Hi, I'm new here. My 20 year old daughter who we adopted in her mid teens was missing all week. Turned up last night. The last year has been one disaster after the next. My husband and I are in our mid 30s, I met daughter when I was volunteering with her and did for a couple years before we became her foster and then adoptive parents.
She's had a very difficult life. Every bad thing you can think of has happened to her. She was in foster care for 14 years. She has serious mental health issues including ptsd, adhd, and a host of others. I never expected it to be easy but i hoped that our intervening would guide her away from this life she has chosen. It didn't.
Shes been moving states every couple of months, when something goes wrong she takes off. Earlier this year she was arrested for trying to strangle her birth mother (in another state) who she'd been living with for a couple months. At that point bio mom told me she thought daughter was on meth. i had talked to daughter and seen her a week before in the depths of psychosis so I believed her. Birth mom is not exactly trustworthy though. daughter said it was ecstasy, which given it happened again after she went to a rave is possible. We ended up letting her come home with strict parameters, which she failed. We told her she was no longer welcome to live with us after she failed at basic responsibility, let alone getting a therapist and a job. We get an adoption assistance check from the state until she is 21, so I cosigned an apartment in a town 45 min away and pay the rent. She could walk to her job and things were fine for about a month.
She quit her job and ran again, to another state. I didn't hear from her for a full month, which i knew meant she was up to no good. Finally heard from her this week when her friend kicked her out for using drugs in the apartment, where there is a 9 mo old baby. She naturally says her friends screwed her over and took her money, which has happened so many times... she does tend to attract people who will take advantage of her but it's hard for me to believe that that just keeps happening.
Her friend texted me and I asked the friend if daughter was on something. She said she thought so and that daughter was behaving like an addict. I was getting ready to file a missing persons report yesterday because no one had seen her heard from her in days and she has no phone. She finally contacted me last night.
Without addressing the drug use I told her she needs in patient care for her mental health issues (she 100% does), and she argued and used the nonsensical logic i'm sure you're all used to. She said she hadn't even been drinking and hadn't done drugs in months without me bringing it up. Later she said her plan was to 'get clean', so I asked what she was doing. She said cocaine, ecstasy and a bunch of hallucinogens. She's tried ketamine and pcp in the past, as well as lsd. She's done drugs off and on for the last year so no surprise there. But she said she got fired from her (stripper) job because she was barfing with the flu and wanted to go home early. ALARM BELLS. that to me says opiate and/or benzo withdrawal.
Given the current epidemic in young people, I have to prepare for the worst and assume she's doing heroin. Not that any other opiate or benzo would be much better. she was already the most impulsive person i've ever met, so i am certain if she tried heroin once that would be it. she thinks she can make enough money stripping to come back to her apt here and take care of herself and get well. that isn't going to happen and i told her that. she did acknowledge that she needs professional mental health help but was adamant about 'doing it on her own terms.' i.e., no residential treatment. i really think she is making any excuse to stay where she is and use and stay with this guy she has shacked up with.
Sorry for such a long post. This has been a long and very difficult journey, and I strive to take care of myself but some days it's very hard. I just started school for my masters degree full time and I work; the masters is something i'm doing for me and something i've wanted for a long time, but doing school when your child is a homeless addict is.... difficult.
with love.
She's had a very difficult life. Every bad thing you can think of has happened to her. She was in foster care for 14 years. She has serious mental health issues including ptsd, adhd, and a host of others. I never expected it to be easy but i hoped that our intervening would guide her away from this life she has chosen. It didn't.
Shes been moving states every couple of months, when something goes wrong she takes off. Earlier this year she was arrested for trying to strangle her birth mother (in another state) who she'd been living with for a couple months. At that point bio mom told me she thought daughter was on meth. i had talked to daughter and seen her a week before in the depths of psychosis so I believed her. Birth mom is not exactly trustworthy though. daughter said it was ecstasy, which given it happened again after she went to a rave is possible. We ended up letting her come home with strict parameters, which she failed. We told her she was no longer welcome to live with us after she failed at basic responsibility, let alone getting a therapist and a job. We get an adoption assistance check from the state until she is 21, so I cosigned an apartment in a town 45 min away and pay the rent. She could walk to her job and things were fine for about a month.
She quit her job and ran again, to another state. I didn't hear from her for a full month, which i knew meant she was up to no good. Finally heard from her this week when her friend kicked her out for using drugs in the apartment, where there is a 9 mo old baby. She naturally says her friends screwed her over and took her money, which has happened so many times... she does tend to attract people who will take advantage of her but it's hard for me to believe that that just keeps happening.
Her friend texted me and I asked the friend if daughter was on something. She said she thought so and that daughter was behaving like an addict. I was getting ready to file a missing persons report yesterday because no one had seen her heard from her in days and she has no phone. She finally contacted me last night.
Without addressing the drug use I told her she needs in patient care for her mental health issues (she 100% does), and she argued and used the nonsensical logic i'm sure you're all used to. She said she hadn't even been drinking and hadn't done drugs in months without me bringing it up. Later she said her plan was to 'get clean', so I asked what she was doing. She said cocaine, ecstasy and a bunch of hallucinogens. She's tried ketamine and pcp in the past, as well as lsd. She's done drugs off and on for the last year so no surprise there. But she said she got fired from her (stripper) job because she was barfing with the flu and wanted to go home early. ALARM BELLS. that to me says opiate and/or benzo withdrawal.
Given the current epidemic in young people, I have to prepare for the worst and assume she's doing heroin. Not that any other opiate or benzo would be much better. she was already the most impulsive person i've ever met, so i am certain if she tried heroin once that would be it. she thinks she can make enough money stripping to come back to her apt here and take care of herself and get well. that isn't going to happen and i told her that. she did acknowledge that she needs professional mental health help but was adamant about 'doing it on her own terms.' i.e., no residential treatment. i really think she is making any excuse to stay where she is and use and stay with this guy she has shacked up with.
Sorry for such a long post. This has been a long and very difficult journey, and I strive to take care of myself but some days it's very hard. I just started school for my masters degree full time and I work; the masters is something i'm doing for me and something i've wanted for a long time, but doing school when your child is a homeless addict is.... difficult.
with love.