New Here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by busybee, Aug 20, 2008.

  1. busybee

    busybee New Member

    I am so glad I found this site. My sister suggested it when I called her crying today because I feel like I just can't take anymore. I will tell you a little about my situation. My DS is 13. We have been having issues with him since he was probably 4 years old. We have always known his behavior is not normal, but never really knew what to do. Now that he's hit adolesence he is almost unmanageable. In the last year we have had the police at our house 3 times because he is either getting physically violent or is threatening to damage property.
    Anyway, this summer we took him to a psychologist. He was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. We noticed a difference when he started taking his medications and things were better. Then they started getting bad again, so they increased his medications. Again, things were good for about a month. Now things are starting to get bad again. They are increasing his doseage again, but I feel like we can't keep doing this every month or so. He gets very argumentative. He refuses to do anything we ask. I'm at my wits end. I just don't know how I can deal with this anymore. I have 2 younger daughters and his behavior scares them. There have been times that they have huddled together in the bathroom with the door locked because they are scared of him. I just don't know what to do anymore.:sad-very:
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Busybee,

    Glad you found us, sorry you had to. Many of us have landed here when we just didn't know what to do anymore.

    What medications is your son taking? Are they stimulants for the ADHD?

    One thing that would be helpful would be to have a neuro-psychologist do the testing along with a child psychiatrist. They might be able to give a better picture of what is going on. There might be more than just Adhd and ODD going on.

    You are not alone, we are here for you and you will receive great support here.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Welcome! I second Sharon's suggestion- many people have had kids diagnosed with ADHD/ODD to find later on that it isn't the correct or complete diagnosis. If it was, it would appear that the treatment would be more effective and parents wouldn't be left feeling desparate so many times. More thorough evaluations usually reveal a little more specific problems and help hone in on a more accurate diagnosis. The neuropsychological testing helps a great deal and I, personally, like more than one type of professional involved in the evaluation, if possible.
  4. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    Welcome to the board!

    I second what everyone else said.

    How does he do in school? Does he have friends?

    My daughter has been afraid of my son for a couple of years now. He's very intimidating and threatens her a lot. He also doesn't listen to anything I say most of the time either. We're still working on it.

    Have you ever read the Explosive Child? I recommend it.

  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Welcome BusyBee! I saw your post earlier on, but Heckle Jeckle and Clyde were driving me nuts!

    We're a pretty good group, and there's not much out there that at least SOMEONE hasn't experienced, so you'll get a lot of input here.

    Sounds like there's a LOT more than ADHD/ODD going on here! Here are a couple of questions:

    1. What type of medications is he taking?
    2. Have you had a neuropsychologist done on him? This is a bunch of tests done by a neuropsychologist (you usually get them done in a Childrens or Teaching hospital) that will be able to look at a variety of things and get you a more fine tuned diagnosis.
    3. Is there a history of mental illness, autism, learning disabilities, substance abuse in the family?
    4. Any type of sensory issues (sensitive to touch, smell, taste, sound, etc)?

    Try and throw a signature on when you get a chance (like the one at the bottom of my post) this way people can get to know you better!

    When you get a chance, take a look at Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child". It's a fairly easy read, not a lot of technospeak, that will give you some insight as to how your child thinks. He also seems to have a way of writing that makes you feel like he wrote the book from your living room!

    MOST IMPORTANT: Don't feel bad about how you feel when it comes to your difficult child. If he's violent, and is a danger to himself or others, then he should be taken to the emergency room and evaluated. Plus: sometimes you just don't like 'em! ;)

    My youngest had anxiety attacks because of the meltdowns that went on here.

    Some kids that are on the Autistic Spectrum, or have a mental illness can get more aggressive with stimulant medications. Have faith, hope and trust that the answers will start coming!

    We're here for you!

  6. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    <<<HUGS>>> welcome

    does your son display these behaviors towards others (ex: school, work, friends, strangers) or just the family?

    Has he been in a hospital program yet, this could be an important 1st step, although it's what would come after that would actually be beneficial, it's the in hospital program that would help to get the ball rolling.

    Glad you found the site, there's an awesome community of parents here, who really do understand! welcome
  7. busybee

    busybee New Member

    Okay, I'm going to try to answer all the questions that have been posted!

