Hi all, I found this forum/group when I did a search for resources on dealing with my adult son. I apologize in advance because this is going to be long. I'm at my wits' end, and I am very much alone in this. I haven't confided in anyone because I'm so embarrassed by how bad he's gone. My son was diagnosed with ADHD and depression when he was a child. He's long had issues with impulsivity; in adolescence, he also had problems with anger, lying, stealing, motivation and laziness. Up until the fifth grade, he was an excellent student and a really good kid. He was polite, helpful and active in school and church activities. He did struggle to control his impulses and control his emotions but he was still successful in school and well-liked. When puberty hit, however, everything changed. He became secretive, surly, lazy, and antisocial. He spent his days holed up in his room. I tried everything to get him to open up and become involved in things but he refused. If it wasn't for the fact that he is very intelligent and could get good grades with minimal effort, he wouldn't have graduated from high school. He almost didn't because he skipped school a lot in his senior year, unbeknownst to me. When I became aware of the situation, I met with his school counselor and the only real option was for him to leave traditional high school, complete the only two classes he had remaining to finish high school at a learning center, and graduate early. Because of his previous good grades and high SAT scores, he had gotten early acceptance to university, anyway. He assured me that he wanted to go to university, was motivated, and would succeed there. He said he was bored in high school and that's why he slacked. I believed him. I was that way -- I hated high school and thrived at university. When we went to freshman orientation, he was very excited to be there and when he took some CLEP exams, he placed out of College Composition I and II and the basic Math requirements. I really thought he was on his way! To make a very long story much shorter, he struggled in school but I had no idea what was going on because parents only get information when bills are due. The students have to agree to share academic and other info. Mine wouldn't. He told me what he wanted and a whole lot of lies. Some semesters he didn't even enroll. I had no clue because, at that point, financial aid was paying for his tuition and he was supposed to be working part-time to pay his share of the living expenses at the place he and other students rented. He told me about jobs he had and promotions he supposedly got. He made up most of it. Within the past year or so, everything has come crashing down and the lies caught up with him. He lost his car, most of his possessions, his girlfriend, and his college career. His student loans came due when he took time off and he couldn't keep up with the payments so now he can't go to school. I thought he was working but that turned out to be a lie and the friends with whom he was living kicked him out because he wasn't paying his share. He doesn't drink but he seems to have picked up a pot habit. He had nowhere to go and when he told me the truth of the past couple of years, I was ashamed that he was living off other people. I think it's my job as his parent to get him back on the right track. He has been very depressed and expressed suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I've been very worried. He's been living with me for a couple of months and it's not going well. He says he's applied for jobs and I believe him but he hasn't found a steady job. I'm disabled by severe health problems and live on a very fixed income. I told him when he came home that he would have to help out with food, utilities and gas for the car. He's doing some odd jobs and making about $70 per week but when I tell him that he needs to put gas in the car and buy some food, he screams at me. This isn't right or fair -- I've had to pawn jewelry just to buy food and gas because he eats most of the food in the house and uses my car all of the time. I just can't take this stress! I'm very worried that without a degree he's not going to find a decent job. Shoot, I'm worried that he won't be able to get ANY job because he has a police record from when he was at school and got picked up for two alcohol-related offenses. That was three years ago but they'll always be on his record, I'm guessing. It's not going to help his job search and I don't know how much it will hurt. It also doesn't help that he hasn't worked steady for at least two years. For all of these years, I have given him job leads, encouragement and advice, thinking he was doing well. I had no idea he was quitting jobs and lying. I'm concerned now that he may be sneaking off and smoking pot so he won't pass drug screenings for employment. He is very intelligent and has some very good qualities. I don't know why he has refused to work. His father died when he was young and I worked hard to support him. I continued my education while working and managed everything, so he had a good example and work ethic right in front of him. When his father was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I put him in grief counseling which continued after his father's death. I raised him with excellent values and made sure he had a good moral foundation. So it absolutely kills me that he is unmotivated, surly and uncaring. I deal with health problems and physical pain every day and honestly don't know how long I'll be able to live in my own home or even live. So the stress and sadness he's brought haven't helped. When I told him that he needs to help out with expenses, he told me that I need to have my disability increased or find something I can do to bring in more money. He even said he would like to sell my pain medication to bring in money and when I absolutely forbid it on moral and legal grounds, he told me he doesn't understand why I have values because they don't do me any good. I can't believe that my own son is so callous that he wants to sell my pain pills and scoffs at my values. Now I keep my pain pills under lock and key so he doesn't take them! It breaks my heart that my son would prefer for his mother to be in pain and to sell her pain pills illegally than for him to work. I'm afraid of what he may be capable of doing if I had him removed from my home. If he is willing to sell my medications for quick money, might he also injure or, God forbid, kill me so he can take my things and sell them? I want more than anything to help him get on the right track and live a good, productive life. How do I do that? Thanks for reading and letting me vent!