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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 719808" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>This is a real <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> until you surrender to it, and then it's just a <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />. </p><p></p><p>No amount of your suffering will tip the balance. It's hard to believe because it's so counterintuitive to parents, but every single person on this site is proof of that. </p><p></p><p>In fact I've heard it said over and over that the family system cannot change until the parents change. The kids sometimes try to rebalance it themselves by acting out more, but in the end, if you remain resolved they may find a new equilibrium too. </p><p></p><p>A new equilibrium isn't guaranteed, but I do believe the first proposition. They will not get better because we suffer more on their behalf.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 719808, member: 19290"] This is a real :censored2: until you surrender to it, and then it's just a :censored2:. No amount of your suffering will tip the balance. It's hard to believe because it's so counterintuitive to parents, but every single person on this site is proof of that. In fact I've heard it said over and over that the family system cannot change until the parents change. The kids sometimes try to rebalance it themselves by acting out more, but in the end, if you remain resolved they may find a new equilibrium too. A new equilibrium isn't guaranteed, but I do believe the first proposition. They will not get better because we suffer more on their behalf. [/QUOTE]
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