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New here. Thank goodness I've found a place where people understand.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633427" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Scent, as you know, everything I learned was from The School of Hard Knocks, as is yours. When you've been at it as long as we have, you are either learning to cope and detach or you are half insane. Often these adult kids get meaner and meaner as they older. Some do get better. Mine has mellowed out a lot because I set STRONG phone boundaries and the phone is our only contact. I will not visit him and stay in his house because I'm afraid...and I have little extra money. I can't afford a hotel. He won't travel at all. Part of that is fear (he has serious anxiety) and part of it is selfishness. He doesn't LIKE to drive. He won't even go to Chicago where his Midas Father livess. His father has to drive down to see him and he does. His father is 66 and not well. He has never been well. But to see his grandson, who is the person he really goes to see, he has to drive down to Missouri from Chicago, a five or longer hour drive.</p><p></p><p>I just shudder at how ex lets his son take advantage of him, although his son has done many questionable things to ex. Once son wanted a vacation from his job and his boss never gave vacation to anyone unless it was because of a family emergency. So my son told his boss that his father had died (yes, he said that). Then he called my ex and told him not to call work again ever because he had said he had died. No shame. Antisocial. I don't know what else to call it. I see connections between my son and certain other difficult children on the board and your son may be one of them. My son is not fueled by drug taking either. This is who he is. It is what he has always been. He was like this even as a very small boy. The world revolves around him and he'll do anything to get his way. There is something very creepy about a full grown adult, totally in control of his faculties, who just glibly tells somebody a parent has died when he hasn't.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, I feel your pain. I don't know if your son will get better. I think you'll like him a lot more if you distance yourself from him and warn his sister to never let him see her when she is alone. It's sad to have to fear a child of ours, but it is an unspoken form of abuse that is still pretty much in the closet. But it's not that uncommon. You hear about elderly people abused by their adult children...these certainly weren't kind adult children before the parents became older. I am definitely going to make sure that, if anything happens to me and I can't make decisions, that my two daughters have control of my welfare. I wouldn't trust that particular son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633427, member: 1550"] Scent, as you know, everything I learned was from The School of Hard Knocks, as is yours. When you've been at it as long as we have, you are either learning to cope and detach or you are half insane. Often these adult kids get meaner and meaner as they older. Some do get better. Mine has mellowed out a lot because I set STRONG phone boundaries and the phone is our only contact. I will not visit him and stay in his house because I'm afraid...and I have little extra money. I can't afford a hotel. He won't travel at all. Part of that is fear (he has serious anxiety) and part of it is selfishness. He doesn't LIKE to drive. He won't even go to Chicago where his Midas Father livess. His father has to drive down to see him and he does. His father is 66 and not well. He has never been well. But to see his grandson, who is the person he really goes to see, he has to drive down to Missouri from Chicago, a five or longer hour drive. I just shudder at how ex lets his son take advantage of him, although his son has done many questionable things to ex. Once son wanted a vacation from his job and his boss never gave vacation to anyone unless it was because of a family emergency. So my son told his boss that his father had died (yes, he said that). Then he called my ex and told him not to call work again ever because he had said he had died. No shame. Antisocial. I don't know what else to call it. I see connections between my son and certain other difficult children on the board and your son may be one of them. My son is not fueled by drug taking either. This is who he is. It is what he has always been. He was like this even as a very small boy. The world revolves around him and he'll do anything to get his way. There is something very creepy about a full grown adult, totally in control of his faculties, who just glibly tells somebody a parent has died when he hasn't. At any rate, I feel your pain. I don't know if your son will get better. I think you'll like him a lot more if you distance yourself from him and warn his sister to never let him see her when she is alone. It's sad to have to fear a child of ours, but it is an unspoken form of abuse that is still pretty much in the closet. But it's not that uncommon. You hear about elderly people abused by their adult children...these certainly weren't kind adult children before the parents became older. I am definitely going to make sure that, if anything happens to me and I can't make decisions, that my two daughters have control of my welfare. I wouldn't trust that particular son. [/QUOTE]
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