MidwestMom, I can hear what you're thinking again. I agree. It sounds so very familiar.
Aub, a few things. I'll try to be brief.
First - get your hands on that book. For an advance peek at how it works, check out the sticky post on Early Childhood forum.
Second - chase up the neuropsychologist evaluation. A few things sound very much like Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) to me, but others may also see similarities with other disorders. Basically, I think the ADHD may be the tip of the iceberg, and the ODD may simply be the difficulty in disciplining a child who cannot concentrate, cannot control impulses, cannot cope with transitioning form one task to another and REALLY can't cope with being physically forced.
Third - try to leave discipline for school issues to be handled by the school. You've got enough to do. He needs home to be a refuge from school, not to have the problems of school follow him home. It makes it too relentless for him.
Fourth - if your discipline methods aren't working, drop them. It's worse than useless to keep trying a discipline technique which is not working, because every failure only reinforces that his bad behaviour cannot be controlled. Instead of trying to control him, try to use his own stubbornness to hep him control himself. It's easier than you think - get the book and read it, it explains how. And it should be even easier than what you are currently doing - I found my load lightened when we changed tack.
Does he seem at all improved on ritalin? It would be good if there is something that can bring some improvement.
Aub, you said, "It just breaks my heart because sometimes when he is misbehaving he will begin to cry and say, "i can't control my brain!" or "my brain won't let me stop!". and i can tell he is genuinely upset that he is acting the way he is."
Yes, that makes a lot of sense. It is good that he felt safe enough to share this with you. He explained himself very well.
It may not be Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - besides, we can't diagnose here, you need a medical expert for that. But something that might help, would be to go to
www.childbrain.com and look for their Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. You can do the test on him (you answer the questions yourself, based on what you remember about him) and the questions are even hot-linked to help you know exactly how to assess your answers so you aren't too generous or too conservative in your responses.
You then score it, see what it says and print it out. Take the printout to the doctor, the neuropsychologist or whoever and it should help them see some of the oter things you're concerned about. Even if he scored as "no Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)", because it can STILL show you've thought about it and it can help them think in a different direction.
At 6, it's not surprising for a kid to not get absolutely everything diagnosed in detail. Some things take time to work out. It would be understandable for a doctor to want to treat the most obvious problem first because once THAT is dealt with, it's easier to get a clearer picture of what is still left.
Anyway, welcome to the site, we're here to help. You are where we have been. That's all.
Marg