Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
New here & needing something...I don't know what yet..
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="KMBernier" data-source="post: 640787" data-attributes="member: 18575"><p>Thanks to all of you. I'm in tears right now because its the first time in my life I've ever felt like I'm not the only one. Thankfully he is no longer physically violent toward my daughter or myself, although it was something we dealt with for a long time. The physical violence stopped when he was about 16. He tried to attack my daughter & I stepped between them. He threw a can at me and broke my hand. My daughter called the police and they arrested him. When I picked him up I immediately brought him to a hospital ER because he was threatening suicide (one of his favorite tactics he has used through the years to manipulate). He was placed in a "chill out and rest" hospital for a few weeks. He took medication for a while, but it made him feel weird so he refused to take it anymore. It didn't seem to work much anyway. He and I tried to go to therapy for a while, but he felt I was just trying to attack him. The therapist didn't listen when I tried to explain what life is like with him. She just spouted out nonsense about communication skills & redirecting behavior. Redirect behavior. Hmm...never tried that one out before... I tried love, redirecting, rewarding, punishment, reasoning, guilt, explaining and having him arrested. No matter my approach, there were never results. None. Not even temporarily.</p><p>After I kicked him out (new tactic, tough love) I shouldn't have let him come back, I know this. Its so hard because I've always been so family oriented and all I've ever wanted is a close, loving family. My kids were all I really had and I tried so hard to foster a strong sense of family and tradition. Holidays were always a big deal, no matter how much I struggled financially I made sure we had a good Christmas. There have been good times we've had together. We'd go camping, had our own made up games we'd play, my friend and I would bring all our kids "ghost hunting" and spent Sundays together and kept it "family day". The 3 of us were always huge Harry Potter fans & we went to every book release & movie opening. The three of us have HP tattoos because no matter what, it has always been our common denominator. Its the fact that there <em>were </em>those good parts that makes it so hard to deal with. Memories can be looked back upon and they always appear more rosy than they were. The good times were always punctuated by the bad times. My daughter and I spent a LOT of time walking on eggshells around the difficult child (when I first started reading stuff on this site I had to look on the glossary-type page to figure out what the abbreviations meant. I like difficult child. It sums it up perfectly.) I KNOW nothing will ever prompt him to change. Nothing short of a miracle. At this point in time he has been more or less living with his girlfriend. Our house has been just a place to nap after work before going to her house. He can't just take a nap, though. He'll take whatever he feels he is entitled to take. I've never met the girlfriend, but I wonder if she knows that the movies, money, some food and one brand new & still in package electric blanket are all stolen from his family. I also worry about her and how their future will play out. He's always been very popular, has a huge social circle, he is a musician and has been in a few bands over the course of his teen to adult life. To the rest of the world he is a great, charming guy. One of his friend's mother's referrers to him as "her angel". He saved his friend from drowning. She doesn't know the full story, though. My difficult child nearly got himself killed as well while trying to save his idiot friend who jumped into a nearby pond with a fountain in the center while stoned out of his gourd & started to get pulled under from the suction of the fountain. My son had to be the hero, of course. He also got a staph infection from the filthy water. Why the rest of the world gets the son I always wanted, but I get abused, manipulated and treated like a lower species, I have no idea. Its also why his teachers, doctors, therapists etc. never believed me. Although I haven't met the girlfriend, he always went for intelligent girls who were pretty "together". She is a full time collage student, lives by herself and works full time, so she must have some sense of responsibility. Right now, he is working full time and has actually held this job for over a year now. He smokes pot regularly (I also know he has taken "Molly" at some concerts he went to & drinks beer. Oddly enough, he will lie to my face without a beat regarding his stealing, but actually will be totally open about his drug use & drinking habits.) & I know his girlfriend does, too. (He "borrowed" my tablet and left his Facebook open. There was a photo of her taking a hit off a bong). I want him to move out, but this time its for good. After the holidays my husband and I plan to change the locks. In the meantime, I'm in the process of installing combination locks on my daughter's and our bedroom door. My head knows that this is the right thing & its not fair to force my daughter and husband to deal with his abuse. Choosing otherwise would be nothing but punishment to the two people in my world who DO care about me. My daughter deserves better. She needs to live at home, I want her to live at home. She is a full time student and working 3 jobs. Living at home now will allow her to succeed later & not so deep in debit. My head knows its right, even my heart knows its right, but there is still a part of me in mourning. That's the best way I can put it. In mourning for a child I never actually had and mourning the family unit I'll never have.