not your fault. My stepsons also dodge calls/texts and refuse to see us. We are not custodial parents, so essentially we have no relationship with them at all. So I get that pain, too. Once again I am so sorry. I hope that you and your husband are on the same page with this situation. It really makes all the difference in the world. Once 18, you can legally evict your son. Same goes for the 20 year old. If they won't follow the rules or abide by any of your expectations, that may be your only option. Check your state's laws, you may have to follow a formal eviction process. In my case we have accepted that we for right now, cannot do anything about our sons' professed hatred for us/choice for 100% estrangement. We have a very enmeshed situation that has been going on for a long time. We are choosing to back off and wait it out until they are older. Our sons are 17 and 15. Breaks our hearts but there is no other option, teenagers cannot and will not be forced to have a relationship with anyone, parent or no, against their will. If you are not already involved in therapy or a self-help group such as Al-Anon or Codependents Anonymous, I highly recommend both. It is not necessary for substance abuse to be part of the issue, the family dynamics are poisoned in the same way even without drugs and alcohol involved. I have gotten a great deal of help from both of these groups and there is no substance abuse in my family of origin or in my marriage. Keep posting! [/QUOTE]
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