New here...so glad I found you all!

[staciemf]

Hi everyone...I am so happy to have found this place, but also totally bummed that I am here to begin with (as I'm sure all of you can relate).

My daughter is 8, always been a "challenge". All the usual stuff, every day is a struggle, there is always a fight about EVERYTHING. It's usually when things don't go EXACTLY as she planned in her head, then all hell breaks loose and she explodes. Sound familiar? She's every example in "The Explosive Child".

She started in a new school this year because we moved. However, she is in a 2nd/3rd grade COMBINED class, which isn't going well. Being ADHD to begin with, she is automatically distracted, then throw in the teacher who is teaching 1/2 the class something different, while difficult child is expected to work quietly and concentrate on her work...HAHAHAAA! Not to mention, she is BORED STIFF because everything she is learning in this school, she already learned in FIRST GRADE at her former school. The crazy thing is, her grades are awesome. When she does get her work done, it's A's. I just don't think she is being challenged enough. Teacher doesn't agree...thinks she is just being stubborn and doesnt want to follow the rules.

Had a conference today with her teacher....came up with some suggestions but I don't think this school is going to work for her long term because it will ALWAYS be a combined grade thing (next year it would be 3rd/4th). So I'm considering open enrollment, at a school that is more STRICT (which she needs...she behaves as well as she can for the "tough" teachers, and acts up more with the "lenient/nice" teachers), and also has more excel programs and Gifted/talented (she's fantastic at art and music). For example, last year she was spelling compound words on her weekly spelling tests, this year (2nd grade), words are as follows: Like, Little, Me, As. Her teacher is reluctant to bump her up to 3rd grade spelling since "she isn't a strong reader". WTF? I am so freakin' frustrated with the teachers....if my daughter complains, she is "making excuses". If I complain, they "don't feel she is ready". ??? Why not just give it a shot and see if she can prove them wrong? What will it hurt? ARgghhh!!!

We go next week to see her doctor to discuss medications. I'm finally ready for that (I think?). We've been dealing with this ADHD thing for the past year and a half, (along with counseling) but this year has been the ODD along with it and I just am hoping that there can be brighter days ahead. I never wanted to medicate her but it has gotten to the point where I feel I am actually doing her harm if I DON'T give it a try. Thankfully I am blessed with a head of thick hair, because it disguises how much I've actually pulled out!

 

[slsh]

Hello and welcome, and oh my gosh - I almost spewed my wine over your impending baldness!!! Only because I so totally relate!


Normally I'd suggest requesting an evaluation through the school for special education. Unfortunately, her grades are going to work against you, even though they're not supposed to. If a child has moods or behaviors that impair their ability to receive an education, they qualify for special education but a *lot* of schools only look at academic performance. It would be a really uphill battle for you. on the other hand, her not being a "strong reader" might get your foot in the door in terms of getting them to do a full (multidisciplinary) evaluation. You might want to post over the in Special Education 101 forum to get the expert's advice. I'm really kinda on the fence here.

We all bring our personal biases here to the board, so please take what you think fits and skip the rest. *My* bias with an irritable, defiant kiddo with ADHD traits and with parents who have a history of mood disorders (no blame or shame there - just the joy of genetics, being a depressed/bipolar person myself) would be to not jump on the lone ADHD wagon just yet but see if you can get psychiatrist to evaluate/consider a mood disorder in your daughter. My son brought new meaning to oppositional/defiant/irritable in his early elementary years. Also, interestingly, I remember going round and round with his first teachers over how bloody bored he was in class, and they insisted he was just being stubborn. His "punishment" was being forced to go sit in the 3rd grade classroom when he misbehaved in Kindergarten - guess who turned into an absolute angel while in "punishment", LOL.

Anyway - you sound like you're on top of things. Excellent that you've read "The Explosive Child" - great book and definitely one of the most helpful for me in starting to understand the interesting way my kid's mind works.

So glad you found us! Welcome!

 

[staciemf]

Thanks for your reply and warm welcome, Sue.

I'll talk to her doctor about mood disorder (did you mean her pediatrician? or psychiatric? still trying to get the hang of all the abbreviations!). We see the pediatrician next week. Unfortunately, our insurance will ONLY cover add/adhd appointments, so we're kind of classifying it as that for insurance purposes right now, even though it could be more (our doctor is willing to work with us that way). I haven't read anything on mood disorder yet, so I guess that'll give me something new to look into and ask about. difficult child is a total jekyl/hyde....she can be the most loving, affectionate and caring person and then BAM! Something doesn't go E-X-A-C-T-L-Y her way and she's downright evil!

