jcox
New Member
Hello. I am the mother of three children. Two wonderful girls who are ten and twelve... and a challenging 6 y.o son named Elijah. He has been a difficult child since birth. He was my third child and my worst labor and delivery. He did not know how to **** his bottle when he was born. The nurses had to teach him how. He used to cry a mad cry instead of a sad one and was always easily overstimulated by things being too bright, loud, crowded, etc. He did not like to be held except to eat and then wanted to be down immediatly. He never crawled, but was on track with the rest of the milestones.
When he learned to walk, he also learned to bite and hit. None of the child proof stuff was good enough for him. At the age of two he learned how to stack pillows, step stools etc. on top of chairs to make it high enough to open bolt locks and escape. He has always been quiet and sneaky. At the age of three things got worse. I enrolled him in HeadStart and that lasted only three months before they kicked him out because he was a "Safety Risk" to the other children because of his agressiveness. A few months later I took him with me to a daycare I worked at. That did not last long either. He was biting constantly and one day stabbed a little girl in the face with a pair of child proof sissors so bad she needed several stitches. At the age of three he began raging at times for up to four hours nonstop. He threw things such as furniture, hit, bit, kicked, screamed etc. When he was done he had no idea what happened and why people were upset with him. He also began having night terrors at about that time too. They would be graphic including him getting eaten by animals, getting hit by trains, drownding etc. and were very bloody. He started counseling at the age of three and went on medications at the age of four.
For the next few years we were blessed to have him enrolled in an excellent family child care home based preschool program. Elijah continued to be agressive there as well as hypersexual touching little girls right in front of the teachers. His teacher was amazingly patient with him and worked to get him accomodations including a 1:1 aid. Instead of sending him to kindergarten last year like we could have, we opted to keep him with her. She did a whole kindergarten curriculum with him so he would be ready when the time came to adjust to school. I wish he could have stayed with her forever, but know he has to grow up.
This past fall he started kindergarten at the age of six. He still has major issues socially. He has been suspended five times already this year and was kicked off the bus. I had to quit my job to be here for him because the school was constantly calling me at work to come get him. I have had to knowledge myself about all the laws and regs because they did not want to help him. I got him started off the year with a 504 plan that included a 1:1, which I got turned into an IEP that is being constructed. They are giving him one under emotional disturbance. Before the year began I told the school my concerns about him not doing well in a class with eighteen other children but they would not listen to me. They waited until other parents were complaining and not sending their children to school because of my son. Then about a month ago they decided to put him in a SPED class they call a transition room with only four other children who are third and forth graders, his 1:1 aid, SPED restraint trained teacher, and a class aid. He seems to be doing better in there. They also cut his hours at school in half. The school is very concerned about his hypersexuality, touching teachers etc. They keep pushing me to have him placed inpatient.... only if the would have seen him a couple years ago.
Recently this past couple months he has began saying things that concern me. About 2 months ago we were running with the puppy, laughing and having a good time. All of a sudden he looks at a pond we were walking by and said "Mom I am going to jump in that water. I don't care if I drowned". Then that night as he was leaning over the banister in our living room he tells me "Mommy I am going to jump. Then you will have to call 911". A couple weeks ago he tells my hubby "Dad I am going to jump out the window, sit in the middle of the road, so I can get hit by a car. Then I will be dead and everyone will be crying". We live on the 2nd floor.
He has always been agressive with animals: throwing the cats out our windows, chokes the puppy, hits her, kicks her, etc. He began telling me about a year ago that there is a person inside his body who tells him to do bad things. One day he cut his foot. He was really upset screaming "Stop laughing at me"! I said "Honey Nobody is laughing at you." He said "Yeah belly is. Tell him to stop." He has always told me that belly tells him to do bad things. His counselors always blew it off but I think he really hears voices.
His counselor that he was seeing for the past three years told me a couple months ago that she does not know how to help him and I needed to find somebody with more expertise. He said he is a challenge, like a puzzle. So we started seeing a new psychiatrist last month who I am not so sure about. He put him on Lithium which has made him more stable, but there are a few things I don't like about him. There is not one toy in his office, he is not open minded about any of the newer medications, his office is not set up for children, and he talks to us about Elijah, but never directly to him. Elijah has gained 50 lbs in two years on the Risperdal. He is currently on Risperdal, Celexa, Vistaril, Clonidine, and Lithium. The medications have helped his rages and anxiety, but he is not totally stable. We have seen improved results on the Lithium. I am concerned about all this weight from the Risperdal. He used to be so active and he no longer is. He eats a healthy diet, but still gains all this weight. He still rages, but now they last about twenty minutes instead of three to four hours. I have been contemplating taking him to Boston Tufts Medical Center because I heard back from them and they have a whole mood disorders clinic for children.
