New here.. looking for support for 5yr old daughter

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tinkermel2u, Jan 24, 2009.

  1. tinkermel2u

    tinkermel2u New Member

    Hi there.. Im new here, and just need the support of others in the same situation etc. I love my 5 year old daughter so much but just dont know what to do anymore.

    It started as the terrible 2's then 3's and well you get the idea. At 3, she started to put on weight.. and fast.. Ive had her tested for that - but nothing really comes back.. she is definately overweight for her age..

    her attitude is what is the worst. she has every symptom for ODD. I had her seeing a counsellor, until we exhausted what insurance would pay. The therapist said, yes she definately has everything for ODD - but is too young to diagnose completely???? she also said that if we dont do something now, that it will get worse. but what can we do????

    I cant enroll her in a real school so we homeschool. I do meet with an educational facilitator once a month to go over her school work and see how she is doing. She has reccommended a therapist through school and we will have her checked that way as well. She said the more we get documented the more we can get help.

    Every day is a daily struggle. My husband doesnt want to even have anything to do with her anymore because of her behavior. Everything is a fight. from getting dressed to anything. I cant even say good morning to her without her whining and fighting me. :whiteflag: I am so frustrated.. and so out of fight that it is making me depressed... She also still sleeps with us.. she refuses to sleep in her own room - her own bed..etc. she wont have anything to do with her father.. she beats him up, and calls him names.. she gets frustrated at the drop of a hat for nothing.. I am contstantly on eggshells trying to keep peace.. but it doesnt work...

    Is there a medication that helps??? I am going to the docs on Feb 17th for my younger daughters check up and was going to ask for something that might help.. but wasnt sure what was offered for ODD.

    I need it to help save my family.. and for my own sanity..
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    ODD very rarely stands alone. Most of our kids at one time met the entire criteria for ODD, and that wasn't the only problem. I totally suggest you take her for a neuropsychologist evaluation to see what else is going on. They are great evaluations. In the meantime, you may want to tell us more about her history and any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of her family tree.
    Welcome :)
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I agree with MWM. Your daughter needs a thorough evaluation. ODD is not a helpful diagnosis because it describes a set of behaviors rather than a condition (that can often be treated) that is fueling the behaviors.

    Why can't you send her to school? Has she been evaluated by the school for special education services?
  4. tinkermel2u

    tinkermel2u New Member

    I cant send her to school because of her attitude. She is very disruptive, major tempers.. etc. School wise she is very intellegent.. she is supposed to be kindergarten, but is doing 3rd grade work. She doesnt get along with other kids at all, especially her own age - she gets bored with them.. but she would rather be alone anyway.

    She has whining / temper / scream fests constantly.. from starting to get dressed to whenever.. The other day she went off on a tizzy because her pancake was the wrong color. Getting her dressed is always at least an hour cry / whine / temper time.. her clothes are never right..

    There is no reasoning with her.. especially when she gets that way.. which more so if more and more often.

    The school I am going through for homeschooling is setting up a time for an evaluation because they want to help before it is too late. Plus she is at the point where she is just refusing to do certain school work. SHe doesnt need Special Education, as she is overly intellegent.. but is being evaluated for her attitude...

    Im just so frustrated.. I cant take much more.. just this morning, she woke up - and went right to her father, "I hate you!".. she said.. then of course I cant really take her anywhere without a tantrum happening. Because she is so smart - I try talking to her, and letting her know that her attitude is not acceptable, and other 5 year olds do not act this way.. She says her attitude is fine, in her world - and her world is the only one that matters..

    I can go on and on... I am keeping a log though of when the explosions happen, and see if I can find a pattern anywhere..

    I just hope the doctor can at least give something to help.. I would so say she is bi-polar just the way her moods are.. she can be happy and playing and within 1 second screaming her head off, smashing and throwing things.. and then turn around and smile and tell me the "good Ky is here now!"..

    ok, Ill stop rambling...
  5. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I sent a child to kindergarten who was reading at a 5th grade level and even so school was able to help a great deal. Special Education means a wide range of things, including help with social skills, skills needed to function in an educational environment, etc. It goes WAY beyond helping children who have learning disabilities.

    There's a lot of neurological conditions that can result in moody kids so you want to do your homework well and see the right professionals.

    If the clothes are never right and minor differences in foods cause big uproars then you will want to look into sensory dysfunction. This usually doesn't ride alone but in conjunction with other neurological issues.

    You might also want to look into Asperger's Syndrome, the highest functioning of the Autistic Spectrum Disorders. It's rarely recognized by professionals before kindergarten, and in fact often the first big red flag is a child that isn't functioning well in school and/or doesn't want to interact with peers. Here's some info on that:

    I should mention that we're only parents here and don't diagnose, but we can point you in directions to research. If nothing rings a bell here, we can suggest some other places to look.

    I think you'd be helped on the homefront by checking into the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. You'll find a thread about it at the top of this board.
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2009
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Have you thought that she may have Aspergers Syndrome? I'll post a link. She has some big red flags for that. These are very, very bright kids who are socially clueless and who appear to lack empathy (although it really is that they don't understand the feelings of others and need to be taught). These kids do not "get it." They don't know or understand social cues or how others interact and may seem incredibly selfish. Actually, they need help and are often very frustrated and unhappy that they don't understand their world, even if they are brilliant. My son is like this (well, although he is just average in intelligence) and, at 16, he's doing great now:
  7. jal

    jal Member

    Welcome. You child sounds a lot like mine and he recently has been diagnosis'd Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - Aspergers. They had been treating him for bipolar and adhd, but nothing worked. He has been through 5 daycares and he made it through Kindergarden with-a lot of help and interventions, but is now in an out of district therapeutic school were he is thriving. My difficult child is very smart and bright, but also combative and rigid in his thinking. He prefers to be with-adults or older kids for the most part.

    FWIW and I can't diagnose, I'm just a mom, but my son used to be horrendous about getting dressed. Would easily frustrate, complained he couldn't do it himself (although we now he can, he has in the past). He just recently started taking Prozac, a small amount, and all of the sudden last week I come down the hall from getting ready and he's dressed. No yelling, no screaming or crying. I was in shock. He's gotten dressed everyday since then and on his own. He is taking that for anxiety.

    I would request that the school evaluate her since she falls under their jurisdiction now and also would pursue an individual neuropsychological evaluation for your daughter. Good luck.
  8. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Mellisa: the problems with the behavior remind me of when my son had spent most of his life with me. One sage person meeting him said" those will all be treated by going to kindergarden"
    The wilful interference between parents is a common behavior that young children will pursue to stay center stage.
    Plus you have a new baby that is competing with her as well as a husband. you are the ones (mom and dad) who make the program and define the boundaries.
    How about parenting classes? How about taking her to regular school and letting her get evaluated there with the search money that is for that purpose? She is a kindergarden age child and her free education is improtant for her future. clearly if you are being exhausted in a closed system of your family and she is not doing well and you and your family are suffering you can not blame a child. Wether she has odd or not or something else that is making her obese or unruly it IS inappropriate to isolate her and let the behaviors that are anti-social and manipulative work for her.
    The school can not say that she can not go there do to behavior and not provide a free and apropriate alternative for her to learn the things that any child her age can learn. What ever her mental issue she is INTITLED to a free appropriate education. Her issues do not seperate her from her rights. And as a parent you can not remake the wheel on your own as if you have some magic ability to know what she needs because you gave birth to her. you need to interact with folks in the field of early education and learn and apply new things in your parenting and with your husband as well.
    Welcome.There is so much at this site to help make it through.