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="KMBernier, post: 640787, member: 18575"] Thanks to all of you. I'm in tears right now because its the first time in my life I've ever felt like I'm not the only one. Thankfully he is no longer physically violent toward my daughter or myself, although it was something we dealt with for a long time. The physical violence stopped when he was about 16. He tried to attack my daughter & I stepped between them. He threw a can at me and broke my hand. My daughter called the police and they arrested him. When I picked him up I immediately brought him to a hospital ER because he was threatening suicide (one of his favorite tactics he has used through the years to manipulate). He was placed in a "chill out and rest" hospital for a few weeks. He took medication for a while, but it made him feel weird so he refused to take it anymore. It didn't seem to work much anyway. He and I tried to go to therapy for a while, but he felt I was just trying to attack him. The therapist didn't listen when I tried to explain what life is like with him. She just spouted out nonsense about communication skills & redirecting behavior. Redirect behavior. Hmm...never tried that one out before... I tried love, redirecting, rewarding, punishment, reasoning, guilt, explaining and having him arrested. No matter my approach, there were never results. None. Not even temporarily. After I kicked him out (new tactic, tough love) I shouldn't have let him come back, I know this. Its so hard because I've always been so family oriented and all I've ever wanted is a close, loving family. My kids were all I really had and I tried so hard to foster a strong sense of family and tradition. Holidays were always a big deal, no matter how much I struggled financially I made sure we had a good Christmas. There have been good times we've had together. We'd go camping, had our own made up games we'd play, my friend and I would bring all our kids "ghost hunting" and spent Sundays together and kept it "family day". The 3 of us were always huge Harry Potter fans & we went to every book release & movie opening. The three of us have HP tattoos because no matter what, it has always been our common denominator. Its the fact that there [I]were [/I]those good parts that makes it so hard to deal with. Memories can be looked back upon and they always appear more rosy than they were. The good times were always punctuated by the bad times. My daughter and I spent a LOT of time walking on eggshells around the difficult child (when I first started reading stuff on this site I had to look on the glossary-type page to figure out what the abbreviations meant. I like difficult child. It sums it up perfectly.) I KNOW nothing will ever prompt him to change. Nothing short of a miracle. At this point in time he has been more or less living with his girlfriend. Our house has been just a place to nap after work before going to her house. He can't just take a nap, though. He'll take whatever he feels he is entitled to take. I've never met the girlfriend, but I wonder if she knows that the movies, money, some food and one brand new & still in package electric blanket are all stolen from his family. I also worry about her and how their future will play out. He's always been very popular, has a huge social circle, he is a musician and has been in a few bands over the course of his teen to adult life. To the rest of the world he is a great, charming guy. One of his friend's mother's referrers to him as "her angel". He saved his friend from drowning. She doesn't know the full story, though. My difficult child nearly got himself killed as well while trying to save his idiot friend who jumped into a nearby pond with a fountain in the center while stoned out of his gourd & started to get pulled under from the suction of the fountain. My son had to be the hero, of course. He also got a staph infection from the filthy water. Why the rest of the world gets the son I always wanted, but I get abused, manipulated and treated like a lower species, I have no idea. Its also why his teachers, doctors, therapists etc. never believed me. Although I haven't met the girlfriend, he always went for intelligent girls who were pretty "together". She is a full time collage student, lives by herself and works full time, so she must have some sense of responsibility. Right now, he is working full time and has actually held this job for over a year now. He smokes pot regularly (I also know he has taken "Molly" at some concerts he went to & drinks beer. Oddly enough, he will lie to my face without a beat regarding his stealing, but actually will be totally open about his drug use & drinking habits.) & I know his girlfriend does, too. (He "borrowed" my tablet and left his Facebook open. There was a photo of her taking a hit off a bong). I want him to move out, but this time its for good. After the holidays my husband and I plan to change the locks. In the meantime, I'm in the process of installing combination locks on my daughter's and our bedroom door. My head knows that this is the right thing & its not fair to force my daughter and husband to deal with his abuse. Choosing otherwise would be nothing but punishment to the two people in my world who DO care about me. My daughter deserves better. She needs to live at home, I want her to live at home. She is a full time student and working 3 jobs. Living at home now will allow her to succeed later & not so deep in debit. My head knows its right, even my heart knows its right, but there is still a part of me in mourning. That's the best way I can put it. In mourning for a child I never actually had and mourning the family unit I'll never have. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
New here & needing something...I don't know what yet..
Top