difficult child went to the psychiatrist today. It's been a long time, psychiatrist had hips replaced and was out several months. Her replacement she said was not good with kids. So, its been since last spring! psychiatrist talked to me, then difficult child then both. What difficult child wants more than anything is for the depersonalization to go away. When she talked to me she was just not nice. Said well it may never go away! I told her to please not tell him that. She talked with us a long time together. What they talked about was when he is angry...real angry, the depersonalization gets better. As when he is in pain. She explained how it is a defense mechanism, which I read. But he was definately not abused. She said he would need years of therapy and even then it may just be a milder form. difficult child hates therapy. We have tried SO many. We do have a good one but it is about 20 miles away and he rarely wants to go. psychiatrist just said "well, it is up to you then." She recomended something called "energy grounding" ??? refered me to someone who does this. Also suggested Martial Arts because they train you to be aware of your body, where your feet are, where you legs are etc. She gave him Kl*nipin (afraid to spell it because I don't want it to show up on Google). Twice a day. Said it may cause drowsiness. Not what we need at school, but we need to treat this anxiety it is making him physically sick. Talked with Special Education teacher and dean of students. They both said for him to not put his head down in his first class, rather go to one of them and he can rest if he is very tired. She said the tiredness will wear off with time. Does it? She gave him 1mg. I wanted to take away the Abilify because of all the weight he gained. Atleast 20 pounds in 4 months. Maybe more. But psychiatrist said not to remove the abilify at this time. Then difficult child had some bloodwork done from his doctor. Checking to be sure his pituitary glands are working correctly. That could cause the constant panic attacks. And Both Dr.'s said to continue taking the Omega 3 fish oil and the L-The*dine. Heck, he takes a coctail of pills in the morning now. Plus, He went to a chiropracter today. Had a full work up with xrays last Saturday. difficult child often complains his back hurts, his neck hurts, and has such awful headaches. Well, chiro said the bone in his neck is suppose to curve out. His curves in and is off a bit. Said that causes the head to put more weight on the neck, and that could cause the headaches. Also told him his spine needs adjusting. Hips were not even, and one leg shorter than the other. We don't see that. Anyway, he was rotating difficult child's head gently then "WHACK" He cracked his neck. He cracked his back difficult child was scared after the first one, but now isn't. He explained what he did. difficult child said his back hasn't felt this good in years. Having high hopes this cures his headaches. difficult child took the kl*nipin . He said he feels it. Said he is not Loopy. He said it takes the edge off of the depersonalization. He said a little tired. But psychiatrist said he can also take xanax with that if he has a bad attack. difficult child has really high hopes. I am afraid to hope because we haven't ever found a mix of medication that works on all issues. He still has anger issues, I think out of control. Punches the house, now the siding has knuckle marks in several places on the house. Then I found knuckle marks on the refriderator door. Right in front. GRRRRRRRR. He said some very hurtful things to me, extremely hurtful. I cannot even imagine wanting my mother to get hurt, or to tell someone to hurt her. Then psychiatrist told me "he was mad, get over it" But I cannot. He told husband to do something that for sure would of hurt me. But he was angry, and at those times the depersonalization lifts some. And I can't get over it. I would NEVER even THINK of having my mother get hurt. I would NEVER want difficult child to get hurt. He says he is sorry, but too many sorries, and they all say the same...that when he loses control he can't help it he doens't know what he says...I heard it all before. This one I can't get past. We also have his bedroom door that is hanging by threads from being punched so many times. Hollow doors don't stand up well to the fist. Well, praying the new drug doesn't knock him out. Hoping he will begin to feel a litte bit normal. Goes to therapist tomorrow and is having an EMDR session. I hope he sticks with these treatments.