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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 627692" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>You should NOT feel awful. This is her fault and only her fault and she needs to live with the consequences. I bet she will wake her self up the next time she wants to go out with her friends.</p><p></p><p>Please don't make the mistake I have made. My difficult child just turned 29 and she started all of this at your daughter's age (with substance abuse issues tossed in to make it more fun). Through the help of a therapist that I have been seeing for a year and reading Co-dependent no more, I have finally learned to set boundaries and my husband and I have stepped back and are letting her take care of herself. Of course, it helps that she doesn't live with us and the halfway house she is living in and her current therapist are 100% on board that we need to let difficult child grow up and take care of herself.</p><p></p><p>If you ask her, though, she will tell you that she can't take care of herself. It is much easier to have mom and dad always come to your rescue and take the blame for your actions.</p><p></p><p>I would suggest going even further. You do not owe her anything at 18. Strip her room and take the door off. If she wants anything, she can get herself out of bed and get a job. I would also stop cooking for her. Trust me, she will not starve.</p><p></p><p>Yes, she will pitch a fit and call you all sorts of names. I would use my cell phone and take a video of her in action and then call the police and do it every time she becomes abusive. My difficult child had the remarkable ability to stop in mid-tantrum when she realized that I was videoing her.</p><p></p><p>Your difficult child will probably use the suicide threat next. You have to recognize this as the emotional blackmail that it is. I would calmly respond that you hope that she doesn't but it is her choice and walk away.</p><p></p><p>She will keep upping the ante to try to make you give in because you always have before. There is something in dog training called an extinction burst. It means that they will become more and more frantic trying to make you do what they want you to do. If you ignore it long enough, they will stop. Sadly, it seems to work with difficult children, too.</p><p></p><p>As others have said, find a therapist and/or a support group to help you through this. husband and I like Families Anonymous. Any group will do, though, as long as you feel comfortable with them. </p><p></p><p>Keep posting. So many of us here have gone through what you are going through. We are here to listen and support you. This board has been a lifeline for me.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 627692, member: 1967"] You should NOT feel awful. This is her fault and only her fault and she needs to live with the consequences. I bet she will wake her self up the next time she wants to go out with her friends. Please don't make the mistake I have made. My difficult child just turned 29 and she started all of this at your daughter's age (with substance abuse issues tossed in to make it more fun). Through the help of a therapist that I have been seeing for a year and reading Co-dependent no more, I have finally learned to set boundaries and my husband and I have stepped back and are letting her take care of herself. Of course, it helps that she doesn't live with us and the halfway house she is living in and her current therapist are 100% on board that we need to let difficult child grow up and take care of herself. If you ask her, though, she will tell you that she can't take care of herself. It is much easier to have mom and dad always come to your rescue and take the blame for your actions. I would suggest going even further. You do not owe her anything at 18. Strip her room and take the door off. If she wants anything, she can get herself out of bed and get a job. I would also stop cooking for her. Trust me, she will not starve. Yes, she will pitch a fit and call you all sorts of names. I would use my cell phone and take a video of her in action and then call the police and do it every time she becomes abusive. My difficult child had the remarkable ability to stop in mid-tantrum when she realized that I was videoing her. Your difficult child will probably use the suicide threat next. You have to recognize this as the emotional blackmail that it is. I would calmly respond that you hope that she doesn't but it is her choice and walk away. She will keep upping the ante to try to make you give in because you always have before. There is something in dog training called an extinction burst. It means that they will become more and more frantic trying to make you do what they want you to do. If you ignore it long enough, they will stop. Sadly, it seems to work with difficult children, too. As others have said, find a therapist and/or a support group to help you through this. husband and I like Families Anonymous. Any group will do, though, as long as you feel comfortable with them. Keep posting. So many of us here have gone through what you are going through. We are here to listen and support you. This board has been a lifeline for me. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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