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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 670407" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Good morning believe...I remember torturing myself with this relentless question: what in the world is wrong with him? Addiction? Mental illness? Did something happen to him I don't know about? Shy? Lazy? Immature? The thoughts would swirl around and around forever in my head. </p><p></p><p>Finally what helped put it to rest for me was this: look at the behavior and let that be the guide. </p><p></p><p>We know that nothing can be treated until addiction is treated and arrested. So if drug use is present, and I personally count pot use in that definition, it really doesn't matter. </p><p></p><p>And regardless, we can fix another person or make another person want treatment or get treatment. </p><p></p><p>This is a backward way of looking at this also helped break through my thinking: why in the world would I think I would have enough influence or power over even my own son that I could ruin him or save him? When our kids "turn out" well it's not because we made it happen. Sure we have influence but there are many many influences in each of our lives. </p><p></p><p>And we all know the stories of people who have awful childhoods who turn out fantastic and vice versa. Through work on me, I was able to let go of any guilt I may have fostered that I in any way caused this by any of my actions. </p><p></p><p>My husband and I divorced when Difficult Child was entering his junior year of hs. Was this a factor in his decline? Yes it likely was. Was it the cause? No. My sons genetic code was written well before that action and his journey was Apparent as early as his struggle with colic for nine months. He was always struggling. </p><p></p><p>We just are not that powerful and I find that reality a fact that I cannot deny.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 670407, member: 17542"] Good morning believe...I remember torturing myself with this relentless question: what in the world is wrong with him? Addiction? Mental illness? Did something happen to him I don't know about? Shy? Lazy? Immature? The thoughts would swirl around and around forever in my head. Finally what helped put it to rest for me was this: look at the behavior and let that be the guide. We know that nothing can be treated until addiction is treated and arrested. So if drug use is present, and I personally count pot use in that definition, it really doesn't matter. And regardless, we can fix another person or make another person want treatment or get treatment. This is a backward way of looking at this also helped break through my thinking: why in the world would I think I would have enough influence or power over even my own son that I could ruin him or save him? When our kids "turn out" well it's not because we made it happen. Sure we have influence but there are many many influences in each of our lives. And we all know the stories of people who have awful childhoods who turn out fantastic and vice versa. Through work on me, I was able to let go of any guilt I may have fostered that I in any way caused this by any of my actions. My husband and I divorced when Difficult Child was entering his junior year of hs. Was this a factor in his decline? Yes it likely was. Was it the cause? No. My sons genetic code was written well before that action and his journey was Apparent as early as his struggle with colic for nine months. He was always struggling. We just are not that powerful and I find that reality a fact that I cannot deny. [/QUOTE]
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