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New Here -- Son With Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) diagnosis
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633547" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>We adopted our 11 year old (he is also of color, all of our adopted kids are) because we wanted to love a child who would probably never get adopted. As he sexually acted out on my younger children for three years (also of color, I have no prejudice, but they tend to linger in the foster care system longer), I am really sorry that we made that decision. They bond when they are infants, not when they are eleven. My younger adopted children are the sun in my world and they love me too. We adopted one who was six and he grew up and left us all and never came back. We adopted one eleven year old and he was a nightmare. Molestation is just the worst of what he did...he stole, set little fires in his room that my kids had to watch (not in front of us), killed animals including two of our own dogs (we didn't think it was him the first time...the second one let us realize he was not a good kid. He acted like an angel in front of ALL adults. Even fooled his psychiatrist, which is why we felt comfy adopting him...his psychiatric loved him as did his foster parents of five years who had a daycare and, whom we learned later, he admitted he had molested those kids too and other kids "since I was five. I don't know why I did it." H e doesn't remember being molested himself. He obviously was.</p><p></p><p>The shock for us was how sweet he always acted to adults so that not one adult thought anything was going on. Yet he was so terrifying to our younger children that they thought he'd kill us all if they told on him because he'd threatened to do that and they didn't say anything until he was gone.</p><p></p><p>I think your son had reactive attachment disorder, which is childhood lack-of-conscience. It can sometimes be treated with specific therapy and sometimes not. It is hard to diagnose as most psychiatrists don't know about it, which is rather sad. Some think it is very rare. Amongst oklder adopted kids, it is not rare. Most have attachment issues. Some, like ours, had the whole disorder. It morphs into antisocial personality disorder in adulthood.</p><p></p><p>This thirteen year old (when he left us) was on the sexual predator registry list at that young age. Not only had he perped on my kids, but he perped on a voiceless, disabled child in his classroom who had epilepsy. The teachers had no idea. They thought it was sweet that R. was so kind to him. (Shudder).</p><p></p><p>I tell anyone who asks me about adoption to adopt as young a child as you can. I tell them that even at six months, if they have not been cuddled or loved the right way, they could already be damaged significantly...the brain changes. We used to call it "failure to thrive." Everyone knows babies needs love and nurturing and human touch to grow to their potential. If a child doesn't get this in infancy, there can be grave consequences.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633547, member: 1550"] We adopted our 11 year old (he is also of color, all of our adopted kids are) because we wanted to love a child who would probably never get adopted. As he sexually acted out on my younger children for three years (also of color, I have no prejudice, but they tend to linger in the foster care system longer), I am really sorry that we made that decision. They bond when they are infants, not when they are eleven. My younger adopted children are the sun in my world and they love me too. We adopted one who was six and he grew up and left us all and never came back. We adopted one eleven year old and he was a nightmare. Molestation is just the worst of what he did...he stole, set little fires in his room that my kids had to watch (not in front of us), killed animals including two of our own dogs (we didn't think it was him the first time...the second one let us realize he was not a good kid. He acted like an angel in front of ALL adults. Even fooled his psychiatrist, which is why we felt comfy adopting him...his psychiatric loved him as did his foster parents of five years who had a daycare and, whom we learned later, he admitted he had molested those kids too and other kids "since I was five. I don't know why I did it." H e doesn't remember being molested himself. He obviously was. The shock for us was how sweet he always acted to adults so that not one adult thought anything was going on. Yet he was so terrifying to our younger children that they thought he'd kill us all if they told on him because he'd threatened to do that and they didn't say anything until he was gone. I think your son had reactive attachment disorder, which is childhood lack-of-conscience. It can sometimes be treated with specific therapy and sometimes not. It is hard to diagnose as most psychiatrists don't know about it, which is rather sad. Some think it is very rare. Amongst oklder adopted kids, it is not rare. Most have attachment issues. Some, like ours, had the whole disorder. It morphs into antisocial personality disorder in adulthood. This thirteen year old (when he left us) was on the sexual predator registry list at that young age. Not only had he perped on my kids, but he perped on a voiceless, disabled child in his classroom who had epilepsy. The teachers had no idea. They thought it was sweet that R. was so kind to him. (Shudder). I tell anyone who asks me about adoption to adopt as young a child as you can. I tell them that even at six months, if they have not been cuddled or loved the right way, they could already be damaged significantly...the brain changes. We used to call it "failure to thrive." Everyone knows babies needs love and nurturing and human touch to grow to their potential. If a child doesn't get this in infancy, there can be grave consequences. [/QUOTE]
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