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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 41163" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Having 3 difficult children under one roof - it can be done, but it does depend on what you're dealing with as well as how you're handling it. I don't know if I could deal with any other difficult children, other than my own.</p><p></p><p>Whether what you're dealing with here is related to the premature birth, the brain bleed or what, I don't think much matters. You can't do anything about those things. An understanding can help a bit, but when it all boils down, you still have to manage day to day.</p><p></p><p>So, no matter what the case (and the causes can be wide-ranging) there is help. Get a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Grab a library copy if you can, and see if it strikes a chord. It has made a huge difference to a lot of us.</p><p></p><p>It's not a cure - all it does is help us understand what our kids are seeing and feeling, day to day, minute by minute. Armed with this, it's easier to find ways to work with the children, not against them. Because kids like this quickly get into the habit of emotional tug of war. They pull away in a dangerous direction; we pull back to keep them safe. This makes them pull harder. It escalates. The trouble is, these kids can be stronger at pulling than we are, and if they win... then the damage can be severe. They learn to enjoy winning and the parent is no longer in the driving seat.</p><p></p><p>By learning how to not pull against them, you deflect the tug of war and learn to guide them back in different ways.</p><p></p><p>I know this sounds waffly, but the book explains it in practical ways. There is a newer edition of the book, about 18 months old, but the older book is also helpful.</p><p></p><p>Welcome - sorry you need us, but glad to have you on board. We can help.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 41163, member: 1991"] Having 3 difficult children under one roof - it can be done, but it does depend on what you're dealing with as well as how you're handling it. I don't know if I could deal with any other difficult children, other than my own. Whether what you're dealing with here is related to the premature birth, the brain bleed or what, I don't think much matters. You can't do anything about those things. An understanding can help a bit, but when it all boils down, you still have to manage day to day. So, no matter what the case (and the causes can be wide-ranging) there is help. Get a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Grab a library copy if you can, and see if it strikes a chord. It has made a huge difference to a lot of us. It's not a cure - all it does is help us understand what our kids are seeing and feeling, day to day, minute by minute. Armed with this, it's easier to find ways to work with the children, not against them. Because kids like this quickly get into the habit of emotional tug of war. They pull away in a dangerous direction; we pull back to keep them safe. This makes them pull harder. It escalates. The trouble is, these kids can be stronger at pulling than we are, and if they win... then the damage can be severe. They learn to enjoy winning and the parent is no longer in the driving seat. By learning how to not pull against them, you deflect the tug of war and learn to guide them back in different ways. I know this sounds waffly, but the book explains it in practical ways. There is a newer edition of the book, about 18 months old, but the older book is also helpful. Welcome - sorry you need us, but glad to have you on board. We can help. Marg [/QUOTE]
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