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New Here -- Son With Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) diagnosis
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633554" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The problem is, you never know the whole story. And you don't know what went on in the foster homes. Many are abusive. We had one foster boy who was lovely...not problem-free, but he was adopted locally and is doing great. He obviously had more resilience than the one we adopted. His foster mom had sexually had her way with him the entire time he was with her and put a gun to his head to force him when he resisted. He was seven and had never told anyone before me. When I called his case worker, she seemed unconcerned (honest!) and said , well, she wasn't a foster mother anymore. In fact, she was homeless, so she can't hurt any other kids. Far as I know, nothing happened to her.</p><p></p><p>Back to 11 year old. He was 11 when he came and never showed his bad side to us. We found out about it only when he was 13 and had hung our puppy by a leash. It makes me cry every time I think about it as I LOVE animals. We got her because he'd strangled our other dog. But we thought the bad drug kids my oldest was hanging around with did it because he acted to perfect around us that we couldn't imagine him doing that. He cried a lot too (what a good actor he was) . The reason I found out about t he puppy being on him was because there were only two people home, him and me, and the puppy was inside the house, not in th e fields like our other dog had been with lots of neighbors around. Apparently many kids saw him strangle the dog, but every single child was so afraid of him none of them told about what he did to us or to their own parents. He was a monster. Right after the puppy died, my daughter had two urinary tract infections. She was only five. Then it all made sense and hub and I didn't even have to discuss it. He was gone.</p><p></p><p>The "nice" eleven year old you met was probably so screwed up that you were blessed she never came home. They all act nice at first. Please don't adopt again unless you want an infant. All kids in foster care are there because of horrible birthparents and the older they are the more they'd been passed around foster home to foster home and they just don't learn how to bond. If you don't care about others, because you don't trust them, you don't really care if you steal from them, hurt them, burn their house down (I know a foster kid of nine who did this to an acquaintance of mine) or even sometimes if they kill you. That is the extreme. It would not shock me if I saw on television that this boy we adopted murdered somebody.</p><p></p><p>There is no such thing as a well adjusted child who is even three years old and in foster care or from an orphanage. They are missing the essential caregiver love that all humans need and it just screws them up. The only exceptions would be if the child's family was loving, but the parents died in a car crash. That child, having learned that you can trust adults, would probably bond well to another family because the childl would know that humans can love them and that they are valuable and that their needs will be taken care of. Most kids in the foster care system were abused in many homes and on many levels and love is not enough. Yes, I thought it was too. Actually, many of these foster kids are so damaged they don't want to be loved.</p><p></p><p>When our ex-son was interviewed in his lock down facility for young sexual predators, he had no idea why he did the things he did. When asked if he missed us, he said, "I liked the money and the toys." When asked specifically about us, he shrugged. "I dunno." We heard about this second hand. Since he left, we have not spoken to him again. When asked if he wanted to go back home he said, "I dunno." </p><p></p><p>I knew a man who used to post here and he had adopted nine boys. All but one went bad and had attachment disorder. He helped us a lot. We knew him in real life. It was very sad and he was a very nice man.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633554, member: 1550"] The problem is, you never know the whole story. And you don't know what went on in the foster homes. Many are abusive. We had one foster boy who was lovely...not problem-free, but he was adopted locally and is doing great. He obviously had more resilience than the one we adopted. His foster mom had sexually had her way with him the entire time he was with her and put a gun to his head to force him when he resisted. He was seven and had never told anyone before me. When I called his case worker, she seemed unconcerned (honest!) and said , well, she wasn't a foster mother anymore. In fact, she was homeless, so she can't hurt any other kids. Far as I know, nothing happened to her. Back to 11 year old. He was 11 when he came and never showed his bad side to us. We found out about it only when he was 13 and had hung our puppy by a leash. It makes me cry every time I think about it as I LOVE animals. We got her because he'd strangled our other dog. But we thought the bad drug kids my oldest was hanging around with did it because he acted to perfect around us that we couldn't imagine him doing that. He cried a lot too (what a good actor he was) . The reason I found out about t he puppy being on him was because there were only two people home, him and me, and the puppy was inside the house, not in th e fields like our other dog had been with lots of neighbors around. Apparently many kids saw him strangle the dog, but every single child was so afraid of him none of them told about what he did to us or to their own parents. He was a monster. Right after the puppy died, my daughter had two urinary tract infections. She was only five. Then it all made sense and hub and I didn't even have to discuss it. He was gone. The "nice" eleven year old you met was probably so screwed up that you were blessed she never came home. They all act nice at first. Please don't adopt again unless you want an infant. All kids in foster care are there because of horrible birthparents and the older they are the more they'd been passed around foster home to foster home and they just don't learn how to bond. If you don't care about others, because you don't trust them, you don't really care if you steal from them, hurt them, burn their house down (I know a foster kid of nine who did this to an acquaintance of mine) or even sometimes if they kill you. That is the extreme. It would not shock me if I saw on television that this boy we adopted murdered somebody. There is no such thing as a well adjusted child who is even three years old and in foster care or from an orphanage. They are missing the essential caregiver love that all humans need and it just screws them up. The only exceptions would be if the child's family was loving, but the parents died in a car crash. That child, having learned that you can trust adults, would probably bond well to another family because the childl would know that humans can love them and that they are valuable and that their needs will be taken care of. Most kids in the foster care system were abused in many homes and on many levels and love is not enough. Yes, I thought it was too. Actually, many of these foster kids are so damaged they don't want to be loved. When our ex-son was interviewed in his lock down facility for young sexual predators, he had no idea why he did the things he did. When asked if he missed us, he said, "I liked the money and the toys." When asked specifically about us, he shrugged. "I dunno." We heard about this second hand. Since he left, we have not spoken to him again. When asked if he wanted to go back home he said, "I dunno." I knew a man who used to post here and he had adopted nine boys. All but one went bad and had attachment disorder. He helped us a lot. We knew him in real life. It was very sad and he was a very nice man. [/QUOTE]
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