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New member - frustrated and concerned
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<blockquote data-quote="Concerned Mom &amp; Dad" data-source="post: 703113" data-attributes="member: 21063"><p>I very much appreciate all of your thoughtful responses. I will take the advice to heart. I'm so glad I found this forum. It's a relief to find other parents with similar issues. We live in an affluent area where parents and schools stress achievement. I think this has impacted Matt's self-esteem, as well as his brother's. Both boys are reasonably bright but their peers are the biological children of highly educated people. I don't think my boys received the same genetic gifts as their classmates. Our school system always seemed perplexed by their learning issues and was not well equipped to handle them.</p><p></p><p>Copabanana - your comments on adoption really resonated with me. We adopted after 5 years of infertility and adored these boys - still do.</p><p></p><p>So Ready and Somewhere - We have had trouble with Matt stealing credit card and cash in the past, using the credit cards to pay for video games. We have protected all of out assets and have not had a problem with the stealing for more than a year. He took responsibility for the theft from his employer. We told him to write a letter of apology and he did - no arguments. The first job he got after high school actually paid well and he was able to pay every cent of his court fines and fees himself. Charges were ultimately dropped. He also paid the fine to Walmart for the shoplifting out of his own money. He actually did a good job in terms of stepping up to the consequences of his actions with a decent attitude and no arguments. I should also say that Matt has never been violent and there were no behavioral problems at school. He avoids us but is not mean to us. He was a very good partner to his girlfriend - even his therapist remarked that he was very loving and supportive to her.</p><p></p><p>We do pay for his car, health insurance and cell phone. He is responsible for gas and maintenance. The car was purchased with money his grandparents gave him at birth that we had put away for college expenses. We live in a suburban area without a lot of public transportation. It would have been impossible for him to work or school without the car. </p><p></p><p>We tried hard to steer him to a different job than pizza delivery but we couldn't get him to cooperate. He found the pizza job on his own and we accept that it is an honest days work. However, it leaves him with a lot of cash from tips. He has enough income that he will be able to pay his fine for these offenses. </p><p></p><p>Does any one have any advise on whether he should have a lawyer? I'm thinking not since its just a misdemeanor and his first offense, although prison time is a possible penalty. (The theft charges were dropped.) It a hard balancing act to decide whether to rescue or allow him to face consequences. I think the line would be crossed if prison time was a realistic possibility. I think serving time in his case would be detrimental. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Concerned Mom & Dad, post: 703113, member: 21063"] I very much appreciate all of your thoughtful responses. I will take the advice to heart. I'm so glad I found this forum. It's a relief to find other parents with similar issues. We live in an affluent area where parents and schools stress achievement. I think this has impacted Matt's self-esteem, as well as his brother's. Both boys are reasonably bright but their peers are the biological children of highly educated people. I don't think my boys received the same genetic gifts as their classmates. Our school system always seemed perplexed by their learning issues and was not well equipped to handle them. Copabanana - your comments on adoption really resonated with me. We adopted after 5 years of infertility and adored these boys - still do. So Ready and Somewhere - We have had trouble with Matt stealing credit card and cash in the past, using the credit cards to pay for video games. We have protected all of out assets and have not had a problem with the stealing for more than a year. He took responsibility for the theft from his employer. We told him to write a letter of apology and he did - no arguments. The first job he got after high school actually paid well and he was able to pay every cent of his court fines and fees himself. Charges were ultimately dropped. He also paid the fine to Walmart for the shoplifting out of his own money. He actually did a good job in terms of stepping up to the consequences of his actions with a decent attitude and no arguments. I should also say that Matt has never been violent and there were no behavioral problems at school. He avoids us but is not mean to us. He was a very good partner to his girlfriend - even his therapist remarked that he was very loving and supportive to her. We do pay for his car, health insurance and cell phone. He is responsible for gas and maintenance. The car was purchased with money his grandparents gave him at birth that we had put away for college expenses. We live in a suburban area without a lot of public transportation. It would have been impossible for him to work or school without the car. We tried hard to steer him to a different job than pizza delivery but we couldn't get him to cooperate. He found the pizza job on his own and we accept that it is an honest days work. However, it leaves him with a lot of cash from tips. He has enough income that he will be able to pay his fine for these offenses. Does any one have any advise on whether he should have a lawyer? I'm thinking not since its just a misdemeanor and his first offense, although prison time is a possible penalty. (The theft charges were dropped.) It a hard balancing act to decide whether to rescue or allow him to face consequences. I think the line would be crossed if prison time was a realistic possibility. I think serving time in his case would be detrimental. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. [/QUOTE]
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