Hi. I'm new here, so if I do anything wrong, please let me know. I am sorry this is so long. I'm a 44-year-old divorced work-at-home mom with two daughters ages 14 and 11. The 14-year-old is tough, and having trouble academically, but I am really more worried about my 11-year-old right now. She is having a very hard time - and, in turn, my family is in turmoil. My daughter, whom I don't have to explain to all of you I love and support with every cell in my body, is making my life a living hell. She breaks things that don't belong to her. She destroys everything around her. She has spent the entire summer in the house because she would not agree to camp, lessons, even doing things with her friends (who no longer bother to call). She refuses to do any kind of exercise and is about 65 pounds overweight. She calls me names and throws things at me, and then five minutes later is hugging me and telling me how much she loves me. Neither child minds a word I say; I have completely lost control. I have tried carrots and sticks, punishment, sticker charts when they were younger, etc., etc. Nothing works. They refuse to clean up after themselves. To top things off, we live with my parents. My mother has a domineering personality (it's her house - and believe me, she lets me know it), to the point that neither of my children have any relationship with their grandparents. It is absolutely miserable. I am so ashamed of my horrible, slobby, undisciplined children, and my horrible, slobby self. What happened? I'm not sure there's anything more "wrong" with my kids than I have done a terrible job of raising them. I have tried very hard in the past to get help. They have a therapist (whom they haven't seen in months because 11-YO won't go), but I have been unable to get neuropsychologist help for my youngest. I call and call - they are either not seeing new patients, or they send me to other departments, where I leave messages and no one calls me back. I told my pediatrician that my youngest is depressed, but she told me they don't make referrals. I do have a lab appointment scheduled, so we can test thyroid, blood sugar, etc., but I don't know how to advocate for us and I get discouraged. Things are so bad, I can't leave the house without my youngest, because my mother starts trouble with my daughter and my daughter is terribly fresh and rude to her grandmother. The only time I get to breathe at all is when she is with her father - which is only one day a week (no overnights). Writing this, I can see how whiny and stupid I sound, but I am so exhausted. I am ready to face the fact that I am the problem here, but I'm reaching out because I need support to face reality and change things. I just have no idea where to start. If anyone has gotten to this line in my post - thank you. If any of you has any advice for me, where to begin, etc., I would be so grateful.