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Parent Emeritus
New here. Thank goodness I've found a place where people understand.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633403" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>What he texted is what they all typically text. "A good mother would send money to me" is typical. The thing is, a good mother helps her adult son grow up, even though he fights it. They try guilt to get us to do what they want. If that fails, expect more. You have the option of not responding or of just saying "I know you're smart and can do this yourself. You don't need me. You're a man now." If he flips out because you won't send him money, you can stop reading his texts or just keep typing "You're an adult now. I love you, but I know you can do this." I prefer turning off the phone. You never answered if he is on drugs or if this is something you really don't know. If he is using drugs or alcohol abusively, a good idea is to join Al-Anon or Narc-Anon for face time support and comfort and to learn how to take care of yourself. You probably have other loved ones who are not getting attention because the difficult children suck all the air out of a room and demand our attention. Often we end up giving our all to a 30 year old difficult child when we have a ten year old who still needs a mother but is not causing us any grief. That's not fair. There is one other person we forget about when we deal with difficult children: Ourselves. We deserve good lives. We do not have to be that 80 year old woman who is still caring for her 60 year old abusive son. We can have a good life, detach, and learn how to cope with finding happiness and serenity in spite of our grown adult children's demands and meanness and struggles. We do not owe them a lifetime of financial support nor a lifetime of living at our house while we cook for them, do their laundry for them and they lay around and sleep all day. I think we owe them a kick to grow up. Without that kick...see my line about the 80 year old woman who never had a life and is still financially supporting her abusive 60 year old son who yells "What kind of mother are you????" Yes, sometimes it goes on forever. But it doesn't have to. The choice is your own.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633403, member: 1550"] What he texted is what they all typically text. "A good mother would send money to me" is typical. The thing is, a good mother helps her adult son grow up, even though he fights it. They try guilt to get us to do what they want. If that fails, expect more. You have the option of not responding or of just saying "I know you're smart and can do this yourself. You don't need me. You're a man now." If he flips out because you won't send him money, you can stop reading his texts or just keep typing "You're an adult now. I love you, but I know you can do this." I prefer turning off the phone. You never answered if he is on drugs or if this is something you really don't know. If he is using drugs or alcohol abusively, a good idea is to join Al-Anon or Narc-Anon for face time support and comfort and to learn how to take care of yourself. You probably have other loved ones who are not getting attention because the difficult children suck all the air out of a room and demand our attention. Often we end up giving our all to a 30 year old difficult child when we have a ten year old who still needs a mother but is not causing us any grief. That's not fair. There is one other person we forget about when we deal with difficult children: Ourselves. We deserve good lives. We do not have to be that 80 year old woman who is still caring for her 60 year old abusive son. We can have a good life, detach, and learn how to cope with finding happiness and serenity in spite of our grown adult children's demands and meanness and struggles. We do not owe them a lifetime of financial support nor a lifetime of living at our house while we cook for them, do their laundry for them and they lay around and sleep all day. I think we owe them a kick to grow up. Without that kick...see my line about the 80 year old woman who never had a life and is still financially supporting her abusive 60 year old son who yells "What kind of mother are you????" Yes, sometimes it goes on forever. But it doesn't have to. The choice is your own. [/QUOTE]
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