I'm auntie/2nd mom to two great kids...one of whom has ODD. He's 10. I've been reading here all day long, and it's been really helpful. I'm wondering if there are any other books anyone can reccomend besides "Explosive Child", he has been diagnosis'd with ODD but acts often as if he had Borderline (BPD). He's seeing a therapist right now, has been for several months. His mom and I are partners but do not live together. I stay here a few days a week. She also had up until recently a male partner as well and they recently broke up, (about 6 months ago) he was fairly abusive emotionally to the kids and her, and ODDS is having a really hard time with him being gone, even so. The kids call him "dad" and their biomom and me "mom". She and I have been best friends for many years so I have known the kids their whole lives as "auntie" and in the last few years as "mom2" Their biodad took off and does not contact them. He was pretty unkind and I would say abusive as well when they were little. Luckily he hasn't been around for a long while. Their mom is pretty good at finding abusive guys to play "dad", last six months she has been partnering with me to help both her and the kids get some stability. She's been in counseling for her own issues (she is very codependent and has some Borderline (BPD) traits herself, as well as having an issue with hoarding) and since things have become more stable in their lives ODDS has been acting out more and more violently (hitting the cat, laying in his room screaming for extended periods, refusing to eat or do chores, playing with matches. acting out in general.) I have known her for eleven years or so, she's been my best friend through some very difficult times in my life, and I really want to help her and the kids out. I'm working here three days a week and staying here four. Just to give you some background!!! So my question, besides looking for more books for the shelf, is if anyone knows any good ways to stop sibling conflicts that are about to escalate. This morning ODDS was crabby (refused to eat his breakfast until he'd gotten in a bad mood from being hungry-because he was not permitted to eat ice cream instead of oatmeal or a bagel) and began standing in his older brother's way, then shoving him when he tried to walk by. I ended up standing between them and walking toward him until he backed up...then saying "I know you are angry, it's ok. Just don't shove your brother." It did in fact stop the shoving match but turned into him running to his room, throwing his gameboy thing, slamming the door, and screaming and crying, top volume, for about half an hour. He is outside right now, running around (blowing off steam) and seems better. But he has these explosions so constantly and at any small denial of a treat or request for compliance. I'm worried as much about his brother as I am about him. His brother is a fairly calm kid, 12 years old, but still has moments of tearyness and obvious anxiety from these tantrums I want to try to find a way to step in BEFORE it escalates to shoving, screaming, all the rest. I can tell when he is about to snap, and would like to know if there's any tools anyone else has used that work to help him calm down? or at least redirect his emotions. Sorry, jeez I just wrote a novel. I guess it's just a relief to know I'm not the only one dealing with this.