New Member and Frustrated Mom

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Hardykccat, Apr 12, 2013.

  1. Hardykccat

    Hardykccat New Member

    Hello Everyone,
    Im a new member here and found you on Google. I am a stay at home mom with 10 year old twins. Both twins have been diagnoised with ADHD. I beleive Stephanie also has an anxiety/depression disorder and Christopher is the one that is most frustrating at the moment. I am convinced he has ODD and ADHD and on a daily basis while at home he is pooping his pants and then leaves them in his room.

    He usually does this when he is on the computer and is focused on that or playing video games. Do I take these items completely away from him? Im so beyond frustrated with washing clothes only to have them still smell like poop and I shouldnt have to be rinsing out underwear in the toilet for a child that is 10 years old. He has been checked out by a physicain and they have found no medical problems.

    He is on Strattra and an antidepressant which has seemed to help him at school. His teacher is very happy with his behavior at school for the most part. We have had rare times of breakdowns this year then in the past. I need to note he does not seem to have this problem at school but only at home.

    My husband does not help the situation and I have tried to talk to him about how to handle it but to be honest I am so beyond frustrated at the moment that I have to pick my battles and pick the ones that cause less stress for me. I also have Lupus so it doesnt make it any easier around here with Christopher doing this.

    Any ideas on what I can do to help the situation. I know a schedule would help. Maybe get a timer so that resets every hour and he has to try to go to the bathroom?

    Any advice or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you if anything for letting me vent and listening.

    Christophers Frustrated Mom....
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi. I'm so sorry, i know when my son was six to eight he'd still have accidents at times and sometimes it seemed so oppositional and I remember the frustration. And that was not often so i can only imagine what you're going through.

    So, you feel it's not medical. But, it could be a subtle issue like a sensory integration disorder. Has he ever shown either sensory seeking behaviors (being loud, touching things, licking things our putting things in his mouth, running around, stomping, smashing...etc) and/or does he avoid sensory stimuli (covers ears, leaves places that bug him, doesn't like textures, picky about food, ).....some kids need deep touch instead of soft, won't change clothing for different weather (only likes short sleeves for example)

    Some kids with sensory integration disorder have bladder and or bowel behaviors.

    An occupational therapy evaluation could help you check, just so you could know...

    Assuming he has control, bathroom issues can be the ultimate power struggles.

    A toilet schedule is a good idea if it doesn't become a punitive experience. Are his bowels hard at all from the medications? Taking something like colace could help him have more control. if that is an issue. You've probably checked that out though.

    At ten, he should be able to clean himself up. Why are you rinsing the pants out? I remember rinsing my siblings diapers in the toilet when I was in second through fifth grades.

    Have you tried that?

    Have you ever read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene? He has great ideas for working with oppositional kids. That could be a good start....

    Not much help, but thought I'd throw those ideas out...

    (i guess I'm assuming there is no psychological trauma like sexual abuse etc when writing my response.....because that would be something that obviously would need professional help)
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, I'd have Chris evaluated by a neuropsychologist. Can you tell us about his early years? Did he talk on time? Make eye contact? Have any obesessive behaviors? Have friends? Does he understand how to socialize? Does he sometimes seem clueless to social rules and norms and does he have any strange quirks, other than the toilet problems? Ever seem like he doesn't hear you when you call him, like he's in his own world? Does he talk to himself in his room or watch the same movies over and over again and then recite them?

    I think more is going on than ADHD/ODD an d, no, I would not punish him as I don't believe he is doing anything to be defiant on purpose. I think he is differently wired, beyond just ADHD and the in my opinion useless diagnosis ODD>. Take him to a neuropsychologist if you can.
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Your timer idea sounds good. Maybe have him take a 10 or 15 minute break for every one hour on the electronics? Maybe if he messes up and has an accident, then he is done with the games for the rest of the day?

