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New here - daughter problems
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627750" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>They're not kids.They're adults, approaching thirty. Depression can be treated and it is 100% up to your daughter to get help and to comply. Nobody else can fix her. Personally, I wouldn't let any daughter of almost 18 sleep that late without working and helping around the house.Why would you not expect your daughter to meet your expectations right away? Is she incapable of the reasonable list you are going to give her? I doubt it. If it were me, I'd crack down now...or it will become a pattern and she will expect you to go back on the consequences of her not living up to what you expect of her in YOUR house (it is not her house unless she pays the mortgage). </p><p></p><p>You don't have to worry about either of them. They are legal adults now. You can let them grow up and make their own choices and detach from them or you can worry, worry and worry more, but that will not help them and it will harm YOU.</p><p></p><p>I have suffered depression, bad, a great deal of my life and at first I thought it was so hard to do it alone because my parents had no interest in helping. But as I see others who are mentally ill and are not doing as well as I am, I'm glad they weren't there for me. I had to function and work and do what everyone else did and take care of my own health care needs, which helped my depression and my self-esteem. I may have just given into the depression without a fight if my mom had still been fussing over me because I had it, not making demands of me that the world does. And then my life would not be the good life it is today. in my opinion you need to take your life back and make it a spectacular rest-of-your-life and let your daughters learn by their mistakes or NOT learn, but they are not you and you are not them. You can't take care of them forever. They need to learn to live like adults and the sooner the better. </p><p></p><p>Your youngest daughter really needs to know that you, I assume, don't think that at her age her life is one constant party and that she either has to do something serious to ensure a good future or else not expect free lodging and comforts...but that is JMO. I would definitely not allow the abuse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627750, member: 1550"] They're not kids.They're adults, approaching thirty. Depression can be treated and it is 100% up to your daughter to get help and to comply. Nobody else can fix her. Personally, I wouldn't let any daughter of almost 18 sleep that late without working and helping around the house.Why would you not expect your daughter to meet your expectations right away? Is she incapable of the reasonable list you are going to give her? I doubt it. If it were me, I'd crack down now...or it will become a pattern and she will expect you to go back on the consequences of her not living up to what you expect of her in YOUR house (it is not her house unless she pays the mortgage). You don't have to worry about either of them. They are legal adults now. You can let them grow up and make their own choices and detach from them or you can worry, worry and worry more, but that will not help them and it will harm YOU. I have suffered depression, bad, a great deal of my life and at first I thought it was so hard to do it alone because my parents had no interest in helping. But as I see others who are mentally ill and are not doing as well as I am, I'm glad they weren't there for me. I had to function and work and do what everyone else did and take care of my own health care needs, which helped my depression and my self-esteem. I may have just given into the depression without a fight if my mom had still been fussing over me because I had it, not making demands of me that the world does. And then my life would not be the good life it is today. in my opinion you need to take your life back and make it a spectacular rest-of-your-life and let your daughters learn by their mistakes or NOT learn, but they are not you and you are not them. You can't take care of them forever. They need to learn to live like adults and the sooner the better. Your youngest daughter really needs to know that you, I assume, don't think that at her age her life is one constant party and that she either has to do something serious to ensure a good future or else not expect free lodging and comforts...but that is JMO. I would definitely not allow the abuse. [/QUOTE]
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