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New here - What is doing the Riley?
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<blockquote data-quote="runawaybunny" data-source="post: 639618" data-attributes="member: 1"><p>Hello and welcome to the community. I'm glad that you found us but I'm sorry that you had to. Sorry that things are so rough for you right now.</p><p></p><p>Dr. Douglas Riley is a practicing child and adolescent psychologist who has written the following books:</p><p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Defiant-Child-Parents-Oppositional-Disorder/dp/0878339639/ref=asap_B001ITRFRI_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416082871&sr=1-1" target="_blank">The Defiant Child: A Parent's Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder,</a></p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/What-Your-Explosive-Child-Trying/dp/0618700811/ref=asap_B001ITRFRI_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416082871&sr=1-2" target="_blank">What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions</a></p><p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Rileys-Box-Tricks-Solutions/dp/0738214280/ref=asap_B001ITRFRI_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416082871&sr=1-4" target="_blank"></a></p><p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Rileys-Box-Tricks-Solutions/dp/0738214280/ref=asap_B001ITRFRI_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416082871&sr=1-4" target="_blank">Dr. Riley's Box of Tricks: 80 Uncommon Solutions for Everyday Parenting Problems</a></p><p></p><p>Here is a link to a thread that Dr. Riley started here a few years ago. <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/dr-riley-checking-in.22952/" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/dr-riley-checking-in.22952/</a></p><p></p><p>The following is a description of Dr. Riley's techniques for dealing with defiant kids written by cd member Pico:</p><p></p><p>I will attempt to explain Doug Riley in a very short space, but I cannot do the man justice in one posting.</p><p></p><p>Doug Riley truly understands the defiant baseline of ODD kids. He also understands the turning point.</p><p></p><p>In order to get my kid's attention, I had to prove to him in one sweeping event, that I was the parent -- therefore the Person In Charge; and he was the child -- therefore the Person who has to live with the rules set down by the picture. How do you get this across to your child?</p><p></p><p>Riley has a really straightforward approach to dealing with ODD kids.</p><p></p><p>1. You are the boss. Kid has to believe this down in the core of him where he lives. How do you do this? By teaching him what you are REQUIRED BY LAW to do for him, as his parent.</p><p></p><p>BY LAW: A parent must provide a child with food, shelter, clothing, and a place to sleep. Period. Now we have to break that down. But suffice it that the list does NOT include: Nintendo, Nikes, a car, a computer, a television, a cd player, or cds to play in it, cool clothes, pizza, soft drinks, a bicycle, music of any kind, books, magazines, friends, phone, soccor, football, any other sports, anything fun.</p><p></p><p>Food: Balanced meals are to be provided, but they are not fun food. They are nutritious. Period.</p><p></p><p>Clothing. Two days worth of clothing appropriate to the season. These clothes do not include any fun or fashion clothes. Shirts are plain, with no logos or status symbols. Pants fit. Shoes are functional but not status symbols.</p><p></p><p>Shelter. Shelter is an empty room.</p><p></p><p>A place to sleep. A mattress, a blanket, a pillow. Period.</p><p></p><p>That is a full Riley.</p><p></p><p>You are now freaking out. You think you've just met the parent from hell.</p><p></p><p>Well. Love. When my 10 year old stood in the livingroom of my house and cussed me out, calling me a M------ F-------- B----- and his response to my demand that he cut that out was to tell me to go to Hell, I decided that a Full Riley was an extremely moderate response. This little darling, by the way, was at the time receiving counseling 3 to 4 days a week, and was sucking all the resources and energy, and oxygen out of the entire family.</p><p></p><p>So I calmly walked into his room and started carrying stuff out, starting with the CD player, as I had not taught him that language so he must have picked it up from the CDs. His bicycle followed the CD player, and before long, I had his undivided attention.</p><p></p><p>I have since perfected selective removal of specific items as natural consequences. But to get his total attention, and to get him to understand the sanctity of your ownership of your property, a full Riley with a bare room is reasonable.</p><p></p><p>The point of all this is?</p><p></p><p>He is ENTITLED to air, food, clothing, shelter, and a place to sleep.</p><p></p><p>Everything else is GOOD STUFF. You have to Earn the good stuff. And EARN is a hard one. It took my kid four months to EARN back his CD player. It took him an additional Six Months to earn back a bicycle. During that time he was not allowed to borrow either of those items from his brother either.</p><p></p><p>It's what you would do if he was 16 and he did something stupid and lost his driver's license. You can't drive for a year. Period. You don't get to borrow dad's drivers license do you? Nope. You learn to walk, buster. Or you ride in the geek seat in the back of somebody else's mom's car. Hey. Life is full of stuff you have to learn.</p><p></p><p>So You have to teach the kid that GOOD STUFF is earned. Time with the family is GOOD STUFF. TV is GOOD STUFF. Being outside on the front porch is GOOD STUFF. Reading anything other than school work is GOOD STUFF. Phone is good stuff. Privacy on the Phone is not an option. At least not for a good long while.</p><p></p><p>Natural consequences:</p><p></p><p>Kid slams bedroom door. Remove door. Store it in your bedroom between your headboard and the wall. Do not give it back for at least two months. The lesson: a door means privacy. Privacy is a privilege. You can't slam a sheet.</p><p></p><p>Respect the real estate that the parents provide or you lose a chunk of it. You abuse the door you lose the door. You break a window, it is replaced with plywood. You kick a wall outlet, the circuit breaker to your room is turned off or removed from the breaker box. You kick holes in the walls, the walls are covered with plywood. You kick holes in any walls, you lose your shoes at the front door. Your toes will tell you what you didn't want to hear from your parents -- that kicking walls is pretty darned stupid.