New Level System working well :)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sunxstone, Jun 29, 2011.

  1. sunxstone

    sunxstone New Member

    I came up with a level system tailored for our difficult child about two weeks ago, and it's been working *really* well! It's still really new, and we're still tweaking a few things, but we're very happy with it. (It's based off the Dilley sextuplets Discipline Ladder. -don't our kids feel like six kids at once sometimes? lol-)

    We use a level system with 6 levels. 6 is high, 1 is low. It's built like a ladder (with an actual picture of a ladder) and posted on the fridge with magnets with the kids names on the rung they are on.

    I thought I'd post it in case it might help someone else! :)

    Here are the levels:

    Quiet time in room, read, write, draw, board games, video games in room, play inside, radio, outside in yard, skateboard, bike, skate, pool, library, phone calls to and from friends, friends houses, dvd in great room, extended bedtime (30 minutes), one Soda at dinner (if available), spending the night with friends*, Wii time*, easy child time* (*or)

    Quiet time in room, read, write, draw, board games, video games in room, play inside, radio, outside in yard, skateboard, bike, skate, pool, library, phone calls, friends over, visit friends houses, dvd in great room, extended bedtime (15 minutes), one Soda at dinner (if available)

    Quiet time in room, read, write, draw, board games, video games in room, play inside, radio, outside in yard, skateboard, bike, skate, pool, library

    Quiet time in room, read, write, draw, board games, video games in room, play inside, radio, outside in yard, skateboard, bike, skate

    Quiet time in room, read, write, draw, board games, video games in room, play inside only

    One: Quiet time in room, read, write, draw

    To move up a level, the kids must follow the ten house rules as follows:

    1) Respectful Language: *(Gets two prompts *unless* it is a threat, which results in an immediate drop)
    Looks like: Pleasant tone, please and thank you, excuse me, positive words, no blaming or shaming, use gripe pad, no name calling, no cussing

    2) Ask before you take

    3) Bedtime is at 9 PM
    Electronics off, lights out

    4) You break it, you fix it
    Any "thing", promise/commitment must be fixed by the person who broke it

    5) No swimming without an adult *SAFETY
    Children must not go past the coping edge without adult supervision

    6) Respect for boundaries *SAFETY (no causing harm or damage)
    Hands to yourself, no unwanted touching with hands, feet or objects, respect the "bubble"

    7) Need to know where we are
    Check in when you get there, check in before you leave, check in if you change plans

    8) Stay out of each other's bedrooms
    Family time in dining room and living room

    9) Clean up after yourself

    10) Eat at the kitchen or patio table with permission

    Breaking a house rule results in a drop of one level. The safe behaviors get two prompts before a level drop, the unsafe ones are an immediate drop.

    Our awesome behavior coach wrote out this Outline for Success for difficult child:

    How can difficult child raise to Level 6, stay there and decrease target behavior AGGRESSION to Lower than 75%

    1) Follow House Rules on a daily basis
    2) Participate in behavior therapy (Tues, Wed & Sat)
    3) When in a bad mood, go straight to room and write, draw or listen to music until you feel better.

    *Do not under any circumstances ever threaten harm to Mom/Stepdad/Sister and Never call Mom or Stepdad the "B" word.

    Target Behavior #2: Hygience
    1) One shower per day. No debate, no excuses and no fake showers.
    (I updated this to include a list of what constitutes a shower: Shampoo hair, soap on body, put on deodorant when dry and wear clean clothes)

    We're also instituting an immediate drop in level if we find smeared feces or hoarded food.
    The kids also do their own laundry. With difficult child, it's a drop to Level 1 until the laundry is completed *correctly* and then he moves up to the previous level he was at, or else it takes him 3 days to do two loads.

    Hope this is helpful and I'd love some feedback :)

  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Like it!

    Although, I guess with any is only as good as the child who "buys into" it.

    If your kids are into it? Hooray!!!!
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    This is my son. Only his? Is a week to do ONE load.

