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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 719257" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Doglady (I relate and have a shirt that says "Crazy Dog Lady") i am an adoptive mom of three great kids and two older adopted kids who did not really understand family and family bonds. One just left us after his marriage. Never saw him again. We adopted him from another country at six. He is thriving, but wont talk to us and wont tell us why. Twelve or so years later it feels as if he was never our son.</p><p></p><p>We also adopted a youngster with a horrible past at age 11 and he was so dangerous we could not keep him with us. He molested our two youngest and killed two of our beloved dogs, lied, stole, etc. He was gone by age 13...we needed to protect our other children and pets.</p><p>And ourselves. He was growing big. And strong.</p><p></p><p>You met your daughter in her teens, late in her development and very traumatized and obviously not stable or sure she could love or trust another to parent her. You did a brave and noble thing by adopting her, but I am not surprised she is a mess. We thought if we loved them enough they would eventually heal. It is nothing like that. Love does not heal them or none of us would be here.</p><p></p><p>Older age adopted kids dont trust others and often hate everyone, especially themselves and those who try to love them. It scares them. They have been emotionally on their own forever and often cant fit into a family or a conventional life. It is very hard to overcome such traumatic pasts.</p><p></p><p>I am not surprised Daughter is using drugs. She has tons and tons of baggage from way before she met you and she has to want to heal from it and commit to long term therapy to handle all that happened...just to feel whole.</p><p></p><p>I dont know if you have other kids. If you have any from infancy, you know it is very different from adopting an older child.</p><p></p><p>I hope you learn to take care of yourself. You have done all you can for your daughter and you cant make her stop acting crazy and using drugs. All the worry and heartbreak we have does not help them one little bit. We need to be healthy, mentally and physically, for ourselves and all of our loved ones. We owe it to ourselves and them.</p><p></p><p>I hope you maybe try therapy for YOU. We can cope even when our grown kids are messes. But usually we need third party help.</p><p></p><p>I wish all the best for all of you.Daughter will not get better until she chooses to get serious help. Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 719257, member: 1550"] Doglady (I relate and have a shirt that says "Crazy Dog Lady") i am an adoptive mom of three great kids and two older adopted kids who did not really understand family and family bonds. One just left us after his marriage. Never saw him again. We adopted him from another country at six. He is thriving, but wont talk to us and wont tell us why. Twelve or so years later it feels as if he was never our son. We also adopted a youngster with a horrible past at age 11 and he was so dangerous we could not keep him with us. He molested our two youngest and killed two of our beloved dogs, lied, stole, etc. He was gone by age 13...we needed to protect our other children and pets. And ourselves. He was growing big. And strong. You met your daughter in her teens, late in her development and very traumatized and obviously not stable or sure she could love or trust another to parent her. You did a brave and noble thing by adopting her, but I am not surprised she is a mess. We thought if we loved them enough they would eventually heal. It is nothing like that. Love does not heal them or none of us would be here. Older age adopted kids dont trust others and often hate everyone, especially themselves and those who try to love them. It scares them. They have been emotionally on their own forever and often cant fit into a family or a conventional life. It is very hard to overcome such traumatic pasts. I am not surprised Daughter is using drugs. She has tons and tons of baggage from way before she met you and she has to want to heal from it and commit to long term therapy to handle all that happened...just to feel whole. I dont know if you have other kids. If you have any from infancy, you know it is very different from adopting an older child. I hope you learn to take care of yourself. You have done all you can for your daughter and you cant make her stop acting crazy and using drugs. All the worry and heartbreak we have does not help them one little bit. We need to be healthy, mentally and physically, for ourselves and all of our loved ones. We owe it to ourselves and them. I hope you maybe try therapy for YOU. We can cope even when our grown kids are messes. But usually we need third party help. I wish all the best for all of you.Daughter will not get better until she chooses to get serious help. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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