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Parent Emeritus
New here. Thank goodness I've found a place where people understand.
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<blockquote data-quote="PennyFromTheBlock" data-source="post: 633507" data-attributes="member: 18271"><p>Thanks for your reply and I'm new here too- but boy I wish I had found something like this years ago.</p><p></p><p>As far as getting help- I've told him that he NEEDS help (the boy has absolutely ZERO empathy for anyone else, none) and that while he is on my insurance, I can help GET HIM the help. He refuses. Says that all "they" do is tell you what is wrong with you.</p><p></p><p>He was on medication for ADHD and quit taking it at 16. I remember the school giving me H3LL over that and I had to ask them- "what would you have me do? Sit on this 16 year old boy and force him to take it every morning?" - I mean, yes, it helped him so much.....but....</p><p></p><p>I've offered to go with him to counseling, get HIM counseling, put him in the inpatient treatment again, whatever it takes to help him. But as I read (here, somewhere else? I don't remember)- when the parent (me) cares more about his life and future than HE does- it's time to let go. I've had to repeat that to myself many times. </p><p></p><p>I try to not feel guilty. I do. I guess for us, I'm it- there is no father to run to and get help, there is no big family support system. It's always been us. The three of us against the world. One for all and all for one. ha! jokes on me. (tongue in cheek).</p><p></p><p>I've found in the last two weeks (from the straw that broke the camel's back- stealing from my mother's house) I've gone through all the stages of grief. Sad. Angry. Resentful. Full of regret. Guilty. I'm back at angry right now. </p><p></p><p>So badly I want to tell him (and have him GET IT) that enough is enough! I mean, I have told him that. I've told him that he's 21, I'm not even legally responsible for him. I've been trying to HELP him. He mistakes my kindness for weakness. Then something happens and I'm a crying mess overwhelmed with how we got HERE.</p><p></p><p>/sigh</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PennyFromTheBlock, post: 633507, member: 18271"] Thanks for your reply and I'm new here too- but boy I wish I had found something like this years ago. As far as getting help- I've told him that he NEEDS help (the boy has absolutely ZERO empathy for anyone else, none) and that while he is on my insurance, I can help GET HIM the help. He refuses. Says that all "they" do is tell you what is wrong with you. He was on medication for ADHD and quit taking it at 16. I remember the school giving me H3LL over that and I had to ask them- "what would you have me do? Sit on this 16 year old boy and force him to take it every morning?" - I mean, yes, it helped him so much.....but.... I've offered to go with him to counseling, get HIM counseling, put him in the inpatient treatment again, whatever it takes to help him. But as I read (here, somewhere else? I don't remember)- when the parent (me) cares more about his life and future than HE does- it's time to let go. I've had to repeat that to myself many times. I try to not feel guilty. I do. I guess for us, I'm it- there is no father to run to and get help, there is no big family support system. It's always been us. The three of us against the world. One for all and all for one. ha! jokes on me. (tongue in cheek). I've found in the last two weeks (from the straw that broke the camel's back- stealing from my mother's house) I've gone through all the stages of grief. Sad. Angry. Resentful. Full of regret. Guilty. I'm back at angry right now. So badly I want to tell him (and have him GET IT) that enough is enough! I mean, I have told him that. I've told him that he's 21, I'm not even legally responsible for him. I've been trying to HELP him. He mistakes my kindness for weakness. Then something happens and I'm a crying mess overwhelmed with how we got HERE. /sigh [/QUOTE]
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