Dear Edej,
Welcome to the Board!
Usually the first thing any member will tell you is you have found a soft place to land. Meaning when your world is falling apart around you? You can come here, sit and type, read and almost loose yourself in the kindness, understanding and hopefully humor you walk away with. Along the way you can pick up some pretty good information in this world that a lot of the outside world may (or may not) give you about your child. Years ago when I came to this board; the world was not kind to me or my son and I learned a great deal from other members. My son now 20 is learning life the hard way. I'm wearing a proverbial rhino suit. (thick skin).
A few things that I'd like to tell you as the Mother of a child who started in the state psychiatric hospitals at age 5. Nearly all of the hospitals that you will send your child to are SHORT term. Meaning a term anywhere from an overnight observation in a l.o.s. (line of sight) in which a nurse on 24 hour duty just keeps an eye on your child for self-harming behaviors anywhere from cutting to suicide, or anywhere up to possibly a maximum of 30 days, or rather what your insurance will allow on a maximum. Occasionally more, but doubtful - and what usually happens is a transfer recommendation from the head psychologist and team. Either they have added medications which take XX amount of days to work in a childs system or they felt there was nothing more they could do to help, or your child absolutely refused to help themselves, OR the team discussed it and felt a bed in a longer term facility would be more appropriate. Hence therapeutic boarding school, emotional growth boarding school, wilderness camp, state mental hospital, locked mental facitlity if they are a risk for running, residential care facility, foster care, therapeutic foster care - call it what you will. The research and checking of these places is UP TO YOU. My advice after 15 years in the trenches? DO YOUR HOMEWORK BEFORE you send your child? Make unannounced visits. Ask questions, ask for references. Talk to the psychologist, ask how long the staff has been there, their turnover rate of employees. Check to see if they are hiring employees on monster/or local papers.
As far as quality of care and assistance with outside resources? You can usually find that help locally or regionally, but who do you ask? There are organizations that will help, but seldom advertise. So you have to nearly KNOW who to ask, and you know no one at this point so it's like a dog eat dog circle, of getting NO help when you are standing there begging for help. Amazing isn't it? You'd think all these 'professionals' would come out of the woodwork to offer their services since you see people dying to get into college to "chance the world" and "become social workers" and yet it's almost laughable when you are the one looking for services - it's like you get an echo when you say "HELLOOOOOO" is anyone there to help us in the hall of graduated social workers. Personally? I knew they were there? But they are so overburdened by a world and a system of parents that are absent, on drugs, don't care, grandparents that are raising kids - it's like GOOD parents get put to the back of the line - and THAT to me was almost an oxymoron. But very true. So be prepared for THAT.
Also be prepared to tell every caseworker and mental healthworker, and psychologist, and psychiatrist, and 1st year student social worker that sits in on your case - Your ENTIRE life story about you, your husband, your child. It gets to the point you will get SO tired telling this story over and over and over and over...ad nauseum. I recommend you write out and START keeping a journal of dates, times, medications given, and odd behaviors. Type it if it's better - and then hand it over to whomever, but you will save yourself a lot of time and aggravation. The reason? Well this like I said is a high turnover business, and if you get lucky and have the same counselor or psychiatric from the get go? Good for you. Rather doubt it. And that's ALSO a bone of contention or may be with your daughter. Counselors come and go - so your kid starts telling them how they feel and then BLAMO - counselor gone - new one in - and they start all over trusting someone. VERY contradictory - because they all preach consistancy - yet rarely accomplish themselves.
Another thing that comes to mind - medications. OH if I had a clicker...I think we trialed over 62 medications before we quit. It finally sunk in with me at about the 20th medication that medications aren't a cure - but with medication and counseling we had 'help' towards a better lifestyle. Not a cure. We would still have good days, bad days and AWFUL days - and really out of control days. And even hospital days. Cop calling days. Hole in the wall days. I'm glad to say most of those are past.
As far as the cutting and suicide attempts? been there done that - not fun. I won't even tell you what I did about the cutting. Okay I will. I grabbed his arms and threatened to help and it freaked him out so badly he stopped. As far as the suicides? There were 3. 2 were for real = both hangings. One in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and one in jail. Both on Zoloft. Made me the same way so neither of us can take that medication. The other was a supposed 'tylenol' overdose but it was an act - to which I gave no merit - and had him hauled away in an ambulance alone - to face doctors in the ER alone, and they gladly screamed at him ALONE, and got everything ready to pump his stomach in a "grander than usual style" to which he chose to fess up to the fakery -on his own. After seeing that we were'nt buying it? He didn't use it as a tool to control us. There have been no more attempts since - ohI take it back - there was one since he's been on his own - and I texted back - I love you, nice knowing you, please leave your dog in a safe place so we can come get her. That stopped that. I'm not callous - I'm detached from the "circus" of attention gettting. To date I haven't had any more attempts, and while I think he may still use it with others for attention - it holds no water with us. He hasn't cut himself since I offered to do it for him properly either. It maybe different with Apsies than BiPolar (BP) kids, and he has more going on than BiPolar (BP) - but that's another post.
I hope this has helped. If you need resources for assistance in your area? We can probably post some links for agencies for you to check out.
NAMI would be one that comes to mind. If you have a Department of Disabilities - that would be another. Others will be along soon with suggestions and help.
Glad you are here! Welcome!!!! And enjoy the time you have alone to refresh and recharge. It also is always my recommendation that if you aren't already in counseling to get there. This is a lifetime commitment and you are going to need all the help on your team that you can get. Trying to stay one step ahead is hard.....using a professional that has good sound advice and can help you level the playing field a bit and give you a non-biased opinion never hurts.
Hugs
Star
(You'll recognize me after you read my sig, lol). To coax out some of the people who have experience with cutters in their family, I suggest you start a new post with the subject line having something to do with cutting so that people will know at a glance what you're wanting to address ("Experience with cutters?" or "Advice for dealing with teenage cutter?" etc.).