    What medications is your son taking? Are they stimulants for the ADHD?
    He is taking concerta. I believe that is a stimulant for the ADHD.

    How does he do in school? Does he have friends?
    Behavioraly he does fine in school. His teachers have all told me that he is not a behavior problem, he just doesn't do his work. So his grades last year were terrible. Quite frankly, I surprised they passed him to the 8th grade.
    He does have friends. He also has a girlfriend, which has been an issue with his budding sexuality.

    2. Have you had a neuropsychologist done on him? We haven't had this done. Honestly I'm sure where to even start with that. Would I ask his psychiatrist or our family dr.

    3. Is there a history of mental illness, autism, learning disabilities, substance abuse in the family? there is not any diagnosed mental illness, but as I've started going through this with my son I've started to believe that I have the same problems that he does. I really need to seek some help for myself also because we seem to trigger each other.

    4. Any type of sensory issues (sensitive to touch, smell, taste, sound, etc)? No he doesn't have any sensory issues. Other than the behavioral issues he is a very healthy boy.

    does your son display these behaviors towards others (ex: school, work, friends, strangers) or just the family?
    He really only displays these behaviors toward family. Originally it was just to my husband and I, but he has spent alot more time with my parents in the last year because I am going to school full time and my husband works 2nd shift. He has also started directing more anger towards his sisters. He doesn't get physical with them, but he gets angry about every little thing they do.
  8. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator


    I'm always amazed when professionals equate anger, aggression and violence with ADHD. Anger is more closely tied to emotional reactivity, which is commonly a symptom of a mood issue (for example, anxiety, depression or bipolar disorder). Stimulants like Concerta can exacerbate anxiety, cause depression and make kids with bipolar disorder much worse. That may be why you're seeing a return and worsening of behaviors every time you increase the Concerta dose. In your shoes, I'd ask the psychiatrist about discontining the Concerta instead of continuing to increase it. That way you'll see for sure if Concerta is making things worse instead of better.

    Like others, I'd strongly recommend a neuropsychological evaluation so you can begin to understand what's really going on with your son. You should get referrals from both your pediatrician and your son's psychiatrist. Neuropsychologists are frequently found at children's or university teaching hospitals, although the ones we've used have been in private practices.

    My son actually sounds a bit like yours. He was first diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety, but Concerta and other stimulants didn't help him. Antidepressants prescribed for anxiety made him manic. He is now doing a whole lot better on his current medication mix, but we still have major shutdown when it comes to school. We are in the process of getting him into a special school program in our school district for socially and emotionally fragile kids.

    Again, welcome. I hope you are able to make some headway soon.
  9. moonbeam

    moonbeam New Member

    Hi to all. I'm not sure how this works. I found this site while i was looking for some help. I cried when I began to read from moms like the end of their rope. I would like to join in, but I am not sure if I can just jump in.
  10. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Moonbeam, You can jump in. At the General menu, instead of clicking on one of the topics, click on "New Thread". It will bring you to a blank screen where you can title your thread and write to us.

    Also, under User CP is where you set up a signature like mine below to briefly describe (no identifying info) your family and anyone else (grandparents, boyfriends, ect) who you will be including in your threads so we understand how people connect.

    Please include each child's age - The age really helps determine how to help you.

    Hope to see you back soon!
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Moonbeam- Hi! You can also click on a moderator's name and PM (Private message) them and they can help you out. Welcome!
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome Busybee and Moonbeam!
    Here's some hot cocoa and some warm fuzzy slippers.

    I know what you mean about your son always being angry and argumentative. Sounds like my son!
    We have him on 3 medications (see below) and we do therapy with-a psychologist, which helps a lot. For some reason, difficult child will listen to him, even though he says the exact same things we do. He is an authority figure and mom and dad are just ... mom and dad. Sigh.
    I would call your psychiatrist and set up some testing. Ask them what they have available. I had to pay an extra $395 out of pocket for education testing to see if my son was on target, developmentally, in addition to the psychiatric testing we have covered by ins., but I figured once he's in the bldg, they may as well hit him with-all they've got!
    We're still awaiting results.

    You've already gotten some great ideas here. Stay on board.