I have included a poem I wrote about my son to help you understand our situation:
For a little life all filled with fright
I wonder what tomorrow brings
For a little boy so afraid at night
Can not control your body
From all the terrors inside
Darkness fills your heart
You want so much to hide
Here I sit
On a cold dark night
Wondering what the future brings
My heart fills with fright
People do not understand
What goes on in my son's land
They do not know him
They don't hold his hand
The fears that he shows
We are the only ones that know
In a world so full of people
We seem all alone
Wishing there were a magic pill
To make things all great
Wishing the rain
Could not flood his gates
Wishing he could
Be a happy boy
Sitting quietly
Playing with his toys
Laughing and playing
Like the other kids do
Getting good grades
Getting along good in school
Deep in his heart
I feel his aches and pains
For I am his mother
I know how his heart rains
He does not want
To live like this I know
For only I wish
To others he could show
The happiness he feels inside
That fills my heart with pride
People do not understand him
That is why my heart cries
Wishing his moods
Would not be so blue
Wishing that others
Could understand him too
Wishing that schools
Could just cooperate
Wishing here lonely
His life could be great
I wish that he
Gets the help that he needs
Wishing in life
He does succeed
Not knowing what to do
With a boy so happy AND blue
Filled with anger and hostility
Only wanting others to see
To the hospital
I can not let him go
For he is a baby
That only I seem to know
His pain is invisible
Behind a smile so bright
Wishing others could see
What can make his heart light
There are three children in there
One is nice as can be
That is the one
I wish everyone could see
Then there is the angry one
Who hurts others until they cry
He will tell you I hate you
And laugh as he hurts you
There is my sad son
Does not know what he has done
Wonders why as people are mad
Asks "Why are you sad"
The little looks on his face
Are filled with such sadness
A boy locked inside
A world filled with madness
I love him so dearly
As I sit here so teary
Wonder what I could do
Have I been a good mother
What could I have done different
So he did not end up this way
My heart fills with thunder
As I pray to God each day
Please give me the strength
Patience to deal
Please let people know
His disability is real
Please help them understand
Do for him what is best
Please look over us lord
Keep us all safe in this land
I wonder why is my son
Stuck in this body
That does not not cooperate
Will he ever be free
From this bipolar gate
Thanks to all who read my long post.
Janice
When he learned to walk, he also learned to bite and hit. None of the child proof stuff was good enough for him. At the age of two he learned how to stack pillows, step stools etc. on top of chairs to make it high enough to open bolt locks and escape. He has always been quiet and sneaky. At the age of three things got worse. I enrolled him in HeadStart and that lasted only three months before they kicked him out because he was a "Safety Risk" to the other children because of his agressiveness. A few months later I took him with me to a daycare I worked at. That did not last long either. He was biting constantly and one day stabbed a little girl in the face with a pair of child proof sissors so bad she needed several stitches. At the age of three he began raging at times for up to four hours nonstop. He threw things such as furniture, hit, bit, kicked, screamed etc. When he was done he had no idea what happened and why people were upset with him. He also began having night terrors at about that time too. They would be graphic including him getting eaten by animals, getting hit by trains, drownding etc. and were very bloody. He started counseling at the age of three and went on medications at the age of four.
For the next few years we were blessed to have him enrolled in an excellent family child care home based preschool program. Elijah continued to be agressive there as well as hypersexual touching little girls right in front of the teachers. His teacher was amazingly patient with him and worked to get him accomodations including a 1:1 aid. Instead of sending him to kindergarten last year like we could have, we opted to keep him with her. She did a whole kindergarten curriculum with him so he would be ready when the time came to adjust to school. I wish he could have stayed with her forever, but know he has to grow up.
This past fall he started kindergarten at the age of six. He still has major issues socially. He has been suspended five times already this year and was kicked off the bus. I had to quit my job to be here for him because the school was constantly calling me at work to come get him. I have had to knowledge myself about all the laws and regs because they did not want to help him. I got him started off the year with a 504 plan that included a 1:1, which I got turned into an IEP that is being constructed. They are giving him one under emotional disturbance. Before the year began I told the school my concerns about him not doing well in a class with eighteen other children but they would not listen to me. They waited until other parents were complaining and not sending their children to school because of my son. Then about a month ago they decided to put him in a SPED class they call a transition room with only four other children who are third and forth graders, his 1:1 aid, SPED restraint trained teacher, and a class aid. He seems to be doing better in there. They also cut his hours at school in half. The school is very concerned about his hypersexuality, touching teachers etc. They keep pushing me to have him placed inpatient.... only if the would have seen him a couple years ago.
