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New here. Depressed 24 year old refusing help.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 681305" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Canuck and welcome to the forum. We're glad you found us. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like you are making good decisions about what you will and won't allow in your home. In my opinion, that's a good thing because for me, for a long long time, I was very confused about what I "should" put up with from my son. I thought because I was his mother, I had to put up with basically anything and everything. I did that for a while, until he started stealing from me. That proved to be a deal-breaker. </p><p></p><p>Who knows what is going on with your son? It could be just a need to recoup from three years of abuse from his employer, it could be depression and anxiety and it could be more than that. <em><u><strong> Time will tell the story.</strong></u></em> You don't have to know everything right now. (I used to think I did and I would drive myself crazy trying to figure it all out...another method of trying to control the uncontrollable!)</p><p></p><p>The good news is he isn't at your house, bugging you to death right now. He is somewhere safe. Rest in that knowledge, just for today, if you can. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The odds are, like Tanya said, this will happen. Most people don't like someone (especially not their own children) living in their home for any length of time, not contributing and playing video games all day. There is something not right about that, for most of us.</p><p></p><p>Once they do get tired of his behavior---if he doesn't get back to reality before that---he likely will be coming back to you for a place to stay. </p><p></p><p>In time, give that some thought. What would your response be? What would be tolerable for you? Good for him? What boundaries could you set if you did agree for him to come back? Could you stick with them? </p><p></p><p>Most of us overstate our boundaries at first, and then we cave in when we realize we can't support or draw the line at all that we said. </p><p></p><p>Keep it simple if he does ask to move back to your house. If you do agree to give him another chance, determine what that needs to look like for you.</p><p></p><p>If not, be simple, kind and clear about that as well. </p><p></p><p>Evidently, many young men in our country and elsewhere, take an extra long time to grow up today. I've read a lot about this over the years. Even those without addiction or severe mental illness seem to have a delayed ability to launch. So...maybe this is just a phase...and maybe he will return to his good, proven work ethic soon. </p><p></p><p>Enabling doesn't work, I can tell you that. It doesn't motivate different behavior in other people. It just delays the inevitable.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, we are here for you. We're glad you're here. We know how hard it is to watch someone we love take a destructive course. We empathize and we understand. Warm hugs today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 681305, member: 17542"] Hi Canuck and welcome to the forum. We're glad you found us. It sounds like you are making good decisions about what you will and won't allow in your home. In my opinion, that's a good thing because for me, for a long long time, I was very confused about what I "should" put up with from my son. I thought because I was his mother, I had to put up with basically anything and everything. I did that for a while, until he started stealing from me. That proved to be a deal-breaker. Who knows what is going on with your son? It could be just a need to recoup from three years of abuse from his employer, it could be depression and anxiety and it could be more than that. [I][U][B] Time will tell the story.[/B][/U][/I] You don't have to know everything right now. (I used to think I did and I would drive myself crazy trying to figure it all out...another method of trying to control the uncontrollable!) The good news is he isn't at your house, bugging you to death right now. He is somewhere safe. Rest in that knowledge, just for today, if you can. The odds are, like Tanya said, this will happen. Most people don't like someone (especially not their own children) living in their home for any length of time, not contributing and playing video games all day. There is something not right about that, for most of us. Once they do get tired of his behavior---if he doesn't get back to reality before that---he likely will be coming back to you for a place to stay. In time, give that some thought. What would your response be? What would be tolerable for you? Good for him? What boundaries could you set if you did agree for him to come back? Could you stick with them? Most of us overstate our boundaries at first, and then we cave in when we realize we can't support or draw the line at all that we said. Keep it simple if he does ask to move back to your house. If you do agree to give him another chance, determine what that needs to look like for you. If not, be simple, kind and clear about that as well. Evidently, many young men in our country and elsewhere, take an extra long time to grow up today. I've read a lot about this over the years. Even those without addiction or severe mental illness seem to have a delayed ability to launch. So...maybe this is just a phase...and maybe he will return to his good, proven work ethic soon. Enabling doesn't work, I can tell you that. It doesn't motivate different behavior in other people. It just delays the inevitable. In the meantime, we are here for you. We're glad you're here. We know how hard it is to watch someone we love take a destructive course. We empathize and we understand. Warm hugs today. [/QUOTE]
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