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<blockquote data-quote="Sumsky" data-source="post: 742424" data-attributes="member: 22893"><p>Just to clarify what we have been told by the professionals working with SS. The results of the psychosexual evaluation ‘label’ SS as a hands off sexual abuser. There were no legal charges (because I chose to give counseling a try first) and the attorney I consulted did not feel that SS would be given anything more than counseling and probation. She did not feel he would have to register either. And she has many years working with CYS. We had the psychosexual evaluation that would have been required. That evaluation determined that SS was at a low risk of hands on sexual abuse. It was also said that because of his age, there was a greater chance of working through this with him and being able to overcome it. Copa and SWOT, I go back and forth (minute to minute, day to day) with what both of you are saying. I do truly believe that if I had the say and could do the recommended treatment with ALL the follow up that there is hope for SS. That being said, I don’t have the say and I also have a very sweet and innocent daughter to think about. I feel very strongly that I can’t save them both. And the obvious choice is my daughter. She is the victim and she is hurting. As angry and frustrated as I get with SS,I do understand that he is hurting too. And I feel very strongly that he does not have the right advocate in his corner. Under different circumstances, I could be that advocate. But not under these. Do I feel that he will perp again? Under the current circumstances (without someone getting him the full help he needs) yes I do. Do I think with the right help, he will continue down this road? I don’t think he will. I think he’s very confused and doesn’t understand a lot of what is going on with his body and hormones, etc. his cognitive testing showed he is within average range of everything except it takes him a little longer to process everything. So, he understands and knows right from wrong but it takes him a few seconds longer to process everything. This child has never had a positive female figure in his life. At least not one that he has been allowed to have without someone undermining. His relationship with his bio mom has never been stable and has been completely non existent for years. His grandmother has seen him maybe once every month or two for an hour here and there. His great grandmother has been a huge influence, but has handed him everything he asked for and repeatedly told him that I’m not his mother he doesn’t have to listen to me. And has also told him that basically everyone in his life doesn’t treat him right. And I have had tried to set rules and routines and consequences as well as love and support, but everyone continues to tell him that I’m not the boss. So, it’s no wonder he has no respect for women. Not that that is an excuse! But I guess what I’m saying is that the professionals are saying he needs to unlearn the bad and relearn the good. And I was willing to try that. However, I can’t and won’t sacrifice my daughter to help him. And that is the situation that my husband has put me in ny not stepping up to his responsibilities. So, I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t feel SS is pure evil right now. However, I do feel that is a matter of time. And I can’t be there for that!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sumsky, post: 742424, member: 22893"] Just to clarify what we have been told by the professionals working with SS. The results of the psychosexual evaluation ‘label’ SS as a hands off sexual abuser. There were no legal charges (because I chose to give counseling a try first) and the attorney I consulted did not feel that SS would be given anything more than counseling and probation. She did not feel he would have to register either. And she has many years working with CYS. We had the psychosexual evaluation that would have been required. That evaluation determined that SS was at a low risk of hands on sexual abuse. It was also said that because of his age, there was a greater chance of working through this with him and being able to overcome it. Copa and SWOT, I go back and forth (minute to minute, day to day) with what both of you are saying. I do truly believe that if I had the say and could do the recommended treatment with ALL the follow up that there is hope for SS. That being said, I don’t have the say and I also have a very sweet and innocent daughter to think about. I feel very strongly that I can’t save them both. And the obvious choice is my daughter. She is the victim and she is hurting. As angry and frustrated as I get with SS,I do understand that he is hurting too. And I feel very strongly that he does not have the right advocate in his corner. Under different circumstances, I could be that advocate. But not under these. Do I feel that he will perp again? Under the current circumstances (without someone getting him the full help he needs) yes I do. Do I think with the right help, he will continue down this road? I don’t think he will. I think he’s very confused and doesn’t understand a lot of what is going on with his body and hormones, etc. his cognitive testing showed he is within average range of everything except it takes him a little longer to process everything. So, he understands and knows right from wrong but it takes him a few seconds longer to process everything. This child has never had a positive female figure in his life. At least not one that he has been allowed to have without someone undermining. His relationship with his bio mom has never been stable and has been completely non existent for years. His grandmother has seen him maybe once every month or two for an hour here and there. His great grandmother has been a huge influence, but has handed him everything he asked for and repeatedly told him that I’m not his mother he doesn’t have to listen to me. And has also told him that basically everyone in his life doesn’t treat him right. And I have had tried to set rules and routines and consequences as well as love and support, but everyone continues to tell him that I’m not the boss. So, it’s no wonder he has no respect for women. Not that that is an excuse! But I guess what I’m saying is that the professionals are saying he needs to unlearn the bad and relearn the good. And I was willing to try that. However, I can’t and won’t sacrifice my daughter to help him. And that is the situation that my husband has put me in ny not stepping up to his responsibilities. So, I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t feel SS is pure evil right now. However, I do feel that is a matter of time. And I can’t be there for that!!!! [/QUOTE]
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