New here. So torn about my 17 y/o son.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Karenvm, Jan 13, 2013.

  1. Karenvm

    Karenvm Member

    Hello All.
    I am so glad I found this site. I posted in "substance abuse", and found so much support!
    My story is this (in a nutshell): DS 17, the oldest of my 3 sons, is making my life miserable, and has been for the past two years. He is brilliant, always has been. Is a great kid outside of my home. BUT- has anxiety/depression, ODD, maybe bipolar, and tends to "self medicate" with pot and occasional alcohol. Has had two inpatient stays in adolescenct psychiatric in the past year (each for one week), stemming from major anxiety, threat of suicide, cutting, etc. Been in therapy with psychiatry and psychology for two years, not getting any better.

    He just refuses to follow any "rules" in our house (except for his curfew, which he never misses). It's just STUPID stuff, but the point is, he will NOT adhere to my rules, and just does what he wants. If I take away his phone, he usually will find it and just take it back. Same with computer, video games, etc. He's totally addicted to electronics/video games, so I have removed the damn XBOX from my house completely. I ask him not to drink my soda (that I buy for work and keep in my car), but he drinks it and leaves cans all over his room. Stuff like that.

    Last week, I found out that he skipped school... left early with a friend one day and came back to my empty house (husband was away all week for work and I was at work), where they played video games and smoked pot (my home alarm system tells me when a door or window is opened, and there's a camera that takes a picture of the front door when it's opened during the day. Had this installed back when we found out he was "sneaking out" at night). I waited to see what he would do the next day, and sure enough, he didn't even GO to school at all. I left work and went home around 10:30, caught him, and drove him to school. He scored SO high on his SAT's, but now may not graduate because he skipped an entire quarter of phys ed! They gave him a break, and he had to make up some work, but he never did the work! And now he has skipped the class again, so I don't know that they will give him another break.

    I feel like a prisoner in my own home- I hide my purse, my car keys (I have not allowed him to get his license yet, because he hasn't gone even three months being "clean"). I constantly worry about what he's doing in his room when I 'm not there (have caught him smoking numerous times). He is defiant, and at times has "threatened" me to kick him out- says legally I can't, and he'd "like to see me try". Last week, I took every electronic device from his room. Two days later, he has an ipod touch again (that he obviously found in my "hiding spot" and took back!), so he's able to get on the internet again. I told him I want the ipod back, and he flat out refuses. He's bigger and stronger than me, and my husband is out of town, so I can't do a thing about it!

    I want him out of the house, but where can I send him?? A 30 day rehab won't help- it's too temporary. No family members are able to take him. He clearly has more mental health issues than substance abuse issues, but what help is there for that?? Plus, I want to cry when I picture him leaving here to live elsewhere- I feel terribly guilty.

    He is SO unrealistic- tells people he is going to go to Medical school after college (hello- he's not even gotten his act together to even APPLY to college, and at this point there's no way he can go away, the way he is! Plus, his grades are not good- he takes all Advanced Placement classes that he insisted on, and is not doing well. He has NO activities that he's involved in, he stopped going to his wonderful part time job, etc. ).

    I feel so torn... when he's "good", he's wonderful. But he can be mean, and hateful to me. And lies ALL THE TIME ABOUT EVERYTHING. It's affecting my other sons at this point- my 14 year old is so torn up by all that goes on day in and day out.

    I know there are a lot of "typical teen" things that he does, but I belive his issues are more than "typical". All the help we are getting him has done nothing at all... and things continue to get worse.

    Anyone in a similar situation, or have any advice for me?

    thank you!
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Welcome :) I think I posted to you on SA :)