Recently this past couple months he has began saying things that concern me. About 2 months ago we were running with the puppy, laughing and having a good time. All of a sudden he looks at a pond we were walking by and said "Mom I am going to jump in that water. I don't care if I drowned". Then that night as he was leaning over the banister in our living room he tells me "Mommy I am going to jump. Then you will have to call 911". A couple weeks ago he tells my hubby "Dad I am going to jump out the window, sit in the middle of the road, so I can get hit by a car. Then I will be dead and everyone will be crying". We live on the 2nd floor.
He has always been agressive with animals: throwing the cats out our windows, chokes the puppy, hits her, kicks her, etc. He began telling me about a year ago that there is a person inside his body who tells him to do bad things. One day he cut his foot. He was really upset screaming "Stop laughing at me"! I said "Honey Nobody is laughing at you." He said "Yeah belly is. Tell him to stop." He has always told me that belly tells him to do bad things. His counselors always blew it off but I think he really hears voices.
His counselor that he was seeing for the past three years told me a couple months ago that she does not know how to help him and I needed to find somebody with more expertise. He said he is a challenge, like a puzzle. So we started seeing a new psychiatrist last month who I am not so sure about. He put him on Lithium which has made him more stable, but there are a few things I don't like about him. There is not one toy in his office, he is not open minded about any of the newer medications, his office is not set up for children, and he talks to us about Elijah, but never directly to him. Elijah has gained 50 lbs in two years on the Risperdal. He is currently on Risperdal, Celexa, Vistaril, Clonidine, and Lithium. The medications have helped his rages and anxiety, but he is not totally stable. We have seen improved results on the Lithium. I am concerned about all this weight from the Risperdal. He used to be so active and he no longer is. He eats a healthy diet, but still gains all this weight. He still rages, but now they last about twenty minutes instead of three to four hours. I have been contemplating taking him to Boston Tufts Medical Center because I heard back from them and they have a whole mood disorders clinic for children.
I have included a poem I wrote about my son to help you understand our situation:
Wonders of a mother
I wonder what tomorrow bringsFor a little life all filled with fright
I wonder what tomorrow brings
For a little boy so afraid at night
Can not control your body
From all the terrors inside
Darkness fills your heart
You want so much to hide
Here I sit
On a cold dark night
Wondering what the future brings
My heart fills with fright
People do not understand
What goes on in my son's land
They do not know him
They don't hold his hand
The fears that he shows
We are the only ones that know
In a world so full of people
We seem all alone
Wishing there were a magic pill
To make things all great
Wishing the rain
Could not flood his gates
Wishing he could
Be a happy boy
Sitting quietly
Playing with his toys
Laughing and playing
Like the other kids do
Getting good grades
Getting along good in school
Deep in his heart
I feel his aches and pains
For I am his mother
I know how his heart rains
He does not want
To live like this I know
For only I wish
To others he could show
The happiness he feels inside
That fills my heart with pride
People do not understand him
That is why my heart cries
Wishing his moods
Would not be so blue
Wishing that others
Could understand him too
Wishing that schools
Could just cooperate
Wishing here lonely
His life could be great
I wish that he
Gets the help that he needs
Wishing in life
He does succeed
Not knowing what to do
With a boy so happy AND blue
Filled with anger and hostility
Only wanting others to see
To the hospital
I can not let him go
For he is a baby
That only I seem to know
His pain is invisible
Behind a smile so bright
Wishing others could see
What can make his heart light
There are three children in there
One is nice as can be
That is the one
I wish everyone could see
Then there is the angry one
Who hurts others until they cry
He will tell you I hate you
And laugh as he hurts you
There is my sad son
Does not know what he has done
Wonders why as people are mad
Asks "Why are you sad"
The little looks on his face
Are filled with such sadness
A boy locked inside
A world filled with madness
I love him so dearly
As I sit here so teary
Wonder what I could do
Have I been a good mother
What could I have done different
So he did not end up this way
My heart fills with thunder
As I pray to God each day
Please give me the strength
Patience to deal
Please let people know
His disability is real
Please help them understand
Do for him what is best
Please look over us lord
Keep us all safe in this land
I wonder why is my son
Stuck in this body
That does not not cooperate
Will he ever be free
From this bipolar gate
Thanks to all who read my long post.
Janice