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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 690520" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Thanks for the update of info Irish. You have endured much.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, this does explain what may be the root cause of his behavior changing but by no means should it be used as an excuse.</p><p>I was sexually abused by my bio father and while it definitely had a negative effect on me I did not allow it to define me. It is a hard thing to process through for sure but as I said, it doesn't have to define a person. </p><p>The longer someone stuffs the emotions instead of dealing with them the more out of control their life can be. Using drugs and alcohol is a very common way that people will "cope" with their emotions. Instead of "feeling" them, they numb them.</p><p></p><p>As for the girlfriend, I'm glad to hear she is not pregnant. I do hope your son will see that she is not good for him.</p><p></p><p>It's not easy having a difficult child and that's why this site is so amazing. We can gather here to share, to cry, to scream, to laugh, to cyber hug, but mostly to just know that we are not alone. To know there are others who truly understand what it's like can offer us much comfort. </p><p></p><p>You are very wise to not allow your son to stay in your home. It's never an easy decision to make but we as the parents have to protect ourselves. Our homes are our sanctuary's and we should be able to feel safe.</p><p></p><p>This is a very good article on detachment.</p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4AcNPvnHv" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4AcNPvnHv</a></p><p></p><p>Detaching from our difficult children does not mean that we don't love them but we have no control over the choices they make. We can gently and lovingly make suggestions to them but ultimately, it's up to them. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you are here with us.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/notalone.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":notalone:" title="notalone :notalone:" data-shortname=":notalone:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 690520, member: 18516"] Thanks for the update of info Irish. You have endured much. Yes, this does explain what may be the root cause of his behavior changing but by no means should it be used as an excuse. I was sexually abused by my bio father and while it definitely had a negative effect on me I did not allow it to define me. It is a hard thing to process through for sure but as I said, it doesn't have to define a person. The longer someone stuffs the emotions instead of dealing with them the more out of control their life can be. Using drugs and alcohol is a very common way that people will "cope" with their emotions. Instead of "feeling" them, they numb them. As for the girlfriend, I'm glad to hear she is not pregnant. I do hope your son will see that she is not good for him. It's not easy having a difficult child and that's why this site is so amazing. We can gather here to share, to cry, to scream, to laugh, to cyber hug, but mostly to just know that we are not alone. To know there are others who truly understand what it's like can offer us much comfort. You are very wise to not allow your son to stay in your home. It's never an easy decision to make but we as the parents have to protect ourselves. Our homes are our sanctuary's and we should be able to feel safe. This is a very good article on detachment. [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4AcNPvnHv[/URL] Detaching from our difficult children does not mean that we don't love them but we have no control over the choices they make. We can gently and lovingly make suggestions to them but ultimately, it's up to them. I'm glad you are here with us. :notalone::staystrong: [/QUOTE]
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