</p><p></p><p>Well, love, I hope I haven't terrorized you, but that's the basics of it.</p><p></p><p>There are a lot of other books on the market that take different approaches with the kids, but this was what worked for me. It is part of what I did to get my kid back into the human race.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="runawaybunny, post: 639618, member: 1"] Hello and welcome to the community. I'm glad that you found us but I'm sorry that you had to. Sorry that things are so rough for you right now. Dr. Douglas Riley is a practicing child and adolescent psychologist who has written the following books: [URL='http://www.amazon.com/Defiant-Child-Parents-Oppositional-Disorder/dp/0878339639/ref=asap_B001ITRFRI_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416082871&sr=1-1']The Defiant Child: A Parent's Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder,[/URL] [URL='http://www.amazon.com/What-Your-Explosive-Child-Trying/dp/0618700811/ref=asap_B001ITRFRI_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416082871&sr=1-2']What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions[/URL] [URL='http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Rileys-Box-Tricks-Solutions/dp/0738214280/ref=asap_B001ITRFRI_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416082871&sr=1-4'] Dr. Riley's Box of Tricks: 80 Uncommon Solutions for Everyday Parenting Problems[/URL] Here is a link to a thread that Dr. Riley started here a few years ago. [url]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/dr-riley-checking-in.22952/[/url] The following is a description of Dr. Riley's techniques for dealing with defiant kids written by cd member Pico: I will attempt to explain Doug Riley in a very short space, but I cannot do the man justice in one posting. Doug Riley truly understands the defiant baseline of ODD kids. He also understands the turning point. In order to get my kid's attention, I had to prove to him in one sweeping event, that I was the parent -- therefore the Person In Charge; and he was the child -- therefore the Person who has to live with the rules set down by the picture. How do you get this across to your child? Riley has a really straightforward approach to dealing with ODD kids. 1. You are the boss. Kid has to believe this down in the core of him where he lives. How do you do this? By teaching him what you are REQUIRED BY LAW to do for him, as his parent. BY LAW: A parent must provide a child with food, shelter, clothing, and a place to sleep. Period. Now we have to break that down. But suffice it that the list does NOT include: Nintendo, Nikes, a car, a computer, a television, a cd player, or cds to play in it, cool clothes, pizza, soft drinks, a bicycle, music of any kind, books, magazines, friends, phone, soccor, football, any other sports, anything fun. Food: Balanced meals are to be provided, but they are not fun food. They are nutritious. Period. Clothing. Two days worth of clothing appropriate to the season. These clothes do not include any fun or fashion clothes. Shirts are plain, with no logos or status symbols. Pants fit. Shoes are functional but not status symbols. Shelter. Shelter is an empty room. A place to sleep. A mattress, a blanket, a pillow. Period. That is a full Riley. You are now freaking out. You think you've just met the parent from hell. Well. Love. When my 10 year old stood in the livingroom of my house and cussed me out, calling me a M------ F-------- B----- and his response to my demand that he cut that out was to tell me to go to Hell, I decided that a Full Riley was an extremely moderate response. This little darling, by the way, was at the time receiving counseling 3 to 4 days a week, and was sucking all the resources and energy, and oxygen out of the entire family. So I calmly walked into his room and started carrying stuff out, starting with the CD player, as I had not taught him that language so he must have picked it up from the CDs. His bicycle followed the CD player, and before long, I had his undivided attention. I have since perfected selective removal of specific items as natural consequences. But to get his total attention, and to get him to understand the sanctity of your ownership of your property, a full Riley with a bare room is reasonable. The point of all this is? He is ENTITLED to air, food, clothing, shelter, and a place to sleep. Everything else is GOOD STUFF. You have to Earn the good stuff. And EARN is a hard one. It took my kid four months to EARN back his CD player. It took him an additional Six Months to earn back a bicycle. During that time he was not allowed to borrow either of those items from his brother either. It's what you would do if he was 16 and he did something stupid and lost his driver's license. You can't drive for a year. Period. You don't get to borrow dad's drivers license do you? Nope. You learn to walk, buster. Or you ride in the geek seat in the back of somebody else's mom's car. Hey. Life is full of stuff you have to learn. So You have to teach the kid that GOOD STUFF is earned. Time with the family is GOOD STUFF. TV is GOOD STUFF. Being outside on the front porch is GOOD STUFF. Reading anything other than school work is GOOD STUFF. Phone is good stuff. Privacy on the Phone is not an option. At least not for a good long while. Natural consequences: Kid slams bedroom door. Remove door. Store it in your bedroom between your headboard and the wall. Do not give it back for at least two months. The lesson: a door means privacy. Privacy is a privilege. You can't slam a sheet. Respect the real estate that the parents provide or you lose a chunk of it. You abuse the door you lose the door. You break a window, it is replaced with plywood. You kick a wall outlet, the circuit breaker to your room is turned off or removed from the breaker box. You kick holes in the walls, the walls are covered with plywood. You kick holes in any walls, you lose your shoes at the front door. Your toes will tell you what you didn't want to hear from your parents -- that kicking walls is pretty darned stupid. Well, love, I hope I haven't terrorized you, but that's the basics of it. There are a lot of other books on the market that take different approaches with the kids, but this was what worked for me. It is part of what I did to get my kid back into the human race. [/QUOTE]
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