    The only thing that works is... I told him the next time he leaves it? I will take it out so I can use the washer or dryer. And it goes right on the floor. Which is concrete, and gets dirty FAST.

    And that only works half the time...
  4. Chris Honey

    Chris Honey New Member

    The nice thing about this level system is it's more for us to keep things consistent. So when difficult child is having a good day, he does move up, but not to the top right away. Although our list was designed for our kids(video games in room are easy to get to), the levels make the things they really want something hopefully worth behaving for. This system is used on both easy child, and difficult child in our home. It saves the arguments of why can easy child do this, and I can't? As well as showing you have had a good day, so you're going up a level, if you continue to do so, you go up another level. It takes a lot of the work off our hands. Best example, *Mom, can I go to the library?* just point at the level chart posted, and there is the yes or no. The main thing to avoid is making sure this doesn't get moved up or down for tasks. difficult child tried at the start to yell and scream at us, got dropped down to level 1, then bargain on *I'll do this for a level!* The level system in our house is behavior based. If he decideds to help us while we're working on something, and has a good attitude, he can move up.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Knowing difficult children....I would think the main thing would be to make sure the kids don't move themselves UP a level and their siblings DOWN a peg or two while nobody is looking...

  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I agree with DF.

    I also agree with behavior and attitude. We ate at my parents' last night, and I asked Jett to help with the dishes. No argument, jumped right on it. As result? When we got home, he got to a) skip OUR dishes, and b) play on the computer.
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I like it! I would have the issue DF mentioned. BOTH of my kids would move themselves and each other anywhere they wanted and, with my memory, would cause more problems since I would have a hard time keeping track of where they should be. I'm so glad it is working for you. It really feels good when you find something that "works". The other problem I would have is that difficult child still has meltdowns and when he does, he "DON'T CARE" so he would be stuck at level one 99% of the time. We've tried so many things but this is why most of them haven't worked.
  8. sunxstone

    sunxstone New Member

    difficult child definitely doesn't *like* it, and he blames the level system on everything that's wrong in the house (and his life lol). But so far he's buying in. He's a social kid, he likes to get out and explore and with the way its set up, all he has to do is follow the guidelines. I think that's where we failed in the past, we didn't have a set guideline in visual form of "this is what you need to do to succeed", so I'm hoping ::fingers crossed:: that he continues to buy in.

    difficult child has told us it's unfair to hold his easy child sister to the level system (even though she's almost always on level six), he's trying to lawyer his way out of it any way he can, but we're sticking to it. If he wants to go do all the fun stuff he loves to do, he's gotta put in some effort.

    difficult child has tried moving his own level, but never his sister. It helps that Chris Honey and I are on the same page and watching the board. It's really more for *us* than the kids Chris says, because it makes it *so* much easier to keep track and explain why they can or can't do something. "You're on Level One because you're laundry isn't finished. As soon as your laundry is finished, you'll be on Level Four." End of discussion.
  9. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    i like it very much.

    i love the fact that it essentially takes you, "the bad guy" out of the equation. i also love the fact that its very clear, all of the expectations are well thought out and well laid out. and the fact that its visual makes it an excellent tool for some kids...i know my own sometimes hear "blah, blah, blah" when i repeat things for the umpteenth time--it would be nice to just point and say here are the rules, here are the consequences/rewards.

    i'm sure it will need tweaking as time goes on, but i'm impressed with the level of thought and effort put into it!

    ps: what is WITH the japanese singing???! holy moley--i thought mine was the only one who did it...i cant tell you how many times i actually have to ask "what language are you singing in?!" (because after a while, i hear "blah, blah, blah" too, lmao!). its kind of cool, but oh so weird at the same time...mine never had a japanese lesson in her life yet she's practically fluent, lol...if only she'll use her powers for good when she grows up--she'd have some career ahead of her. i actually did want to put her in formal lessons but couldnt find any around here, i'm hoping she'll take it in HS.