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Parent Emeritus
New here & needing something...I don't know what yet..
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<blockquote data-quote="KMBernier" data-source="post: 642385" data-attributes="member: 18575"><p>I could start by saying that you all don't know how much it means to finally hear that I'm not alone and hear words of <u>understanding</u> , but I don't need to. All of you DO know how much it means. All the years of either hiding the full truth ("family secrets") out of shame, feeing like a bad parent or worse, having other's see you as a bad parent (especially his former teachers. I was a young, single mother, therefore I must be the problem). The biggest weight off of me has been the guilt of feeling like I've just done something wrong to screw him up and finally see that he would be the same regardless of what I've ever done or tried to do. My last resort came 2 years ago when I kicked him out. My sister took him in for a while and then kicked him out (she initially thought I was just being overdramatic, but then he trashed her house, screwed her over financially an stole money from her purse and medication from her room.). His loser of a father was finally forced to step up and did the grand deed of finding him a room in a boarding house located in an awful, crime ridden area and getting him enrolled into Job Corp. This whole process occurred over about a year. At the end of it all, I allowed him to come home again. He had graduated from JC, had gotten the scare of his life, saw his father's true evil self (he forced my son to give him the check he received from JC when he graduated to pay him back for the boarding house. The jerk never paid a dime of child support, but still took his money from him that I had planned to put in an account for him so he would have a deposit for an apartment when he found a job), started to open up and talk to me about our relationship and genuinely seemed like he would be ok. He came home November of 2012 and through 2013 it was mostly ok. Some issues, but nothing worse than any normal parent would experience (then again, I really don't have any idea what constitutes "normal" problems, come to think of it). Last Christmas was one the best we've had. This year it just has been a slow decline. He hasn't been home since before Thanksgiving, I know he has been In the house to get some of his stuff because I notice its missing. I'm waiting until Christmas passes to pack the rest of his stuff (no time, more than anything).</p><p>I've accepted the need to detach, I've started the process of it, but my heart is breaking. My own internal bar I had always set for myself was to make sure my family had a good Christmas, regardless of what we had going on. I've managed through divorce, deaths, foreclosure and more things I can count. Its the last thing left untainted by bad memories. My son refuses to be here. Its such a minor thing in the grand scheme but 21 years of hurt are tumbling on to me at once and I feel as though I'm drowning. How do you bear the weight?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="KMBernier, post: 642385, member: 18575"] I could start by saying that you all don't know how much it means to finally hear that I'm not alone and hear words of [U]understanding[/U] , but I don't need to. All of you DO know how much it means. All the years of either hiding the full truth ("family secrets") out of shame, feeing like a bad parent or worse, having other's see you as a bad parent (especially his former teachers. I was a young, single mother, therefore I must be the problem). The biggest weight off of me has been the guilt of feeling like I've just done something wrong to screw him up and finally see that he would be the same regardless of what I've ever done or tried to do. My last resort came 2 years ago when I kicked him out. My sister took him in for a while and then kicked him out (she initially thought I was just being overdramatic, but then he trashed her house, screwed her over financially an stole money from her purse and medication from her room.). His loser of a father was finally forced to step up and did the grand deed of finding him a room in a boarding house located in an awful, crime ridden area and getting him enrolled into Job Corp. This whole process occurred over about a year. At the end of it all, I allowed him to come home again. He had graduated from JC, had gotten the scare of his life, saw his father's true evil self (he forced my son to give him the check he received from JC when he graduated to pay him back for the boarding house. The jerk never paid a dime of child support, but still took his money from him that I had planned to put in an account for him so he would have a deposit for an apartment when he found a job), started to open up and talk to me about our relationship and genuinely seemed like he would be ok. He came home November of 2012 and through 2013 it was mostly ok. Some issues, but nothing worse than any normal parent would experience (then again, I really don't have any idea what constitutes "normal" problems, come to think of it). Last Christmas was one the best we've had. This year it just has been a slow decline. He hasn't been home since before Thanksgiving, I know he has been In the house to get some of his stuff because I notice its missing. I'm waiting until Christmas passes to pack the rest of his stuff (no time, more than anything). I've accepted the need to detach, I've started the process of it, but my heart is breaking. My own internal bar I had always set for myself was to make sure my family had a good Christmas, regardless of what we had going on. I've managed through divorce, deaths, foreclosure and more things I can count. Its the last thing left untainted by bad memories. My son refuses to be here. Its such a minor thing in the grand scheme but 21 years of hurt are tumbling on to me at once and I feel as though I'm drowning. How do you bear the weight? [/QUOTE]
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