Highpockets
New Member
My daughter, who is turning 18 in a couple of weeks, is an ongoing problem that has literally sent me to the edge of insanity. She is a beautiful young woman who can be a great person, but with me, more often than not, she is hateful, verbally abusive and entitled.
Our issues with her began when she was in 8th grade and was being bullied at school by the "mean girls." She began refusing to go to school. We got nowhere with the school in dealing with the bullies and finally withdrew her to attend a homeschool academy. When the bullying began, I relapsed into a bout of serious depression (something I've experienced from time to time) and began really enabling some behavior I shouldn't have. I was so concerned over her not going to school and hibernating in her room (she had previously been very socially active) that I gave in to virtually every demand in an effort to "bribe" her into going to school. This set up a pattern that has continued. She bargains with me to do things she's supposed to do. And when I live up to my side of the bargain, 99 percent of the time, she doesn't. I've heard a lot "I won't go to school if you don't ...."
Things went relatively well at the new school for the remainder of that year and she made one good friend that she spent a lot of time with. difficult child has never been a great student (smart, but lazy) but was doing okay with grades. However, school was an ongoing nightmare for my husband and I because she would not get up in the morning. Would. Not. Without me constantly going into her room to wake her up over and over, her calling me a b---- And telling me to F off. Most days she was late (for classes at 10:00) or missed her first class. Grades suffered, not surprisingly. She went to summer school last year to make up for some failed classes, then began this school year doing a lot better. Still experiencing the same morning issues and bargaining, but I was hopeful she was maturing a little. She had also become close friends with a really nice girl and was more active socially.
After winter break, she wouldn't go to school. I knew she didn't love it, but her work was better and she's getting closer to finishing. Talking about college. Her friend had moved to a different school and they were no longer spending much time together, and while she had a couple of buddies at school, she wasn't happy. So - after years of begging, bribing and generally behaving ridiculously, I gave up. Said she could do online school. However, when it came time to start that, she needed a little "break." She'll do it in the fall. With that delay she's looking at graduating at close to 20. So our next plan is to get a GED. I contacted the county, set up an appointment to register for tests and classes (under 18 have to go to twice weekly classes instead of doing them online), which would begin in July. No. She doesn't want to go to classes with "those" people and wants a summer break. She'll do it in September when she can do it online. She has virtually no social life, sits around all day, after waking at 2:00, and expects me to literally wait on her. And dammit, sometimes I have. This week we were scheduled to visit two cosmotology schools she may want to attend next year (if she gets her GED) and we didn't do either. She can't get up because she didn't sleep, she has cramps, she's stressed (?). I have just had it. I don't know what miracle she thinks is going to save her. She's actually looking at apartments to live in when she goes to school, but she hasn't gotten her drivers license because she won't finish her (online) drivers ed, hasn't started studying for GED, can't make herself food because "no one will show me how to cook." But she'll be good living alone in an apartment in a big city.
Everything that goes wrong in her life is someone else's fault, usually mine. And I admit to making some mistakes and enabling her, but I have and am trying to help her get on her feet and move forward. I have had concerns that she might be depressed and tried to get her to see someone about that, but she refused.
I have to admit she is self-entitled and disrespectful. She really does expect me to plan my life around her whims, and I have. I'm afraid it's too late to break this pattern, and if she doesn't, she won't be able to do anything - go to cosmotology school, work. Have a life. So I'm looking for advice, wisdom, anything anyone can offer. Thanks.
Our issues with her began when she was in 8th grade and was being bullied at school by the "mean girls." She began refusing to go to school. We got nowhere with the school in dealing with the bullies and finally withdrew her to attend a homeschool academy. When the bullying began, I relapsed into a bout of serious depression (something I've experienced from time to time) and began really enabling some behavior I shouldn't have. I was so concerned over her not going to school and hibernating in her room (she had previously been very socially active) that I gave in to virtually every demand in an effort to "bribe" her into going to school. This set up a pattern that has continued. She bargains with me to do things she's supposed to do. And when I live up to my side of the bargain, 99 percent of the time, she doesn't. I've heard a lot "I won't go to school if you don't ...."
Things went relatively well at the new school for the remainder of that year and she made one good friend that she spent a lot of time with. difficult child has never been a great student (smart, but lazy) but was doing okay with grades. However, school was an ongoing nightmare for my husband and I because she would not get up in the morning. Would. Not. Without me constantly going into her room to wake her up over and over, her calling me a b---- And telling me to F off. Most days she was late (for classes at 10:00) or missed her first class. Grades suffered, not surprisingly. She went to summer school last year to make up for some failed classes, then began this school year doing a lot better. Still experiencing the same morning issues and bargaining, but I was hopeful she was maturing a little. She had also become close friends with a really nice girl and was more active socially.
After winter break, she wouldn't go to school. I knew she didn't love it, but her work was better and she's getting closer to finishing. Talking about college. Her friend had moved to a different school and they were no longer spending much time together, and while she had a couple of buddies at school, she wasn't happy. So - after years of begging, bribing and generally behaving ridiculously, I gave up. Said she could do online school. However, when it came time to start that, she needed a little "break." She'll do it in the fall. With that delay she's looking at graduating at close to 20. So our next plan is to get a GED. I contacted the county, set up an appointment to register for tests and classes (under 18 have to go to twice weekly classes instead of doing them online), which would begin in July. No. She doesn't want to go to classes with "those" people and wants a summer break. She'll do it in September when she can do it online. She has virtually no social life, sits around all day, after waking at 2:00, and expects me to literally wait on her. And dammit, sometimes I have. This week we were scheduled to visit two cosmotology schools she may want to attend next year (if she gets her GED) and we didn't do either. She can't get up because she didn't sleep, she has cramps, she's stressed (?). I have just had it. I don't know what miracle she thinks is going to save her. She's actually looking at apartments to live in when she goes to school, but she hasn't gotten her drivers license because she won't finish her (online) drivers ed, hasn't started studying for GED, can't make herself food because "no one will show me how to cook." But she'll be good living alone in an apartment in a big city.
Everything that goes wrong in her life is someone else's fault, usually mine. And I admit to making some mistakes and enabling her, but I have and am trying to help her get on her feet and move forward. I have had concerns that she might be depressed and tried to get her to see someone about that, but she refused.
I have to admit she is self-entitled and disrespectful. She really does expect me to plan my life around her whims, and I have. I'm afraid it's too late to break this pattern, and if she doesn't, she won't be able to do anything - go to cosmotology school, work. Have a life. So I'm looking for advice, wisdom, anything anyone can offer. Thanks.