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New here...struggling as a step mom
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 648771" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, hon. Sorry for the problems. I think you nailed it yourself.</p><p>No matter how much you may love your boyfriend, his son is a problem and it does not sound as if he is even safe around your daughters. I think you need to maybe get therapy and decide if this is something you really want to do. His son is going to be a negative and very hard factor for years.</p><p></p><p>Maybe you can just go back to dating him and move out and see how this things shakes out with son. Sounds like he is probably taking drugs.</p><p></p><p>You are not helpless at all. In fact, you create your own life's destiny. You can choose your daughters and your own life and decide that, yes, he's a nice man, but that this is too much chaos and that you don't want to live with it. You are right about one thing. You are helpless to change this son of your bfs. Only he can change himself and he doesn't sound like he wants to change.</p><p></p><p>I suggest you hop over to the Parent Emeritus form, which is for parents of difficult children who are over 18 and read our stories. All of them. This kid sounds like he's heading that way and your husband sounds like he blows a lot of hot air, but isn't willing to put him out of the house even if he IS dangerous.Has he stolen from his dad yet? Gotten violent with Dad or your girls? Broken things (which is a form of violence). Talked threats (another form of violence). Do you like the yelling and fighting in the house?Has he ever been sexually inappropriate with or around your daughters? I'd put my daughters needs first here.</p><p></p><p>As for this kid again, I truly don't think he should have a truck. What a disaster it will be if he has his own truck and drives as irresponsibly as he is with the rest of his life. Don't ever allow him to drive your daughters or yourself anywhere. ''</p><p></p><p>I think you can probably find and deserve a more stable situation and that this is a walking timebomb, however it is your destiny and your decision. I am very glad you are seeing a therapist!</p><p></p><p>Talking to this young man won't help him, especially come from you. Lay low. You aren't related to him...dad is the one who has to do something and he may NOT be able to control this type of almost-grown child. Read again on Parent Emeritus about how hard we tried to change our difficult adult children, and this son is one year from being legal. I believe he can deal. It doesn't take energy, just the love of easy money and a disregard of the law. Most users also sell. It goes hand-in-hand. He would not do it around you, but drug users are incredibly sneaky. Did Dad ever check his room completely when he wasn't home? I would suggest it just to see what is going on under your roof.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 648771, member: 1550"] Hi, hon. Sorry for the problems. I think you nailed it yourself. No matter how much you may love your boyfriend, his son is a problem and it does not sound as if he is even safe around your daughters. I think you need to maybe get therapy and decide if this is something you really want to do. His son is going to be a negative and very hard factor for years. Maybe you can just go back to dating him and move out and see how this things shakes out with son. Sounds like he is probably taking drugs. You are not helpless at all. In fact, you create your own life's destiny. You can choose your daughters and your own life and decide that, yes, he's a nice man, but that this is too much chaos and that you don't want to live with it. You are right about one thing. You are helpless to change this son of your bfs. Only he can change himself and he doesn't sound like he wants to change. I suggest you hop over to the Parent Emeritus form, which is for parents of difficult children who are over 18 and read our stories. All of them. This kid sounds like he's heading that way and your husband sounds like he blows a lot of hot air, but isn't willing to put him out of the house even if he IS dangerous.Has he stolen from his dad yet? Gotten violent with Dad or your girls? Broken things (which is a form of violence). Talked threats (another form of violence). Do you like the yelling and fighting in the house?Has he ever been sexually inappropriate with or around your daughters? I'd put my daughters needs first here. As for this kid again, I truly don't think he should have a truck. What a disaster it will be if he has his own truck and drives as irresponsibly as he is with the rest of his life. Don't ever allow him to drive your daughters or yourself anywhere. '' I think you can probably find and deserve a more stable situation and that this is a walking timebomb, however it is your destiny and your decision. I am very glad you are seeing a therapist! Talking to this young man won't help him, especially come from you. Lay low. You aren't related to him...dad is the one who has to do something and he may NOT be able to control this type of almost-grown child. Read again on Parent Emeritus about how hard we tried to change our difficult adult children, and this son is one year from being legal. I believe he can deal. It doesn't take energy, just the love of easy money and a disregard of the law. Most users also sell. It goes hand-in-hand. He would not do it around you, but drug users are incredibly sneaky. Did Dad ever check his room completely when he wasn't home? I would suggest it just to see what is going on under your roof. Welcome to the board :) [/QUOTE]
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