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New here- is there ever an uphill??
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 627589" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Welcome SS and glad you are here. I echo everything Echo said (a small attempt at humor on this Friday)...</p><p></p><p>Seriously, she and Lucy are excellent people to be first responders to your post. Your stories are very similar and they have been there done that. </p><p></p><p>There are the obvious flags to your story like his three friends and being overweight etc., issues I am sure that have been hard to deal with. But, he still has to deal with them... and/or find the help he needs and comply with that help. </p><p></p><p>I would suggest adding one thing to the family meeting. "We'd like you to also start making plans to move out and get your own place by ____date____ because that's what 22-year-old people do next." Give him some time to save up a bit and get his bearings and then he needs to launch.</p><p></p><p>Busy people are happier people. Get busy and your problems and ideological musings and reflections on life will fade into getting to work on time, working hard and doing a good job, fixing dinner, paying the light bill, doing a load of laundry and falling into bed to do it all over again. Like the rest of the world does.</p><p></p><p>Sitting and musing and studying the problems of the world----this said from a big reflector, that I am----leads to very few productive results. Unless, like Echo said, you want to go live in a monastery or in a squat like Lucy talks about, and if that is what you want to do, and it works for you, best wishes and enjoy the trip. </p><p></p><p>If he's depressed, he needs to get therapy and medications. And that doesn't absolve him from the very real responsibilities of life, as Echo said. </p><p></p><p>And like Lucy says, you need to stop the flow of money. Every single expert you will read will tell you that is the best way to get difficult children up off the couch and doing something. You can give notice and do it in a reasonable and respectful way, but it must be done.</p><p></p><p>Otherwise, we are creating big overgrown 20-something-year-old babies. And there is truly no place in society for them.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs. Glad you are here. We care and we get it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 627589, member: 17542"] Welcome SS and glad you are here. I echo everything Echo said (a small attempt at humor on this Friday)... Seriously, she and Lucy are excellent people to be first responders to your post. Your stories are very similar and they have been there done that. There are the obvious flags to your story like his three friends and being overweight etc., issues I am sure that have been hard to deal with. But, he still has to deal with them... and/or find the help he needs and comply with that help. I would suggest adding one thing to the family meeting. "We'd like you to also start making plans to move out and get your own place by ____date____ because that's what 22-year-old people do next." Give him some time to save up a bit and get his bearings and then he needs to launch. Busy people are happier people. Get busy and your problems and ideological musings and reflections on life will fade into getting to work on time, working hard and doing a good job, fixing dinner, paying the light bill, doing a load of laundry and falling into bed to do it all over again. Like the rest of the world does. Sitting and musing and studying the problems of the world----this said from a big reflector, that I am----leads to very few productive results. Unless, like Echo said, you want to go live in a monastery or in a squat like Lucy talks about, and if that is what you want to do, and it works for you, best wishes and enjoy the trip. If he's depressed, he needs to get therapy and medications. And that doesn't absolve him from the very real responsibilities of life, as Echo said. And like Lucy says, you need to stop the flow of money. Every single expert you will read will tell you that is the best way to get difficult children up off the couch and doing something. You can give notice and do it in a reasonable and respectful way, but it must be done. Otherwise, we are creating big overgrown 20-something-year-old babies. And there is truly no place in society for them. Big hugs. Glad you are here. We care and we get it. [/QUOTE]
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