Hi, I'm new to the forum, but have been here a few times to read, but never found the courage to join or post anything. I'm not sure where to begin.. I guess I will start with stating the fact that my difficult child was the only good thing (sometimes I have to convince myself it is a good thing) to come from a horrible relationship. His biofather was very abusive both physically and mentally and was a pathological liar. I spent 9 years with him.. always telling myself that tomarrow would be better.. it never was, and I finally left him after a horrible beating that difficult child witnessed just before he turned 4. I had gotten ex to go for counseling, but that was about the most he went for.. and even there he lied and said what the counseler wanted to hear. (We were never married by the way). Anyway.. I embarked on the journey of being a single mom. I didn't plan for what happened next in my life.. but am very very thankful it did. I was "single" for 2 weeks when I started dating husband, we had been friends for 11 years and he accepted me with all my baggage, and even more importantly he accepted difficult child.. even paid for all of my costs for my custody case.. including my lawyer! I knew he was a keeper.. we were married rather quickly, but difficult child seemed to like the crazy whirlwind we were in. husband and I have added 2 more little ones into our home.. both so far are very different than how difficult child acted at their ages, so for now I see them as easy child kinda kiddos. husband has also lovingly adopted difficult child, after a long battle to get ex to give up his rights. Now on to difficult child, he has always been active. We sent him off to school at 5 for Kindergarten and he was quickly labeled a trouble maker. By mid year I was getting calls weekly about things he did.. usually stupid things like "he refused to sit in the circle today and wanted to sit just outside of it" "he calls out all the time" "he can't sit still in class" "he keeps dropping his pencil, eating his eraser, or breaking his pencil". We knew he was board. He is a very bright child.. could read quite well on his own before he even started K, he also knew how to add and subtract.. all because we took a few minutes each night at dinner to do silly things like write in his mashed potatoes or count and add/subtract his peas. We began requesting that the school allow us to send a book to read with him, or some extra work be given to him or we be allowed to send him in some extra workbooks. All of these reqests were shot down.. the reason we were given... No Child Left Behind. This struggle continued through all of K and then 1st grade. We asked to have him tested for gifted, hoping it would give him enough work to keep him occupied.. we learned quickly that the school didn't like to be asked/told to do something. We noticed things at home too.. like never being able to sit still, always having to be making noise, etc. We tried to deal with it all the best we could. We asked his dr (or well because we live in the town of a learning hospital.. his doctors, because you never saw the same one, and 99% of the time you saw a resident) to have him tested for ADHD, they brushed it off.. basically telling us we were just not being consistant as parents, he was just an active child.. blah blah blah! So we sat by with our hands in our laps for a while and tried to pretend everything was fine. It wasn't and has continued to get worse and worse. I pulled difficult child out of school and began homeschooling before he started 2nd grade.. he flew through his 2nd grade level work. We moved on to 3rd grade work. He is now in 3rd grade and working on a spread level of 3rd-5th grades. He still is very bright, but it is becoming more and more difficult with each passing day to get our work done. A math page usually takes him a few hours to finish these days. He can't sit still, if he is sitting there he is lost in lala land. He gets up and wonders off, every noise his sister and brother make he has to know what is going on etc. He is also becoming more and more "violent" when he is told to do somehting. After reading up on things over the past few months I'm certain he is ODD as well as the ADHD. He is becoming increasingly worse. It breaks my heart.. I feel like I have failed as a parent, and even find myself considering leaving and letting husband raise the kids because "obviosly I'm not a good parent and don't deserve these kids"... I do come back to reality and truely know it's not my fault, but it's hard to accept that sometimes.. I'm sure each of you have felt the same way. husband and I have an amazing relationship... In the almost 5 years that we have been together we have only had one fight.. as hard as that is to believe it's true (We actually had a dr argue with us telling us that every couple fights when we were having a hard time conceiving easy child 1). Sadly though, the stress from trying to deal with difficult child on our own has started taking it's toll on us as a family.. even affecting the little ones.. they suddenly think it's ok to not pick up their toys when we tell them to, and they feel it's ok to whine and mouth off to husband and myself. We have come to our breaking point, and know that if we want to keep control of the little ones we have to get difficult child in control. We have switched to a new Dr, and while there yesterday for the little ones checkups I asked about seeing a neuropsychologist for difficult child.. told him what was going on and he agreed that there was something "wrong" and set us up with the local hospital.. who since it is a learning hospital does have some of the best doctors there is (just not for routine care..lol). Sorry this was so long.. but it honestly feels good to get it out. I have spent so much time trying to convince myself it will get better, we just have to stick with it. Well, yes now at least we know it will get better.. but not on our own... we need help!