My oldest-a college soph- moved out Monday night against our wishes. He's always been a bit impetuous and a tad narcissistic. Usually a good kid and pleasant to be around. He did some experimenting with drugs & alcohol at 16, but we got him into counseling and he thrived his junior & senior years in HS. His future looked great when he started college. We had many red flags over the summer break-dismal grades which he had lied to us about, a generally snide attitude towards us, *he came home stoned his first night of break, he rented an off campus apartment (for the upcoming year) without our knowledge, etc-all things that could individually be excused as typical until they started to form a pattern. We think he rented the apartment w no intention of telling us he was not living in the dorms. We gave him the benefit of the doubt, offered to pay the rent, tried to go with it even though we knew it was a bad idea. The final undeniable last straw was monday afternoon, when I spied an amazon order of rolling papers, grinder, rolling machine, a scale! etc he placed online monday to be shipped to his new apartment. We all know what a scale indicates... There was no way we could send him back to school with all these red flags. We asked him to stay home, go to work, go to school locally and agree to counseling and start fresh. No judgments, no yelling-just that we couldn't support his choice to go away. He refused, said horrible things to us and left for good. He stated he was going back to college without our help. We can't stop him. I have no idea how he will legally pay his tuition or apartment without our financial support. I contacted the dean but there's nothing she can do besides talk to him IF he is willing. We've reiterated that our home and our family is open to him so long as he lives by our rules. He scoffed. Basically we're "horrible parents, totally not with it, (other parents are cool with pot, it's legal in some states, etc) we're a totally dysfunctional family, it's my fault for snooping, blah blah blah. " In all honesty,I spent most of the summer "looking the other way" until it became impossible to ignore. (I should note that at my insistence he did see his counselor for 3 sessions this summer.) My heart is broken. Been crying for 24 hours straight. Once I found the amazon order-I knew I couldn't let him go back to school. Now he's isolated us completely (he left his phone on our doorstep) and will be400 miles away regardless-with no contact or safety nets. I'm so scared. I wish I had looked the other way and I know that's naive. I need some reassurance-or if not-some other steps to take.