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<blockquote data-quote="OpenWindow" data-source="post: 635622" data-attributes="member: 45"><p>MWM, my mom had schizophrenia as did one of her sisters. Another had bipolar. In my 20s and into my 30s, until she passed, I was her main family support. I took her to hospitals, found her boarding homes, talked to her doctors and caseworkers. She could not live on her own nor could she live with me. I am prepared for that to be the life of my difficult child but I am not resigned to it yet. He is more capable than her at this point. </p><p></p><p>The main issue is that he refuses to see a therapist. He's with his dad right now, and I texted him and told him that if he wants to stay at our house, he has to agree to see at least a therapist. He responded quite vehemently. Among the responses: not going to a half wit know-it-all who thinks they can help me; do you ever think I do these things because of you; make me live on the streets like the terrible mother you already are. And don't worry about changing my opinion of you. I feel the same about you now as I would if you did that.</p><p></p><p>So what do we do with someone who won't get help or even make an attempt to help himself? </p><p></p><p>Headlights Mom: thank you for the welcome back! difficult child is living in our home 24-7. He graduated in May and stopped his medications for good in April when he turned 18. I told him I disagreed but really had no control over it and his behavior was much better at that point (because of the medicine, go figure). It took a month or two to get to the point we are at now. I kicked him out of the house and he stayed with his brother for a few weeks and got a job. That was one of the stipulations of him moving back in. The others were behavior-oriented. He agreed to them and moved back in, followed them for a few days and weeks off and on. He got fired from his job this past weekend and refuses to get out of bed, unless it is to go off with his friend and smoke pot. </p><p></p><p>I feel like difficult child is safe living in the house - I don't believe he's suicidal and while he's verbally abusive he's not physically unless pushed and provoked. He has pushed me out of his way before, held me to grab a phone I've taken away, but it been a few years since then. It is definitely not a pleasant environment to be in, but we are not in physical danger. It is odd for me so say we are safe because the house does not feel "safe" emotionally at all. </p><p></p><p>dstc, thank you as well! I have been using positive reinforcement tactics with him for years and it works at first. Then he "sees through it" and sabotages himself because he doesn't want to be played. The only things that work are his phone and the Internet. I tell him he can have those things if he does what he is supposed to do, that they are the rewards. But he looks upon them as necessities and if I take them away he says he will only get worse because the only thing that helps him is his friends. I do often take them away, however, and it usually motivates him. But he is looking for a job so if I take his phone away he will never find one. It's a catch 22. And... if I take his phone away, then his internet, and he still balks? There is nothing left as incentive for him. </p><p></p><p>We really are wrestling with the question of just how sick he is. During school he took care of his responsibilities. He went to regular classes after being in resource in Middle School and being closely watched in jr. high. He held it together and while he got some really bad grades, most were very good considering he didn't do homework or study. He did need some intervention late last winter because of anxiety over whether he would graduate or not, but all it took was telling him he would even if he flunked algebra to get him over that hump. He was in band and the teachers couldn't say enough about how he helped teach the younger kids the marching moves and stayed after often to help. I believe he could thrive in an assisted living environment where someone could make sure his bills were paid, remind him to clean up, and help him find a job. I even believe he could move past that to be independent in a few years. I also believe he could be homeless in a matter of days, get lost in depression, do something stupid and hurt himself or someone else, keep refusing to take his medications and have a break he won't recover from. What I hope for is something somewhere between those two extremes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="OpenWindow, post: 635622, member: 45"] MWM, my mom had schizophrenia as did one of her sisters. Another had bipolar. In my 20s and into my 30s, until she passed, I was her main family support. I took her to hospitals, found her boarding homes, talked to her doctors and caseworkers. She could not live on her own nor could she live with me. I am prepared for that to be the life of my difficult child but I am not resigned to it yet. He is more capable than her at this point. The main issue is that he refuses to see a therapist. He's with his dad right now, and I texted him and told him that if he wants to stay at our house, he has to agree to see at least a therapist. He responded quite vehemently. Among the responses: not going to a half wit know-it-all who thinks they can help me; do you ever think I do these things because of you; make me live on the streets like the terrible mother you already are. And don't worry about changing my opinion of you. I feel the same about you now as I would if you did that. So what do we do with someone who won't get help or even make an attempt to help himself? Headlights Mom: thank you for the welcome back! difficult child is living in our home 24-7. He graduated in May and stopped his medications for good in April when he turned 18. I told him I disagreed but really had no control over it and his behavior was much better at that point (because of the medicine, go figure). It took a month or two to get to the point we are at now. I kicked him out of the house and he stayed with his brother for a few weeks and got a job. That was one of the stipulations of him moving back in. The others were behavior-oriented. He agreed to them and moved back in, followed them for a few days and weeks off and on. He got fired from his job this past weekend and refuses to get out of bed, unless it is to go off with his friend and smoke pot. I feel like difficult child is safe living in the house - I don't believe he's suicidal and while he's verbally abusive he's not physically unless pushed and provoked. He has pushed me out of his way before, held me to grab a phone I've taken away, but it been a few years since then. It is definitely not a pleasant environment to be in, but we are not in physical danger. It is odd for me so say we are safe because the house does not feel "safe" emotionally at all. dstc, thank you as well! I have been using positive reinforcement tactics with him for years and it works at first. Then he "sees through it" and sabotages himself because he doesn't want to be played. The only things that work are his phone and the Internet. I tell him he can have those things if he does what he is supposed to do, that they are the rewards. But he looks upon them as necessities and if I take them away he says he will only get worse because the only thing that helps him is his friends. I do often take them away, however, and it usually motivates him. But he is looking for a job so if I take his phone away he will never find one. It's a catch 22. And... if I take his phone away, then his internet, and he still balks? There is nothing left as incentive for him. We really are wrestling with the question of just how sick he is. During school he took care of his responsibilities. He went to regular classes after being in resource in Middle School and being closely watched in jr. high. He held it together and while he got some really bad grades, most were very good considering he didn't do homework or study. He did need some intervention late last winter because of anxiety over whether he would graduate or not, but all it took was telling him he would even if he flunked algebra to get him over that hump. He was in band and the teachers couldn't say enough about how he helped teach the younger kids the marching moves and stayed after often to help. I believe he could thrive in an assisted living environment where someone could make sure his bills were paid, remind him to clean up, and help him find a job. I even believe he could move past that to be independent in a few years. I also believe he could be homeless in a matter of days, get lost in depression, do something stupid and hurt himself or someone else, keep refusing to take his medications and have a break he won't recover from. What I hope for is something somewhere between those two extremes. [/QUOTE]
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