crystal23
New Member
My two daughters (now 12 and 15) and I moved in and blended families with my boyfriend (now finacee) and his two sons (now 12 and 17) three years ago. His 17 year old son has been diagnosed with learning disabilities (ADD) since a young age and more recently Depression. Things are getting tougher on the school and homefronts as the years go on. He has zero motivation, lacks empathy, has extreme difficulty socially, and is very narcissistic. Issues are escalating between him and his mother so he has been primarily living with us lately.
We have gone to great lengths to get him excited in something and support him. His grandfather recently bought him a truck but he is unmotivated to study for his driving test although he can spend hours researching what he wants to buy for his truck online with money he does not have because he is unmotivated to look for a part time job. He thinks a lot about money and wants a lot so he can buy all the things he dreams about but wants none of the responsibility and shows no interest in planning for his future. Ughhhh
Lately he is getting himself in sticky situations at school being disrespectful to teachers and feeling entitled to do what he wants when he wants. He is very immature in his thinking, lack self-reflection, and cannot see the error in his approach with others. He is always the "victim".
He watches TV endlessly and fantasizes about guns (I find pictures he prints out of guns in the middle of the night in my printer in the morning). He recently told his father and therapist that some of his friends are taking drugs and he fantasizes about "taking out the drug dealer" in order to help them but in the next breath also says he fantasizes about "taking the dealer's place and making lots of money" Personally I don't worry about him dealing because he lacks and motivation to get off the couch, is a complete homebody, and he doesn't have the street savvy (he is pretty intellectually impaired). I do worry about him experimenting because he is trying to fit in. He really struggles to make friends.
Today he took a butter knife from our home and brought it to school. He was caught cutting up a paper plate into small pieces with it and received 2 in school detentions. I'm sure when his father talks to him later he'll just say he didn't think it was a big deal. There have been many of these situations lately in which he shows very poor judgment. I feel it's been with more frequency since he was placed on anti-depressents.
I am beginning to get very concerned that this is heading down a dark road and I worry about my kids getting in the cross hairs. My girls and his brother are growing more frustrated everyday as this boy feels the house rules don't apply to him when they have to obey them. My finacee often loses his temper but doesn't deliver consequences. He picks my brains for ways to address situations but then doesn't follow through because he becomes to agitated. I try not to step in too much with the discipline because I don't feel it is my role. So I feel helpless in this situation and feel that when I do lovingly offer advice to the son, he gives me the "I could careless" demeanor. He only is interested when it effects him directly not at all about how his choices and behavior effect others and our family.
I have been through a lot of really tough stuff in my life, but have felt the power to make changes. In this situation I don't feel that way. I am considering getting a therapist for the first time ever. I don't want to leave this relationship. My daughters and I have invested a lot into creating a new home life and family, but I worry about all the red flags. I don't want them to be in a dangerous home.
Advice please...
We have gone to great lengths to get him excited in something and support him. His grandfather recently bought him a truck but he is unmotivated to study for his driving test although he can spend hours researching what he wants to buy for his truck online with money he does not have because he is unmotivated to look for a part time job. He thinks a lot about money and wants a lot so he can buy all the things he dreams about but wants none of the responsibility and shows no interest in planning for his future. Ughhhh
Lately he is getting himself in sticky situations at school being disrespectful to teachers and feeling entitled to do what he wants when he wants. He is very immature in his thinking, lack self-reflection, and cannot see the error in his approach with others. He is always the "victim".
He watches TV endlessly and fantasizes about guns (I find pictures he prints out of guns in the middle of the night in my printer in the morning). He recently told his father and therapist that some of his friends are taking drugs and he fantasizes about "taking out the drug dealer" in order to help them but in the next breath also says he fantasizes about "taking the dealer's place and making lots of money" Personally I don't worry about him dealing because he lacks and motivation to get off the couch, is a complete homebody, and he doesn't have the street savvy (he is pretty intellectually impaired). I do worry about him experimenting because he is trying to fit in. He really struggles to make friends.
Today he took a butter knife from our home and brought it to school. He was caught cutting up a paper plate into small pieces with it and received 2 in school detentions. I'm sure when his father talks to him later he'll just say he didn't think it was a big deal. There have been many of these situations lately in which he shows very poor judgment. I feel it's been with more frequency since he was placed on anti-depressents.
I am beginning to get very concerned that this is heading down a dark road and I worry about my kids getting in the cross hairs. My girls and his brother are growing more frustrated everyday as this boy feels the house rules don't apply to him when they have to obey them. My finacee often loses his temper but doesn't deliver consequences. He picks my brains for ways to address situations but then doesn't follow through because he becomes to agitated. I try not to step in too much with the discipline because I don't feel it is my role. So I feel helpless in this situation and feel that when I do lovingly offer advice to the son, he gives me the "I could careless" demeanor. He only is interested when it effects him directly not at all about how his choices and behavior effect others and our family.
I have been through a lot of really tough stuff in my life, but have felt the power to make changes. In this situation I don't feel that way. I am considering getting a therapist for the first time ever. I don't want to leave this relationship. My daughters and I have invested a lot into creating a new home life and family, but I worry about all the red flags. I don't want them to be in a dangerous home.
Advice please...