    I would have him rinsing his own dirty underwear in the toilet and then putting them in the washer/dryer/ and folding and putting away. But that is just me. My son had problems with urinating accidents - but only in his sleep so I know it wasn't willful. He was just a hard sleeper. So he was probably that age or younger and he would have to strip his bed and wash the sheets. I'd help him make the bed until he got better at it.

  5. Hardykccat

    Hardykccat New Member

    Thank you everyone responding to my vent.

    What I can tell you is Christophers early years were not of a normal child. He had constant ear infections enough to have his eardrums burst on 4 different occasions. His doctor always told us his hearing was fine, but it obviously wasn't and to make up for his communication skills he would have his twin ask for things for him, which at the time we though how sweet, but really it was hindering him learning to speak and socialize.

    His eye contact has always been sketchy and he doesnt always like to make eye contact with people and espeically not with strangers.

    He has a few obessive behaviors. He will not eat chocolate or anything that is to brown. Food that is cooked to much and is even slighty too brown he will not touch. Chocolate he will not eat or touch at all. He likes to chew on things. Chews on his socks, chews on wires to headphones, chews on his clothes. He also like to unravel things, like his socks and yarn blankets. I cant tell you how many socks he he has destroyed.

    He has this one habit that really drives us crazy is that he talks to the computer. There is no way for those people to hear him, but he talks to them anyhow and he talks very loudly to them. Talkig loud is something that he seems to do also. He just gets so wrapped up I dont think he realizes he is as loud as he is, and it just seems to get louder and louder until we have to tell him to stop.

    He has friends at school but not friends at home and currently we have a friend living with us that has a child and there are times that they get along and other times that they just dont get along. I feel that the other child knows what buttons to push with Chris and he does it on purpose. But then I also think Chris loses his temper and strikes out the other child by hitting him. Other than that Chris's only friend really is his sister and though they do play together, there are times that even his sister has enough of him and doesnt want to play with him. He plays alone alot of the time and when he does play in his room he plays with his Legos which he really enjoys and makes the little lego men have conversations with each other.

    The one thing his teacher and I have noticed is that he likes to draw little stick men figures. Dozens and dozen of stick men figures. They are always stick men doing different things like holding swords or fighting each other or just standing side by side. Its something he will do all over his school papers and will also do it on little post it notes and put them on the wall of his room.

    His bowel movements seem to look normal. Solid but not to hard. Today we are staying on top of him every hour going to the bathroom and sitting for 3 minutes on the toilet. I bought some new underwear for him, a size bigger and Im going to see if that helps. When he does have an
    "accident" he says he doesn't realize he is doing it. He knows its in his pants because he goes to change and then just leaves it in his room until the smell overtakes his room and leaks into the other rooms. I have began to look for him to have changed his clothes and then go on a search and destroy mission to find where he hid them this time. Just to know, he does not seem to have these accidents at school but only at home. I really dont think he has bowel movements at school and holds them until he gets home, which that itself could be a problem.

    I am going to make another appointment with the doctor I have been seeing for him and I need to contact our insurance company to find out how I can get him to see a Neuropyschologist. Is that what I am looking for him to see?

    I did get him an appointment with the Mind Institue with UC Davis and he saw a pyschologist there in November of last year, I thought the plan was they were going to run a plan by my insurance company and then get back to me but now I havent heard from them in a while, so I will need to call and find out what exactly is going on. They had talked about doing some dna testing or something like that, but again it had to be run thru our insurance company.

    I have really been trying to deal with my own medical problems and as much as I wish I could spread my out to take care of myself and the both of the kids, I really can only do so much.

    If you should have any other questions, please ask, but I hope I answered most of the questions. Thank you all again for your words of advice and encourgement. Its nice to know that there are parents out there that I can vent and and talk to and who will just listen.

    Thank you again!


  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    We have a gameboy difficult child 1 played while on the potty. difficult child 2 also has poop issues. He has to go sit on the potty for ten minutes every night. difficult child 1 it was a power/control issue. difficult child 2 just can't recognize when his body is telling him its time.