Thankfully, she DOES have those easy child moments that make me adore her....so I don't drive us all off a cliff or something. I find that the more I remain CALM, the easier it is for me and for my son (easy child)...so that he's not hiding in a corner fighting back tears because he's afraid.

Can I just say that genetics really suck?! LOL She's exactly like me when I was a kid...the worst part is my mom was right! Okay, I'm off to have a glass of wine and read a book. Gotta love fiction, takes me away from my own crazy world.

 

[4sumrzn]

I would go with enrollment in a school you feel would benefit her the best! It sounds as if she is doing well with grades, is able to learn & possibly wants to be above the "other" half of the class and/or you believe she is capable of it. I have one child that has been labeled as gifted since early grade school (still has the good grades, smart boy, but wish the school system wouldn't make it SO huge) & one child that goes back and forth on coming across as a 3 year old or a 5 year old....she's 7. I guess I just heard quite a bit of praise in your post with your daughter & your questioning medications. I would start out with proving the teachers wrong, only because it sounds as if you have a smart girl on your hands. Just my opinion though. Sending {{hugs}} and a warm welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

['Chelle]

Just adding my hi, as I'm not sure I have any advice for you, have no experience with adhd, just the defiance which The Explosive Child helped me with. I don't know, but for grade 2 spelling the list of words you mentioned seems a little below grade 2. My easy child's latest spelling lists for grade 2 included sometime, asked, chat, come, whenever. And my easy child doesn't read well, she's taking resource room for that, though the resource teacher says she's the best of the resource group she has LOL. Generally she does well on spelling regardless. That just sounds like an excuse from the teacher for not challenging her more. I'm with you, give her some grade 3 spelling along with the other, if she can't handle it drop back to just grade 2. It would only take a test or two to figure that out, which wouldn't affect much of her year. Go with your mommy instincts as to medications and the right school, they're usually right.

Again, welcome to the site, hope you can find the advice and a place to vent that you need.

 

[BusynMember]

ODD is a part of most childhood disorders. The history on both sides of your family is very strong for a mood disorder, which is often misdiagnosed as ADHD. The scary part is, ADHD medications of any kind make a mood disorder worse. I wouldn't bother with the pediatrician. Diagnosing psychiatric or neurological disorders is not really his field. He's the one who does the sniffles and other childhood diseases. Childhood disorders I trust only to NeuroPsychs (they've always been the best for me) or Psychiatrists with that big MD after their names (not therapists). The pediatrician is most likely to brush it off, and call it ADHD because he hasn't been trained in other areas with that much expertise. A neuropsychologist will do intensive testing. I wish you luck, keep looking for your answers. (I'm an oldbee here and I welcome you warmly)!

 

[staciemf]

Thanks ladies for your replies. I'm going to look more into mood disorder. It's strange because anytime I tell anyone that knows my daughter that she is ADHD, their immediate reaction is a stunned "REALLY?" No one quite believes it...or "sees" it in her.

My daughter is smart, a little too smart for her own good in my opinion. The new school I am considering also has excel programs and a gifted/talented...more options. What really irks me is that her teacher NEVER before mentioned that she was in the lower level of 2nd grade reading. Her report card even says "achieving at expected level" for every category in reading. I think it was just her teacher's knee-jerk reaction...probably a little offended by my suggestion that it was too easy, and probably a little fed up with my daughter and not thinking she was "deserving" to be in a higher grade spelling. So once I found out about her reading difficulties, I immediately asked if she could get extra help and she will now be a part of a reading resource group (I think that's what they call it now).

What really ***** is that I feel like my daughter is always going to be a challenge...I just hope we don't always have the same problems every year. It's so tough. I just want to shake her and say "JUST LISTEN AND DO AS YOU ARE TOLD!" She thinks the world is out to get her. But then I look at a woman I know who has triplets, all born premature. They are 3 years old, one is almost blind and one still eats from a feeding tube. Then I feel guilty for feeling bad about my own situation, when in reality, overall I am blessed with a healthy (and difficult) child.

Nobody ever warns us that this mommy thing is so tough!! I don't think I can express enough how glad I am to have found this place.

 

[Wiped Out]

Just adding my welcome. You're right nobody every does warn us about this mommy thing being so hard. Interesting the way the teacher is teaching the 2/3 classroom. I've taught multi-aged many years and will probably go back to it in the future. I've never taught two separate curriculums. We teach science and social studies on a rotating two year curriculum and math we always switched classrooms-one teacher takes one grade and one takes another. Reading is always done in groups and writing is easy to do whole class-you just challenge them to their level. That being said I still prefer straight grades. I hope you are able to find a school to meet your daughter's needs.

I can totally relate to the jekyl/hyde thing-drives me crazy.