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New here. Thank goodness I've found a place where people understand.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633399" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>sweetmama, he is an adult now. He can get a job. He won't if you don't push him to do it, but there is no reason why he can't work. He can find a room to rent, if that is all he can afford, in somebody's house. At least he is being grown up and independent and paying his own rent. Even flipping burgers beats asking you to support him. If he chooses to be homeless and, yes, it is a choice because he can work, then there are shelters and adult services there he can take advantage of. Many of our kids were homeless once or still are. </p><p></p><p>I was very afraid of 36. He never hit me either. He did spit in my face and corner me, but never hit me. I was afraid one day he would though. He did shove his father when he was living with him and his father has always been very sick and frail, even when young. He was also verbally violent. Yes, there is such a thing. Words can scare us too. Threats can scare us. Oh, yeah. The suicide threat. My son has used that so many times that I started calling 911 whenever he did it and the threats stopped. He was furious that I called 911, but I take suicide threats seriously and there was nothing I could do so I hung up and called 911. My son was unemployed, disabled, and homeless for a while. He lived in one seedy hotel after another with my ex paying the bill (I couldn't control ex and really didn't mind him paying for cheap hotels). I sometimes visited him with food. </p><p></p><p>There is a large homeless community. Many people want to be homeless and know where to sleep, where the food is, etc. Food is not an issue. There is always food somewhere. You can stay in a shelter if you promise to follow rules. The problem with our difficult child adult kids is that they don't see themselves as adults AND they don't feel accountable to anybody. The rules don't apply to them. Many would rather hang out in tent cities than follow anyone's rules. And until they join society, we can't help them. They are old enough to make their own decisions and we have no control over anyone but ourselves and how we deal with them. It is your choice how to deal with your son and I wish you lots of luck. It may not hurt to go to a domestic violence shelter and talk to them to see if he is abusing you. Verbal abuse can be just as potent as physical abuse and can turn into physical abuse. And sometimes it is our children who abuse us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633399, member: 1550"] sweetmama, he is an adult now. He can get a job. He won't if you don't push him to do it, but there is no reason why he can't work. He can find a room to rent, if that is all he can afford, in somebody's house. At least he is being grown up and independent and paying his own rent. Even flipping burgers beats asking you to support him. If he chooses to be homeless and, yes, it is a choice because he can work, then there are shelters and adult services there he can take advantage of. Many of our kids were homeless once or still are. I was very afraid of 36. He never hit me either. He did spit in my face and corner me, but never hit me. I was afraid one day he would though. He did shove his father when he was living with him and his father has always been very sick and frail, even when young. He was also verbally violent. Yes, there is such a thing. Words can scare us too. Threats can scare us. Oh, yeah. The suicide threat. My son has used that so many times that I started calling 911 whenever he did it and the threats stopped. He was furious that I called 911, but I take suicide threats seriously and there was nothing I could do so I hung up and called 911. My son was unemployed, disabled, and homeless for a while. He lived in one seedy hotel after another with my ex paying the bill (I couldn't control ex and really didn't mind him paying for cheap hotels). I sometimes visited him with food. There is a large homeless community. Many people want to be homeless and know where to sleep, where the food is, etc. Food is not an issue. There is always food somewhere. You can stay in a shelter if you promise to follow rules. The problem with our difficult child adult kids is that they don't see themselves as adults AND they don't feel accountable to anybody. The rules don't apply to them. Many would rather hang out in tent cities than follow anyone's rules. And until they join society, we can't help them. They are old enough to make their own decisions and we have no control over anyone but ourselves and how we deal with them. It is your choice how to deal with your son and I wish you lots of luck. It may not hurt to go to a domestic violence shelter and talk to them to see if he is abusing you. Verbal abuse can be just as potent as physical abuse and can turn into physical abuse. And sometimes it is our children who abuse us. [/QUOTE]
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