New here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by inmontana, Oct 6, 2008.

  1. inmontana

    inmontana New Member

    I am not sure if this is where I belong, but I thought I'd give it a try. I have two difficult children, a 12 yo boy and 10 yo girl. Both have some level of attachment disorder, I believe.

    I am feeling a bit at my wits end. My DS is once again getting into trouble on the bus. He has had problems of one kind or another every year since kindergarten. The last two years neither of my kids rode the bus, as we lived close enough to walk to school, but this year that didn't work out. I am at the point where I don't know if my son is always causing the problems, or if he is getting caught up in others causing problems, and therefore guilty by association. When he tells me about what has happened on the bus, he gets very angry and calls the driver names. I have explained to him that while he may feel angry at the driver, that does not give him the right to be disrespectful or call the driver names, even when only speaking to me. I just don't know what to do. Are there others here that can share insight? or do you know of another forum where I might find some? Thanks so much.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Welcome, You might be in the right place. This evening someone with more insight will be a long to ask you lots of questions to help us help you. One will be have you had your son tested for learning diasbilities or other challenges?

    I have to run now and pick up my son from school. I won't be home until late but will think about this and check back tonight. I have some thoughts but not sure how to put them into questions to get more info.

    See you later! :)

    Oh yeah, Does he have any other times of the day that there are behavioral issues? What is his personality like? Make friends easy?
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Have you had them evaluated? Why do you feel they have attachment disorder? Were they adopted as older kids? If you haven't ever had an evaluation, I would take them both to NeuroPsychs, who are great at diagnosing. I wouldn't try to do it myself. We are often very Is there a history of mood disorders or substance abuse on either side of their family tree? Was their early development on time--speech, eye contact with strangers, peer interactions, pottying, any sensitivites to foods, material, noise?
  4. inmontana

    inmontana New Member

    I did take them to a therapist about a year and a half ago, and she diagnosed the attachment disorder. (I hadn't heard of it before that, but have done a lot of reading since then). I thought he had dyslexia, but that doesn't seem to be the case. He tends to have some problems with authority figures (and has from an early age). His father is the same way only far worse and won't take responsibility for any thing that doesn't go exactly his way. My son has had several incidents at school where in arenas that have less structure (bus transfer station in the pm, gym class, recess, etc) where he has gotten into trouble either by himself or with another child (various ones over the years). We had several incidents of stealing (and then lying about it) that led me to take him to the counselor. We have seen some improvement, but the bus seems to be the biggest problem now. I am of mixed feelings, after speaking with the bus driver and my son. I am truly questioning the motives of the driver, but I don't know if my son didn't somehow initiate the problems inadvertently. I am just so confused, I don't quite know what to do to make the situation better.

  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Bus drivers have an impossible job to really know what is going on. I feel that busses are breeding grounds for bullies and torture chambers for victims. I also feel that often the kid that is caught swinging first is the true victim. They get so frustrated and when an adult isn't helping, they will take matters into their own hands and fight back. And of course, they are the one to get into trouble when all they were trying to do was make things fair for themselves.

    I don't know that the bus driver would really know the entire story and your son like all kids is giving you his version as he sees it. It would be nice if you were able to get more info - another view point but I am not sure how unless you know an older child that rides the bus.

    Some busses have cameras. If there is one on your son's bus you can ask to watch the coverage for more clues.

    You have done a great job in recognizing the environment of the times with the most troubles: Unsupervised or minimaly supervised times. Can you talk to the adults who are around and suppose to supervise for input? Can they be asked to keep closer tabs on him?

    Midwest Mom has given great advise with the neuropsychologist testings.
  6. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    a warm welcome you've found an awesome place for support and feedback
  7. inmontana

    inmontana New Member

    Both kids are my biological kids. Their father and I split up when they were 6 & 4 respectively. No substance abuse on either side of the family either. I don't know if what is going on is within the bounds of normal kid angst or if there is more to it and if I should be doing something more to figure it out. Thanks everyone who responded. I really appreciate your insights.

  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would sure not trust a therapist to diagnose my kids. They really aren't educated to diagnose. I'd do the neuropsychologist or at least a Psychiatrist (with the MD). I"ll bet nobody else says attachment disorder. These kids have no reason to have attachment problems, however it sounds like your ex has some undiagnosed mental health disorder--maybe a mood disorder. Something like that would make a lot more sense than attachment disorder. Let me leave you a link for early onset bipolar. You can take a look. Again, I'd have a brand spanking new evaluation. If this were my kids, and I'd gotten that diagnosis., I would have found someone else. Fast. (KIds with all disorders tend to have big problems with authority).

    You may also want to look at high functioning autism, which can cause all sorts of problems, including very poor social problems and school issues. This is an online test.
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2008